Aa
Feeling alone.
Has anyone been on methadone for over a decade? I've been on this for 12 years and my father asked me,are you going to live like this forever? It hit me so hard cuz I never thought about it.
During those 11 years I went up and down a lot,(highest dose was 80mgs) but managed to get myself down to 13 mgs by new years eve 2011. Then started a silly rapid detox and decreased 13 mgs down to 11mgs for one week. Then 11mgs down to 8.5mgs the next. I got so sick. Felt like my heart almost gave up on me giving me random chest pains. So I had to slow down. I went only 1mg each week til I got to 5.5mgs, & stayed on that for 10 days as I felt the rapid detox was catching up to me. Today is only day one and I'm sending myself into a panic attack! I do have clonidine and Diazapam and some lopermide just in case. Has any body out there been on methadone for over a decade and made it? Are the withdrawals longer than others who has been on it like 3 or 4 years? Will it be harder on people who've been on it too long? Is it too late?
During those 11 years I went up and down a lot,(highest dose was 80mgs) but managed to get myself down to 13 mgs by new years eve 2011. Then started a silly rapid detox and decreased 13 mgs down to 11mgs for one week. Then 11mgs down to 8.5mgs the next. I got so sick. Felt like my heart almost gave up on me giving me random chest pains. So I had to slow down. I went only 1mg each week til I got to 5.5mgs, & stayed on that for 10 days as I felt the rapid detox was catching up to me. Today is only day one and I'm sending myself into a panic attack! I do have clonidine and Diazapam and some lopermide just in case. Has any body out there been on methadone for over a decade and made it? Are the withdrawals longer than others who has been on it like 3 or 4 years? Will it be harder on people who've been on it too long? Is it too late?
Thank you Debbie, you were here since day one.
I will never forget it. My heart won't let me.
Hugs*
Catt. Xx
I will never forget it. My heart won't let me.
Hugs*
Catt. Xx
Congrats & kudos catt on 30 days of freedom from the chains and bondage of addiction.
I am very proud of you and very happy for you.
You are doing fantastic.
I am glad you are home with your family.
Keep on keepin on.
Continued blessings,
Debbie
I am very proud of you and very happy for you.
You are doing fantastic.
I am glad you are home with your family.
Keep on keepin on.
Continued blessings,
Debbie
Hi guys.
I can't thank you guys enough.
30 days, and I'm the happiest person on this earth! I'm getting at least 6 hours of sleep a night, including naps during the day!
And gnarly/Mark.... I now see what you mean about the dreams! I see color!
Sarbie I couldn't agree more. I didn't believe until the day I broke down and just prayed....and it just got better and better. It never went backwards after I started to believe.
All I can say is, God has picked the right angels.
Love you guys
Catt.
I can't thank you guys enough.
30 days, and I'm the happiest person on this earth! I'm getting at least 6 hours of sleep a night, including naps during the day!
And gnarly/Mark.... I now see what you mean about the dreams! I see color!
Sarbie I couldn't agree more. I didn't believe until the day I broke down and just prayed....and it just got better and better. It never went backwards after I started to believe.
All I can say is, God has picked the right angels.
Love you guys
Catt.
Hey Catt good to see you Great to see you clean....well I often say this is all about attitude and yours rocks....yes it is uncomfortable to go threw this but suffering is a choice....I cryed like a baby for a long time im a mans man but during the worship music at church all I could do was weep tears of joy..that God had intervened and got me off this cra p im so so happy to see you recovering so quickly I have helped many people off this stuff and your recovery is amazing give your higher power a high 5 for me that has been Jesus and he has never let me down with is unconditional love it makes my day to see someone break free and still gives me chills when someone does....each time I come on her and pray that if I can just touch one person it will be worth all the effort some maker it some dont but you did Catt your that one person thank you for letting me be part of your recovery and a BIG THANKS for being part of mine...I cant keep it without giving it away may God bless you and your family abundantly your friend and fellow addict Mark
Hi guys!
gnarly my friend, I have found one but it is impossible for me to get there! It was too far and I believe I will alright as long as I keep myself busy and happy and just keep staying on this site as support. Believe me, I'm now 35, I'm young enough to go after my dreams now, which is a hair and makeup course I'm going to start soon. And I'm old enough to know enough is enough. I was a heroin addict since I was 16.... on and off til I was 23. Then was on methadone til I was 35. So pretty much wasted half my life on this crap. And believe me, I just have to look at my boys and see how well they're doing in school, is enough to motivate me to live this happy life to the fullest....naturally! No medication needed I'm high on life.
And I have you, my guardian angel & all the other angels in disguise on this site, you guys were. .... no, ARE showing me how to be happy again. I still can't control my crying as I'm typing this down! But they're happy tears I don't care! Lol
If it weren't for you angels, it would have taken me longer to recover cos I hadn't the slightest clue what to do but lie there and suffer. I am so so grateful to have you guys.
What goes around, comes around. And I believe good will come to u guys times ten.
Thank you.
Catt xx
gnarly my friend, I have found one but it is impossible for me to get there! It was too far and I believe I will alright as long as I keep myself busy and happy and just keep staying on this site as support. Believe me, I'm now 35, I'm young enough to go after my dreams now, which is a hair and makeup course I'm going to start soon. And I'm old enough to know enough is enough. I was a heroin addict since I was 16.... on and off til I was 23. Then was on methadone til I was 35. So pretty much wasted half my life on this crap. And believe me, I just have to look at my boys and see how well they're doing in school, is enough to motivate me to live this happy life to the fullest....naturally! No medication needed I'm high on life.
And I have you, my guardian angel & all the other angels in disguise on this site, you guys were. .... no, ARE showing me how to be happy again. I still can't control my crying as I'm typing this down! But they're happy tears I don't care! Lol
If it weren't for you angels, it would have taken me longer to recover cos I hadn't the slightest clue what to do but lie there and suffer. I am so so grateful to have you guys.
What goes around, comes around. And I believe good will come to u guys times ten.
Thank you.
Catt xx
Hey Catt how you doing ??/ your progress is amazing give thanks to God for healing you so quick I was sick for 90 days with only a 7yr habit just keep pushing forward follow the advise and if you google N/A meeting in your area you may be supprized to find them avalble..............................Gnarly...................
No I haven't.... they don't have stuff like that here.... once you're done, you're on your own here. Plus I have to get back to work, & 3 boys to keep me busy.
I'll be ok I promise.
Catt xx
I'll be ok I promise.
Catt xx
Hi guys
Today is day 25 and I can feel myself getting stronger every day! I had my first taste of beef after 3 and a half weeks, since my Dr. Told me to stay away from beef for 3 weeks because it causes inflammation and pain during the cold turkey. I didn't believe him and tried it on the 2nd week and it gave me the restless legs and the pain in my back worse.
So I stopped.
The cold chills are minimal and only when I'm listening to music, it comes back, but no longer hurts like it used to.
I haven't had any restless legs since my 3rd week.
I do have pretty bad anxiety. Just driving out to see my Dr. Was tough. I don't think I have depression thank goodness.
Insomnia is still there of course and I still taking clonidine cos it helps with the anxiety and helps me sleep.
I want to thank you guys for helping me through my hardest, darkest days. I will stay on this site no matter what.
Wanna give you guys a big group hug! My guardian angels.
Catt xox
Today is day 25 and I can feel myself getting stronger every day! I had my first taste of beef after 3 and a half weeks, since my Dr. Told me to stay away from beef for 3 weeks because it causes inflammation and pain during the cold turkey. I didn't believe him and tried it on the 2nd week and it gave me the restless legs and the pain in my back worse.
So I stopped.
The cold chills are minimal and only when I'm listening to music, it comes back, but no longer hurts like it used to.
I haven't had any restless legs since my 3rd week.
I do have pretty bad anxiety. Just driving out to see my Dr. Was tough. I don't think I have depression thank goodness.
Insomnia is still there of course and I still taking clonidine cos it helps with the anxiety and helps me sleep.
I want to thank you guys for helping me through my hardest, darkest days. I will stay on this site no matter what.
Wanna give you guys a big group hug! My guardian angels.
Catt xox
Oh WOW! Great job Catt. Are you ready to keep getting better and better everyday? I know you can do it. Remember to never let your guard down. Take it from me, there are bumps aplenty in the road just waiting for you. Don't go to far from the community, as you know, it works...Congratulations Catt...ike
Hi guys,
Jayess545, I cannot describe the feeling! I can only sat it was so worth it! When my brother came up to see me, It had no impact on me whatsoever! I am now that strong! I have control, not the methadone! And all I wanted to do was hug everyone, and constantly hugging & kissing my parents, they are estactic! I never showed any emotion when I was on the Done.
These guys on this site.... I held on to them with everything I had. And followed their advices, directions, support, their love of helping others like us. Please stay on this site, I promise you, it will be the best thing you ever did. It was for me. When I felt like giving up at some point, I would go back onto this site for support and go back and read these posts over and over to see how far I've come, and they keep pulling me through each time.
It's not easy, but we got to fight for it.
Jayess... all the best to you. You can do this!
Catt.
Jayess545, I cannot describe the feeling! I can only sat it was so worth it! When my brother came up to see me, It had no impact on me whatsoever! I am now that strong! I have control, not the methadone! And all I wanted to do was hug everyone, and constantly hugging & kissing my parents, they are estactic! I never showed any emotion when I was on the Done.
These guys on this site.... I held on to them with everything I had. And followed their advices, directions, support, their love of helping others like us. Please stay on this site, I promise you, it will be the best thing you ever did. It was for me. When I felt like giving up at some point, I would go back onto this site for support and go back and read these posts over and over to see how far I've come, and they keep pulling me through each time.
It's not easy, but we got to fight for it.
Jayess... all the best to you. You can do this!
Catt.
Wow Cat, I just have to say you are a huge inspiration to me.
I am working on getting myself off suboxone (almost 3 years on, 7 years on opiates total)
Your post has been very helpful to me.
I am so glad you are doing better.
Best wishes❤
I am working on getting myself off suboxone (almost 3 years on, 7 years on opiates total)
Your post has been very helpful to me.
I am so glad you are doing better.
Best wishes❤
Hi guys.
Thank you gnarly, I hope you're right. I'm not out of the woods yet but I am lucky without the energy crash. It was brutal and that was the one thing that turned me into a horrible person. I was always angry and hated myself and everything! That and the restless legs. Now ... on my 3rd week, it has eased up and given my hope even though I'm slow and weak but I feel great compared to a week ago. And after a meal I feel even better.
I cannot believe my luck. And I'm talking about finding you guys when I did.
Thanks guys so much.
Catt.
Thank you gnarly, I hope you're right. I'm not out of the woods yet but I am lucky without the energy crash. It was brutal and that was the one thing that turned me into a horrible person. I was always angry and hated myself and everything! That and the restless legs. Now ... on my 3rd week, it has eased up and given my hope even though I'm slow and weak but I feel great compared to a week ago. And after a meal I feel even better.
I cannot believe my luck. And I'm talking about finding you guys when I did.
Thanks guys so much.
Catt.
Hey Catt your doing ausum the energy crash lasted a good 90 days for me onw it is different for everybody but on a good side your better in 30 days and the flip side most have it 60 to 90 days age plays a huge roll in all of this sleep will return to you it just takes a wile keep pushing the protien shakes they help a lot try a nice hot soak right b/4 bed that helped me keep posting for support.............Gnarly
Hi guys.
Yeah I've called my husband to cone take me home. It's time to go home. It's been 3 weeks and I miss my boys terribly. They'll keep me busy! Up here with my parents, they've taken care of me. But all I do is lie around staring at the walls.
So happy to come home a whole new person!
Thanks guys for giving me that rope to pull me through.
Catt.
Yeah I've called my husband to cone take me home. It's time to go home. It's been 3 weeks and I miss my boys terribly. They'll keep me busy! Up here with my parents, they've taken care of me. But all I do is lie around staring at the walls.
So happy to come home a whole new person!
Thanks guys for giving me that rope to pull me through.
Catt.
Catt- it is totally utterly great for you to NOT hang w/ your brother when it is a trigger for you. It's often really hard to even identify triggers, so you're ahead of the game. So glad you know that you do not have to "be a good girl" and hang out where it could be a problem. Good for you. Now is the time to be selfish (in the positive way.) Your recovery is THE priority. Everything else comes 2nd. So good for you:)
you have come so far in 20 days! Amazing ,you deserve a huge pat on the back! Keep on keeping on xxx
Hi guys.
20 days and I'm doing really well. I have a dilemma though. My brother's coming up to see our parents up in the country side. Problem is, he's still on his methadone. And he's on 75 mgs!
I'm only on 20 days clean and going through the mental side effects. Just knowing what he's bringing up with him is sending me into a panic attack! He is the last person I should be seeing right now.
I'm planning on going home though. So if he decides to stay, I'll leave.
On a different note, I am doing so much better.
Still weak but no energy crash. Chills I still have but gets less intense every time and not at often. Still can't sleep and I still do get the occasional restless legs but oddly on one leg instead of both legs.
Love you guys.
Catt.
20 days and I'm doing really well. I have a dilemma though. My brother's coming up to see our parents up in the country side. Problem is, he's still on his methadone. And he's on 75 mgs!
I'm only on 20 days clean and going through the mental side effects. Just knowing what he's bringing up with him is sending me into a panic attack! He is the last person I should be seeing right now.
I'm planning on going home though. So if he decides to stay, I'll leave.
On a different note, I am doing so much better.
Still weak but no energy crash. Chills I still have but gets less intense every time and not at often. Still can't sleep and I still do get the occasional restless legs but oddly on one leg instead of both legs.
Love you guys.
Catt.
Het catt so glad you found the epsom salts. The magnesium really helps.
Keep on soaking.
How are you today?
Keep on soaking.
How are you today?
Thats great news I am 60 days off now and once it let up it got better every day it is a great feeling when that fog lifts that we never realized we was in my new Dr said he wouldnt give it to anyone that it was evil stuff and for once I agree with him even though he is a prick sounds like your gonna make it the RLS was the worst for me Hot baths was the only peace I had from it but I made it so can you
Hi guys
Thanks for always, always being here. I'm so lucky to have the support and understanding and most of all, everything that I needed to do, if not for you guys, I am positive I'd still be in a very slow like death feeling, if not for the advices and leading to the right direction. The only symptoms that still stays with me are the chicken skin, back pain I never knew I had, yawning and sneezing less and less day by day. And of course the insomnia and the god damn restless legs when they feel like playing with me and refuses to stop. Just last night I was up til 5am when it finally stopped and I passed out from it.
I found the Epsom salt. And omg when I soak my body in it, my back pain disappears! ....temporarily of course. But it gives me peace for a while, ... besides all that, I am lucky I don't have that energy crash no more. I was expecting that to last for months.
I really am one of the lucky ones. Although my back pain can get really bad sometimes but its because im always slouching.
Annie you described me 99% right. Wow!
I don't seek to please but when I unintentionally do, I wouldn't even know. Should pay more attention now that I'm no longer a methadone sleep walker.
Everything you told me to do has led me to recover this quick. I still have some symptoms but that energy crash that I dreaded, is actually almost gone. I can tell when I get up to walk to the kitchen. And I feel alright. I am so so grateful. *hugs
Thanks for always, always being here. I'm so lucky to have the support and understanding and most of all, everything that I needed to do, if not for you guys, I am positive I'd still be in a very slow like death feeling, if not for the advices and leading to the right direction. The only symptoms that still stays with me are the chicken skin, back pain I never knew I had, yawning and sneezing less and less day by day. And of course the insomnia and the god damn restless legs when they feel like playing with me and refuses to stop. Just last night I was up til 5am when it finally stopped and I passed out from it.
I found the Epsom salt. And omg when I soak my body in it, my back pain disappears! ....temporarily of course. But it gives me peace for a while, ... besides all that, I am lucky I don't have that energy crash no more. I was expecting that to last for months.
I really am one of the lucky ones. Although my back pain can get really bad sometimes but its because im always slouching.
Annie you described me 99% right. Wow!
I don't seek to please but when I unintentionally do, I wouldn't even know. Should pay more attention now that I'm no longer a methadone sleep walker.
Everything you told me to do has led me to recover this quick. I still have some symptoms but that energy crash that I dreaded, is actually almost gone. I can tell when I get up to walk to the kitchen. And I feel alright. I am so so grateful. *hugs
Day 15!! (Awesome Catt..just awesome!! :)
I was so happy to read about how you feel when your Dad gets home. You described it well & instantly brought me back to the way I felt in my first 5 mos. or so. It's weird how we're so totally enervated & can barely move but @ the same time when we're interacting with others, listening to music (I highly recommend it) or watching something funny or uplifting it's such a revelation. It really underscores how remote from our own feelings & lives we were on M'done, eh? (Who knew? I certainly didn't!). Things will be raw for you like this for a while, so it's important that you try to stay away from anything that might trigger the more difficult/dark side of your feelings. Reading through your honest & heartfelt posts, I get the sense of someone who is hard on themselves internally, presents well externally & seeks to please others (again, I can really relate to all of this -- if I'm reading too much in or projecting, just let me know :) I also see someone with strength & determination (I loved your mention of working @ a butchers & doing your own work there -- not to many chicks in that field -- most excellent!) Along with soul-searching/self-honesty & willingness these qualities will see you through this metamorphosis & beyond.
I'm so glad that you're doing this now, at your age. I really am. You have a journey of self-discovery & limitless possibilities in front of you if you stay the course. It's not easy & you'll be navigating new terrain but just keep the Faith -- in yourself & in the whole arduous, miraculous process.
In terms of the yawning & chills & sneezing, these symptoms will slowly start to dry up in the coming days/weeks. Kudos to you for making it through the M'done 'acutes'! I know it's been brutal but it sounds like you're now firmly standing on the opposite shore. I agree with Weaver that Gatorade is not an optimal choice. I know that it's touted as an electrolyte balancer but it's filled with massive amts. of chemically treated sugar, artificial color & bromated vegetable oil. Since you're feeling energy-less & want to give your chemistry a chance to heal (sugar will interfere mightily with normalizing energy levels) why not hydrate with plain water? Coconut water is a natural & excellent way to balance electrolytes. Just try to bear in mind that you need to keep a healthy intake of : Sodium, Chloride, Potassium, Calcium & Magnesium (Also, healthy fats & protein). Remember, if you're eating very little, sweating & have the runs, you're probably not retaining much & might want to make sure to supplement through eating small healthy meals. The vitamins are cool but they are in no way as effective or a replacement for this stuff. Anyway 'nuff of my nutritional screed :)
Just wanted to give you an 'atta girl -- way to go Catt on Day 15!!
Good Sleep, warmth & comfort to you, my friend,
Annie
I was so happy to read about how you feel when your Dad gets home. You described it well & instantly brought me back to the way I felt in my first 5 mos. or so. It's weird how we're so totally enervated & can barely move but @ the same time when we're interacting with others, listening to music (I highly recommend it) or watching something funny or uplifting it's such a revelation. It really underscores how remote from our own feelings & lives we were on M'done, eh? (Who knew? I certainly didn't!). Things will be raw for you like this for a while, so it's important that you try to stay away from anything that might trigger the more difficult/dark side of your feelings. Reading through your honest & heartfelt posts, I get the sense of someone who is hard on themselves internally, presents well externally & seeks to please others (again, I can really relate to all of this -- if I'm reading too much in or projecting, just let me know :) I also see someone with strength & determination (I loved your mention of working @ a butchers & doing your own work there -- not to many chicks in that field -- most excellent!) Along with soul-searching/self-honesty & willingness these qualities will see you through this metamorphosis & beyond.
I'm so glad that you're doing this now, at your age. I really am. You have a journey of self-discovery & limitless possibilities in front of you if you stay the course. It's not easy & you'll be navigating new terrain but just keep the Faith -- in yourself & in the whole arduous, miraculous process.
In terms of the yawning & chills & sneezing, these symptoms will slowly start to dry up in the coming days/weeks. Kudos to you for making it through the M'done 'acutes'! I know it's been brutal but it sounds like you're now firmly standing on the opposite shore. I agree with Weaver that Gatorade is not an optimal choice. I know that it's touted as an electrolyte balancer but it's filled with massive amts. of chemically treated sugar, artificial color & bromated vegetable oil. Since you're feeling energy-less & want to give your chemistry a chance to heal (sugar will interfere mightily with normalizing energy levels) why not hydrate with plain water? Coconut water is a natural & excellent way to balance electrolytes. Just try to bear in mind that you need to keep a healthy intake of : Sodium, Chloride, Potassium, Calcium & Magnesium (Also, healthy fats & protein). Remember, if you're eating very little, sweating & have the runs, you're probably not retaining much & might want to make sure to supplement through eating small healthy meals. The vitamins are cool but they are in no way as effective or a replacement for this stuff. Anyway 'nuff of my nutritional screed :)
Just wanted to give you an 'atta girl -- way to go Catt on Day 15!!
Good Sleep, warmth & comfort to you, my friend,
Annie
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