Feeling defeated...

[NowOrNever43]

I am feeling really defeated after many failed attempts to get clean, I am determined this time though. I have no more money to spend, I am living paycheck to paycheck and this is no life to live anymore. I have told the dealer no more and am hoping he will respect me enough to listen to my wishes. I am nervous to have to go thru this while working but have cut down to 3 30mg pills a day sometimes going a whole day with nothing. I know what to expect but for some reason my nerves always kick in before I even start feeling any type of withdrawal which I know only makes it worse. I don't really have any questions really just hoping for support, I have got a lot of support on this site in the past and am hoping I haven't burned too many bridges from letting everyone down so many times. Hopefully I can do this while working cause I really can't afford any days off.. I took my last pill at 4:00 I am praying this time it will be my last.. Thanks in advance for any support, please no criticism I can't handle it right now, I'm already down enough on myself..

[Nursey7]

You are doing good, just stay positive!  I am right there with ya-on day 6. This site helps me so much because everyone genuinely cares about you  There is something about strangers, sight unseen that makes it so cool. I have printed a list of meetings and probably am gonna give one tomorrow. Are you a spiritual person?  Believe in a higher power?  Just please know that I truly care what you are going through and can totally relate. I hope you get some sleep and on to day 2!!!

[faithinjesus875]

You need to pray. I dont know if you are saved or not but if you are not you should confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God has raised him from the dead and you will be saved. You should pray to God almighty in the name of Jesus and ask him for strength and ask him to have mercy on you. He will get you through it. He will ease your withdrawls symptoms

[ricart70]

Great job friend. You keep pushing through and it will get better soon and you never have to go back if you don't want to. I hope you get some sleep and hats off to you for working through this.  Hang in there !!

[angie1609]

Awesome on getting yourself to work! Hopefully that wiped you out. I am starting out on day 1, and have sadly gone through this before. PM me anytime you want to talk.

Keep fighting! Praying the both of us get some sleep tonight!

[NowOrNever43]

I made it through day 1 at work, it wasn't all that bad. I was able to keep my mind occupied which really does help. By the end of the day I was extremely drained and still am, hoping to sleep some tonight, cause day 2 is never easy for me. I will post again tomorrow and let everyone know how I am doing, thanks for all the support.

[NowOrNever43]

Thank you so much for the support, I unfortunately can not take any time off from work but I think being at work will be a good distraction. I go nuts trying to do this at home, I think too much and it makes me more anxious. I just need to buckle down and ride this storm out. I want to be happy n healthy, I want to enjoy life again. I will keep you all posted as often as I can while at work, and will be on this site religiously when I am not working. Thanks again.

[toothfairie]

just wanted to lend my support...you got some great advice from the above posters....you've done this before...so try not to psych yourself out about the WD.....they will be over and you can look forward to your new clean life....work might take your mind off things but if you can't make it just tell them you have the stomach bug and go home....

get the stuff you need before you get to feeling too bad so you won't have to shop feeling like crap....you can do this...just stay strong and know we are here to help you thru it.  Good luck on your journey to a new life!!  

[ricart70]

You can do this. Your situation sounds like mine. I could not spend enough money to get high after a while and it became no fun and I had nothing. I detoxed one time with nothing but water because I literally had nothing.
We are here to support you. Use what has worked for you and throw away what has not. Get out and go for a walk if you can. Watch some movies to take your mind off of it.  Best wishes

[OpenMind24hours]

I wish you had some days off work for this, but possibly work will help keep it all together for you. If I feel lousy and get to work, it seems to take my mind off how I feel and a 2nd wind kicks in. I hear you on meetings, I didn't go until day 8 this last time I went thru detox. But then I went and I haven't stopped going since. Between this site and my meetings I have quite a support system going. I'm the worst person I can be alone with. I got to get out, get with other addicts and listen to what they have to say for a change. My own thinking will never fix my own thinking. My own thinking caused me 3 WD sessions in 4 years!

I know that I'm not responsible for my disease but I am responsible for participating in my own recovery. You're participating in your recovery very well by posting what you just posted. You're listening to other addict's thinking just by asking us for help and support on here. Don't even worry, you're going to get through this. When you finish detox and start working on your long- term recovery, a brand new life is in store for you. Congratulations on your decision to get clean!!

[VICourageous]

Oh Good no pills..You do know about the things people have used on here to help ease it a bit..Ya! Well w/ds are going to happen..You will get through them..Maybe they will not be as bad if you got down some.
Can you take a couple of days off?? Like sick time?? But maybe it will be better to re-direct the thinking..I know I did in the first 40 days..I came off of a 12 year Methadone, adderall & a benzo c/t..It was not fun but I almost made it 9 months and still counting one day at a time!! I did all the other opiates before I went up to the Dones..Shoot that was not to smart!! Ha!! Hang tight you will be fine before you know it.

[NowOrNever43]

I have no more pills, I am out and can not get anymore. I have not gone to a meeting yet, I do plan on it but want to get through the physical withdrawals first. I really appreciate your support. I know for me I usually don't start feeling the withdrawal until day 2, so tomorrow at work shouldn't be too bad I am nervous about days 2 & 3 though. Going to keep pushing through tho I have to.

[VICourageous]

Ah Yes we are not going to get you down..We all our addicts and we know how powerful this disease can be!!
Just get back in that Saddle again and ride toward the Sunrise or Sunset!!
Can you give your pills to someone you trust to hand them out..You sure know how that goes..Stick with us for support..
Have you ever hit any of the AA/NA for support too!! This Journey into Recovery sure can not be walked alone.
At least you are Open & Honest and that is a big one!
Bless

[NowOrNever43]

Thank you, I am trying not to psyche myself out and just let it take its course I just get so overwhelmed sometimes. I want to live a happy n sober life because this is no life. I never realized how many people I have shut out of my life because of these devil pills until recently. I want to make it all right again. Thanks again for the support!

[NowOrNever43]

Thank you for the support, it's much appreciated. I will be sure to take Imodium with me for sure! I will stay close to the forum for support and to vent as well!

[ariley13]

Hi! Sounds like you know the drill. Almost all of us have been on the merry-go-round of trying to stop and failing. Don't beat yourself up over it. I am glad that you are here and ready to try again. Please try not to stress about how bad the wds will be, because it really does make it worse. You just end up 'psyching' yourself out. It will probably be easier than previous attempt because you have managed to cut your dosage down. Just know that we are here for you and want you to succeed. Please keep posting for support! Good luck to you!

[On2better]

No one here will criticize or judge you. We've all been there. You can do this. I worked for the first 2 days of my opiate detox and did ok. It helped take my mind off things and distract me. Make sure you have tons of water and some Imodium on hand. That's all I used and it helped a ton. Other people will tell you about different supplements. Expect to feel uncomfortable, but it will pass. Just think, a week from now, you will be a brand new you. Try to get to a local meeting or support group too. And post often. We're here for you