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Eating disorder?

So I'm 85 days clean off methadone. Starting college jobs going well. BAM I gained 15 pounds. Not a big deal, unless your short 5"2 like me. Ever since I have stopped methadone all I wanna do is eat. I do cardio everyday but it's not enough. I started binging and purging about 2 months ago. It started off once a week. Once a day. And now whenever I eat I have this underlying urge to purge. The last few times I can feel my heart hurting. I have never had issues with weight or food until now. I feel like I just fought this huge addicted now this? Like really? I don't know how to control this. Even me doing drugs years ago was easier to control than this eating habit. I don't know what I wanna hear or need to hear from you guys but I really need some help. I don't want this to get out of control
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1926359 tn?1331588139
Congratulations on the 85 days!  You need to get help with the bulimia.  I was bulimic when I was a teenager (ballerina) I never binged but I purged and then it got to the point where it was automatic.  I was dying.  My doctor at the time told me if I didn't stop I would die-when that didn't stop me I ended up hospitalized before my 16th birthday and the tears in my dad's eyes woke me up.  It is self-abuse (much like drug addiction) are you going to meetings?  They have support groups for eating disorders.  I still struggle with behaviour around food and I'm tiny.  And yes I replaced puking with smoking (again common for ballerinas yet no excuse)  I have been dealing with my self abuse issues in counselling for the last year...The feeling that I don't deserve to be happy and healthy...well I won't go into my reasons but my point is-there is a reason behind this destructive behaviour....But until we pinpoint it and deal with it and work on changing behaviours we just move from one set of self abuse to another.  Good for you for speaking out....And congratulations again on your sobriety.  Please take good care-trust me when I say that this can get really bad really quick...Lu
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Avatar universal
Thanks guys yeah I do eat healthy trying to stick to 1200 calories a day and eating healthy but then As soon as I go over I feel gross! I know you cant get skinny from being bulimic. It's like i Iike having control what goes in or out of my body. It's like the strangest most random obsession to be skinny? I feel more helpless now then when I was a drug addict. I can't tell anyone they would never understand. Mangel that's interesting about the cardio thing. I would have NEVER thought about that. It probably also doesn't help I quit smoking two weeks ago. Bkitty be careful  if you can stop stop! Its worse than drug addiction! (for me atleast)
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Avatar universal
Im struggling with the EXACT same thing. I too gained 10lbs and Im short and petite. I am doing the same thing,,binge and purge because I feel disgusted after I eat something. Im being cautious about doing this as I feel it could turn into another addiction.~Bkitty
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1827057 tn?1397520277
Yess  you should be very proud of getting off the methadone.I wish I had advice for you on the other subject though.It is great that you exercise.Maybe a therapist could help with the eating thing.Again that is awesome that you are clean 85 days!!
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1814148 tn?1332485798
Congratulations on the 85 clean days from methadone. That's a tough one to beat and YOU DID IT!! You should be very proud of yourself.

I spent time in rehab for substance abuse. The facility also specialized in treating eating disorders. My rehab roomate struggled with anorexia and bulimia. I sure learned alot about eating disorders in that time. I'm so glad you are posting about this. It sounds like you are being swept up in a cross addiction. This is a serious addiction that does kill many young women and men. A few of the girls I met had heart attacks and now live with pacemakers. Vomiting and over use of laxatives quickly depletes potassium and other electrolytes. The heart needs potassium to work effectively. Cardio exercise on top of low potassium can be fatal. Please so not do anymore cardio until you consult with your doctor and have some bloodwork. Always take your chest pain seriosly and go to the ER and explain your situation. A potassium infusion may be neccessary. Anemia is also common when food is not given time to run it's course. Low iron results in low red blood cells. Each red blood cell carries 4 oxygen molecules. Heart pain is your heart telling you that it's not getting enough oxygen. Depending on your iron levels you may need prescribed iron supplements as well.

Like any other kind of addiction you need information and mutual support to help keep you abstinent from the addictive substance or behavior. Our addicted brains just want to gravitate to other dangerous substances and behaviors. Once we detox from our DOC and are well on our way to recovery it doesn't take long to discover some other way to satiate our neurological reward system. I am not a drinker but quickly found myself taking shots a few short months out of rehab. Crazy stuff like that can happen if you aren't aware of your vulnerabilites. I`m an addict who is vulnerable to ALL mood altering substances and behaviors. The drinking thing lasted a few short weeks, now I'm struggling with chocolate lol. It's actually not funny because anything we use to excess can be detrimental to our physical and emotional well-being.

Recognizing that you are powerless over this behaviour and asking for help tells me that you are ready to make the change. Is there anyone you can share this withÉ It would be helpful to have someone sit with you for at least an half hour after a meal to support you through the urge to visit the bathroom. Check out the mutual support groups in your community. The members will be a great source of support and information. Healthy meal planning and having routine meals will help with the structure. There are so many factors in how and why we use food addictively. Exploring your lived experiences with a counsellor who specializing in eating disorders is such a great resource. Of course keep posting here. Continue to maintain this level of honesty with yourself and a few trusted support people. You will get through this. I`m sending you hugs and heartfelt peace :o) Take care and keep us updated.
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