Haven't posted for awhile. It's been good....

[Merri123]

Wanted to update. I was on the long slow taper. Had too. Couldn't go CT. But I did it. I'm done. It's been about a month now. I stopped counting days bc it was too obcessive for me. Hours days weeks. All I was thinking of. I am good. Night is bad bc of my RLS but I take a bath and sleep on the floor or just get up. I read a lot. Tons. It won't go away for me so have to deal with it.

My mood has been blah but that's ok. I have a 5 he energy shot if I get sluggish (well 1/2 of one) Just staying busy. Work kids trying to enjoy the Summer. I have a trip to WI Dells next month planned with a friend and her kids. Can't wait. It'll be a blast.

So I see so many new names here. For all those struggling you can make it. Just stay focused and strong. I came off heroin to Percocet/Dilaudid to norco and tapered down. I snorted that stuff. Then said no more and started taking them right. Norcos.

My life was fine till 2010 when H was introduced. Never did anything before. It's weird rembering the before and now. Wish was never a now just before. Why was I so stupid? But I guess I was lucky to only have 4 years of this.

My husband is still doing it. He started up after his back surgery and his pain pills were gone. Went back to H. Hadn't done drugs for over 10 years. But he had his pills. Then fentynal. Then H when that was not prescribed anymore. But we have been separated a year now. I don't think he will stop. He lives at his house, me at mine. We talk and he comes over on Sundays. But nothing more. So angry. Can't believe this happened. Now I don't think it ever be what it was. How do I trust him to never do it agsin? If he were to stop. Guess I'll have to make a decision soon someday. I hold a high regard for marriage. But I have to protect myself and take care of my kids. I still love him but it is not the same. He blames me for his using. I cause him to use now. Why bc I won't let him stay? I don't let him get away with lying? I know what he is doing? Not my fault he decides to do it. He never could take responsibility for his actions. Always someone else's fault. No offense to anyone but why does that always seem to be a theme for addicts I have met? Nothing is their fault. But I am rambling now....

Thank you to all who have been there for me.

[Merri123]

Thank you all.

Fortunately my kids are not my husbands. Their Dad died several years ago. So I don't have to deal with that aspect.

[Janey77]

First of all well done you!!Wit a terific achievment.You have come true so so very much with wot you wer using and your clean.Give yourself a huge pat on the back thats absolutely fantastc.You should be very proud of you.You made a huge and very hard decision to get clean and you did it for your kids and a better quality of life.Your on a rollercoaster of emotions cause of your love for your hubby.He should be so proud of you.Him blame'n you for his use'n is going to grind you down.Your gonna have to make decisions with where life is going with him.Your going on holiday wit your kids is an excite'n thing for them and you to look forward to.At the end of the day your husband has a hell of alot to loose in you and his kids.But he cannot continue to blame you,cause you will just melt down.I split wit my partner and its only since february wer live'n together again.All my fault im the addict.But you are fantastic and keep up the good work and above all try keepn positiv. XxxX J

[marycarmel]

Congratulations!  It's really impressive that you tapered off all those drugs.  Sorry your husband is using.  I took my marriage vows very seriously and even got him into 12 different detoxes but he couldn't stay sober and at the end he was just spiraling out of control and was basically taking anything he could het his hands on.  I had to leave to protect my kids.  I know it's not always an easy decision.

Are you doing anything for aftercare?  That seems to ne a key element  in staying clean.

[atthebeach]

Congrats on your clean time. I am very proud of you and very happy for you.
You are doing what is best for your recovery and for your children.
I am sorry your husband hasn't taken responsibility for his addiction yet.
keep up the good  work.
You are doing awesome.
Thanks for the wonderful update.
Continued blessings,
Debbie

[lild713]

Addicts like to blame others, also make excuses to use it as well, also I'm happy for you and congrats! Strong person! Keep pushing!