I am starting to feel pretty good the last couple days. I really have forgotten what normal is, (if I ever knew), but this is close. I have some clarity, some peace, and I believe I have been given 'another' opportunity to become the person I was intended to be. While others were feeling so much better after two or three weeks of being clean; I felt pretty awful (foggy, tired, anxious) and was concerned that this was the way it was going to stay. I'm still having a difficult time sleeping probably because I am still tapering the xanax..and will be for some time. I want to rush it and be done but after everything I've read..it seems prudent to do this slowly. The false sense of security the oxycodone gave me came at such a high price. I used to be a social person and due to my 'use', I retreated from people, from Church, and burned a number of bridges. As an active addict, I became completely selfish and self-centered. I do have a serious illness; but heck so do a lot of people, and many much worse. All I have done in the past 4 years is think about my illness, my pills, my 'terrible' situation. Gloom and doom. I know the work begins now. Get involved with living, go to meetings, get back to church and try to get some counseling. Now I really do see the light at the end of the tunnel. 54 days ago I came here to the forum clueless, just to read.. almost immediately, (like a lightbulb went off in my head) the need to quit these pills became a consuming desire. I want to thank you all for being here and for your support. I thank my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ for carrying me through these many dark nights. I could not have done this alone. I have a long way to go..but I have gratitude once again, I have hope that my life will get better as long as I don't pick up a pill, a drink or anything/anyone that jeopardizes my sobriety. I realize I have been my own worst enemy, and I have the opportunity now to change that. For those struggling today, I just want you to know...it does get better. One foot in front of the other.
One day at a time.