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Failed

So I failed! I was on day 4 but took a ...yes A Norco! The pain was to bad! I feel like crap cuz I really felt I could do this. SMH .... Back to SQ one I go! Maybe Im not as strong as I thought! I wasnt or at least I didnt feel like I was having any kind of withdrawals. I have real pain but does that make it ok? Is it ever ok? I dont know how I should feel about this? I need help understanding!!!
I thought I said a little about who I was in my last post but just incase you dont want to go back.
Im 33 years old, Im a cancer survivor and have been free and clear for a little over a year now. I went and still go for check ups at UCSF cancer center in San Francisco. I was cut open from the top of my rib cage to my girly parts! LOL...At first I was started on reg Vics for the pain....The Vic's turned to Norc's and the Norc's turned into Perc's and the Perc's turned to Oxy's all before surgery...after surgery I was sent home with 80 mlga of Oxys and if need I could take up to 4 a day and Perc's if needed. CRAZY amount right! But I felt like DEATH ....So fast forward and now Im here. As stated before I have (over the past year) weaned from all that to (1) Norco a day, 4 days ago I made the jump to nothing and today I failed myself, my kids and all of you! I guess theres always tomorrow and a new day 1.... I just dont want to have DAY 1 over and over again! I can say I will never EVER go back to taking all the meds they had me on but it scares me that I cant kick this crap and walk away! I for some reson keep going back. I for once in my life feel weak, scared,sad, mad and pissed off! Any thoughts are welcome... Good , Bad and the ugly! I appricate it all! Sorry for the MESS up!
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Avatar universal
Thank you! I hope you ALL have a great 4th! Keep cool and safe!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hey all ... So I have a Dr. Appt on Friday. The Dr. said I havent had a problem with my meds and he would be the first to tell me if he thought I did. He said that I will have pain for a long time if not the rest of my life and I have done a real good job managing it. He said I can go off the meds if I want , but to be aware of my body and what its telling me. To be honest Im scared! I have lost my BEST friend to this, I talk to him through prayer now... Im loosing my husband to this! The pills all came from my bottles! I did this ... I couldnt save my friend and I cant save my husband but I an save myself. It haunts me daily ....I just dont understand ... Why????? I need to have a life outside of this and I think I have more issues than the meds! It makes me sick and my heart hurt for what I have done and who I am now. My reason for life is my Children, they need me as much as I need them! Sorry .... I know poor me Right! Ill try and keep things lite from now on! I try and talk to my ex and the only thing I get is a blank look! Your all I got .... ♥
Helpful - 0
2119804 tn?1334861046
You don't even have to worry that much about what day you are on. I had to count mine up when I posted earlier. So you took a pill. You have an honest reason to. I do have chronic OCCASIONAL pain and I have been prescribed in the past. But to be honest, I myself am a plain garden variety addict and it runs in my family. If I have a prescription I will use daily, pain or no. Please don't beat yourself up. I admire your desire to be drug free. You do what is right for you.
Helpful - 0
4614494 tn?1368356385
Please don't beat yourself up!!    You Can do this!!!!!!   Here's the deal .......  In the scheme of things does it really matter what day it is for u??  Whether u call tnrw day 1 or day 5.    The Point is you are moving in the right direction and want to be clean!!!  Congrats.   You are doing this!!!!!  

Staying postive throughout this will help tremendously.  
Chris
Helpful - 0
1970885 tn?1435860428
I'm not sure if this has been suggested, but you need to get your doctor involved. Sounds like you have real pain issues, and sometimes meds are needed to help manage the pain and assist in rehabilitation. I'm pretty much a hard a** when it comes to people feeling sorry for themselves, I can't do this, blah blah, but your situation sounds different.
If you can't manage your pain without meds, that is, have a good quality of life, then you need someone you can trust to help you with the meds.
However, if you CAN manage without the meds then by all means do it. But just because you are afraid of being addicted or dependent don't walk around miserable because you don't want to use meds.
My mom was in the last stages of cancer; it hurt her to blink her eyes, but she pretty much refused to use pain meds because she was afraid of getting addicted. She lived for three weeks after she told me that.
Anyway, your choice. Do what's best for you.
K
Helpful - 0
5347058 tn?1381188426
I promise you it can be done. I am a freaking mess! I have all kinds of chronic pain issues, one being a crippled back. I have been clean for over 2 months. Oh, and I detoxed in a semi truck!! The pain does improve some after you have put a little time between you and your drug of choice. I am here if you ever want to talk. Feel free to PM me. You can do this!!! :)
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thank you Dj47 and Ariley13.... Im glad to know that Im not alone! Ill pick myself up, dust my shoulders off and try again! I have to keep my eye ob the prize! The pain can be a kick in the @$$ sometimes but I need not sit around and have a pitty party! Keep checking in on me as I need all your help more than ever! And I will check in on you! Im glad to see what I might feel like in a weeks time!
Helpful - 0
5347058 tn?1381188426
I just wanted to drop in and give you some support. This is a very hard process, and it is made a lot harder if you suffer from legitimate pain. Please don't be too hard on yourself. Try, try, and try again! Never give up. You can do this and we are here for you!
Helpful - 0
5639849 tn?1372346883
hello im so glad you got rid of the pills...i did a step down from 20 norco 10's a day i now have 22 days and i feel great if you want a step down plan. hit me up...because it worked for me...very lil withdrawls...ive tried to quit atleast 10 times and couldnt get pass day 3....so im very blessed that i had a dr. to help me
Helpful - 0
1827057 tn?1397520277
Good job !!!    It will be much easier to succeed with those gone
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
So Im crying a little... THEY ARE ALL FISH FOOD NOW!!!!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
You're right tomorrows a new day. I just wish I didnt have to start all over! SMH.....I will be on here a lot tomorrow! Reading, reading and reading! Praying looking for guidance and next time I will ask for help! I will turn to you all before I do anything.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I had a partial hysterectomy due to all the cancer cells and ovarian cysts I have. I still get really bad abdominal pain and cysts. For the most part I can controll it but noticed that Ibuprofen and motrin causes more abdominal pain at times. Does that sound odd? Its almost like I get really bad heart burn from it! I dont know .... I have had 2 bleeding ulcers and I thought I was going to die when I took motrin. Is there ever an ok time to take pain meds. I guess I can answer that .... No! If its not needed No.... Cutting back was the HARDEST this I have ever done. Leaving my husband was number 2 and having surgery and cancer was number 3! I dumped 2 and 3 now I need to leave # 1 in the dust.
Helpful - 0
1827057 tn?1397520277
yeah get rid of the stash !  It is what cost you your four days
Helpful - 0
1827057 tn?1397520277
This does not have to be a major disaster. You will not go back to day 1 from one pill.  It is great that you got off of all of that stuff and down to one pill per day and now are getting off completely. What kind of pain do you have ??
Is there anything else you can be doing to address the pain?   Just hang in there and keep going and you will be ok. You have come a long way already
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Man I wish I was with you .... I would love to say that word six! Now I get to say ONE again... Grrrrr So Stupid! I wish I could of stuck it out! What made you stay strong? I need a Hobby! Yes I can flush them... I should flush them! the only person I can give them to would be my Ex and he would take them all in a Day! I much rather them be fish food then him having them! I need to Wo-Man Up and get back on the horse
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
PS people make mistakes, tomorrows a new day!! Try OTC meds when it hurts they help me a lot!!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Today is day 6 for me, I was tempted to go back do you have someone safe that can hold your pills, or better yet can you flush them? That way you have no choice but to succeed?
Helpful - 0
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