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Avatar universal

Feeling discouraged

I quit using vicodin and tramadol like 10 days ago. I think the physical WD are over and they were pretty rough but I think most of them are done but I just have no energy, no drive and I don't care about anyone right now. I spend 80% of my days alone in my room cause I just can't stand to talk to ppl or my family cause as much as they care they just don't get it. I've been using all this year everyday and I made the choice to quit cause things started getting out of hand.

I was wondering when does it get better? I spent Chrsitmas in my room cause I'm miserable and I can't face people and be a downer. I have a prescription at the pharmacy if I want. It's been sitting there for 4 days. I knew this was going to happen because I just quit CT and I know from the past once I get past the physical WD I start to regress. My mom thought that was a bad idea and didn't support that idea. I just tired of feeling like this , if it's going to be a couple of more weeks I can tough it out but right now I'm seriously thinking there is something wrong with me and maybe I'll be like this forever ? I'm trying to find a good reason not to go back. I'm so good at giving other people advice but when it comes to myself I'm not sure anymore...,
49 Responses
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470217 tn?1360565361
Hi,  Minty

I just scanned this thread and want to say hi and good for you. I'm tapering right now off tramadol and feeling extremely wonky right now. It helps me to see that you are a few steps ahead of me and starting to feel better. So I just wanted to tell you that and wish you all the best.

Zoey
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Just wanted to thank everyone for their wonderful comments and support. It means alot that others are willing to help someone else even though they themselves may be struggling with their addictions but still take the time to try and help another.

Past two days have been good. Getting back to a normal schedule and actually been productive as well. The mental cravings are strong but I'm trying to focus on keeping busy with work stuff so time will help it pasd i guess.

Hope everyone is doing well, God bless.
Helpful - 0
4583567 tn?1360256847
You've got through the worst of it. I know that the mental pain is a lot longer process but it WILL GET BETTER! My friend has been clean for a year and he is just starting to be his old self! I am on day 17 and I'm feeling how you are, depressed, exhausted, angry at myself and just not happy! But what helps is to get your body to naturally release seratonin. I take my dog for a walk, play video games, listen to music. Get as much exercise as u can so that your body gets stronger (even if you start with half hour of walking a day) and eat healthy so your body has natural vitamins and minerals and anti oxidants and all that good stuff. You should cancel your script. You've done an amazing job and your such a strong person! You've gotten so far, please don't move backwards!
Helpful - 0
654560 tn?1331854581
Congratulations............you are rocking some really good skills concerning processing the whole situation.....you have a gentle soul and we all got to see how kind and understanding you are....what you have done with all this is Proof Positive that you are applying the principles to you life. Very Proud of you :)....keep up the awesome work !!!!
Helpful - 0
3197167 tn?1348968606
You came full circle on that one.....and all in less than 8 hrs!  You DONE GOOD.  I love your attitude~
Helpful - 0
3120424 tn?1347170032
Minty you have the right attitude! Well done.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
ok..sigh..i didn't do anything stupid. I called a member form the meeting and explained to him what happened and he told me that's unfortunate and that shouldn't have happened. I did think of using today, but I couldn't because I didn't have my wallet! lol.. that thought passed after an hour and just went for a coffee with a friend.

I know that one bad person in a meeting is not reflective of the whole and it's wrong for me to judge people like that. I was just angry. I feel bad for that person that took my wallet to be so desperate to do that so I'm not angry anymore just kinda of sad for that person. I agree with what you guys said and it makes perfect sense. I guess it just bothered me but I'm not going to play the I'm a victim card on this one. I can replace all those things in my wallet. It's not a big thing in the grand scheme of it all. I did call and tell one of the older members what happened. I can't prove anything but I'm sure I know who took it but I'm just going to let it go and hope they realize it was wrong.
Helpful - 0
654560 tn?1331854581
it is very possible that someone @ the meeting did steal your wallet.. we are all at different degree's in our recovery... not everyone is looking out for your best interest.... in the rooms or out of the rooms.....the indivual person who may have stole your wallet does not represent the fellowship of NA....the fellowship is built on a set of principles that lead us to freedom...some are sicker than others... if it was stolen from the meeting i will have to say "poor form"....... most important..... what are you going to do with these feelings you are having??? you stand at perhaps your first crossroad... of choosing to stay clean through a bad experience...or giving you disease exactly what it wants A reason to get high!!!......My hope is that you will stay clean through this and gain some awesome insight as to How to stay clean in the midst of a storm..........please choose to take the high road and stay clean.......
Helpful - 0
4498819 tn?1357670590
Couldnt have said it better, PorVida
Helpful - 0
3176864 tn?1391555073
I am sorry that someone stole your wallet.  There is nothing worse than feeling violated when someone steals from you.
But look at it this way.  You can replace a wallet and its contents, but at least you are still clean and sober and trying.

The emotions of anger you feel are real for once and letting them out is part of healing.

Hang in there today, do not let this set back your healing.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
That's it I'm ******* done. This is what I get. I just realized this morning that my wallet is missing and checked everywhere and I can't find. Now that I think about it and I never remeber having it when I left the NA meeting last night. That's what I get for trying to better myself someone stealing my ******* wallet. I think I know who took it when they give you a hug when you first come in. It was still early and not alot of people were around yet. This is ******* ********. NA can go suck it. That's what I get for trying to better myself, some stealing crack addict degenerate stealing my wallet and here I am waking up thinking today is going to be a great day. It never ******* ends. GREAT!
Helpful - 0
4341997 tn?1514588688
yep we have to put in the work not for sure....hoping we all have a great week!  you are doing so great!!  keep up the good work!  
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I also wanted to say is after sleeping the whole weekend lol is that I woke up early this morning and for the first time I actually feel hopeful and positive that maybe I can be totally happy without drugs. Others are, why not me or why not all of us here? I know if I'm positive than good things can happen. The first step was stopping drugs but I realize now the hard work comes after. Well here's hoping for an excellent week.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thanks guys as always some great advice. My original plan was to do the 90 meetings in 90 days. I think that's important just so I can go all different type of meetings and like you said weed out the ones not for me and find my home group. Finding the right one can mean the difference between failure and success. I hear you about the differences between na and as. I myself never did meth, crystal or crack. Not judging the ppl that have but if all comes down to what works for you. Maybe I'll check out a AA meeting and see how I like it. I just wanna start recovering mentally and start to be a more productive and happy person do I'm willing to try anything. Thx again ill let you guys know how it goes.
Helpful - 0
4149717 tn?1389503561
HI there! SO I wanted to chime in and give you my thoughts on NA/AA. As you know I have been going to AA and going everyday for a couple of weeks now. I started going about 3 weeks into my sobriety.

The first meeting I went to was an NA meeting and I did not like it. I felt like I couldnt realte to the people there and It really triggered me listeing to people. Now, I mainly do narcotics and I have done jsut about all type of narcotic but at least in my meeting, I couldnt realate to people doing Crystal Meth or had a needle sticking out of their arm ya know?

SO i went to an AA group and I loved it! Now, Again, I couldnt relate to alot of the people there because Drinking has never been a big issue for me, BUT I found there were alot of drunks, who are also pill poppers!  BUT regardless of whether I was an Alcoholic or not, they were all so welcoming and made me feel like I fit in.

Many people will say you should try a few different places until you find your "home" group and I agree with that. Since I started AA I have gone to 3 different groups and I can say without doubt, I belong where I am at.  You jjust have to keep looking until you find the one that fits you.

The Fellowship can really be a great thing and useful tool i keeping you clean. Being around like minded individuals is a plus!

Oh and My sponsor told me that unfortunately you will come across people who are not there to get clean necessarily! and will try to tempt others. Misery loves company! Just stay away from them and if someone offers you to get high or anything like that, then Let someone else there know. They could ask him to leave.

Keep fighting and keep putting in the hard work!
Helpful - 0
3120424 tn?1347170032
Keep trying until you find a few good meetings that fit. There is an a$$ for every chair, right? I have just recently found one that I really like- it took months for that to happen!

Have you tried AA meetings? I know many addicts or alcoholics-addicts who prefer AA - they seem to have lots of options in terms of meeting schedules, and house people with strong foundations with lots of clean time :) (not that NA doesn't, just passing along some ideas!)
Helpful - 0
4341997 tn?1514588688
thank you!  everyone at the meetings have been super nice...got a few phone numbers....but like you, the meetings i've been going to are 40 mins from home so i need to find one closer to me.....i go after i see my counselor and it's close then, but not from home....so it's beginning to be a chore...so i def need to find one closer.  Good luck with your next meeting!  you are doing so great!  
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hey Tooth! Yeah I was thinking it might just not be the right crowd for me? I might try one closer to home sometime this week. And yes it was depressing for me as we'll, out of all the stories I only heard one that was oh hope. The rest of the stories were to try and scare the new guy so he keeps coming to meetings. Trust me I'm already scares without extra help lol...

Congrats on your clean time too tooth!
Helpful - 0
4341997 tn?1514588688
Hi Minty....i find i'm struggling with going to meetings as well....like you said....not that i think i'm not as bad....but i get depressed while i'm in there...i feel better after i go but not sure if it's because my counselor wants me at meetings and i'm just trying to please her or if it does help me....i'm still going to give it a try and go to a diff meeting and see if that helps...

congrats on your clean time!  you are doing great!  hang in there!  
Helpful - 0
3176864 tn?1391555073
I felt the same way that I was trying to weasel out of recovery but I realized everyone's recovery is different.  I too used to cope with life.  I started from an injury then lost a good friend and brother in a 2 year span. That's when it started to spiral out of control. I played all the games only use on weekends.  Never two days in a row.  My last relapse lasted 6 months from 1 pill.
I've realized I can never take them ever.  
I like the NA literature.  I read a lot about recovery.
I find staying active helps and music.  I put on an old DVD of a band I liked tonight and didn't think about this at all I was mesmerized by an old love again
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thx Porvida for the reply. I felt I could relate to all of them but just like you going to the meeting actually made me crave more. I even tried a religios meeting a week before and I though it focused too much on the religion side. The na meetings I found ppl taking a lot about drugs and what they did to get them. A lot if horror stories that brought back old memories from long time ago. Well I guess it's a process to see what works for you. I'm not trying to discourage anyone from NA cause I know it helps a lot of ppl but I don't think it was for me.

I'm glad at least I'm not the only that feels that way, I thought maybe I was just trying to weasel out of recovery. I think therapy sessions would be better for me cause I know I'm not physically addicted to drugs I use them to cope and not deal with the responsibility of taking control of my life. I did get an NA book from the meeting and it has some nice info so wasn't a total loss.
Helpful - 0
3176864 tn?1391555073
I hear you on the NA meetings.  When I attended the people were nice but I just didn't relate to them. It wasn't that I thought I wasn't as bad or had it under control just didn't click. I also got crazy cravings to use at the meetings
I've recently started some therapy, focusing on my spirituality, and using these forums
U have come so far, your brain is just getting back to normal but still wants to trick u into using. Don't give in everyday that goes by is a day further along in your healing
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
So I went to my first NA meeting. A guy they're basically implied to me that his friend left a box of meds at his house and he doesn't want them. So here I am at an NA meeting and I'm dying to ask him if I can buy some. Like seriously wtf is wrong with me? I can't get them from the doctor no more and ill seem to be doing is scheming of ways to get them. Can someone put me straight or give me some perspective. I'm like 2 weeks clean but I'm shaky about it.

I'm afraid to go about my life normally cause I don't know if I can handle the pressures in the real world. Drugs were a huge coping mechanism for me. The na meeting did help but the whole time I'm thinking im not as bad as people here, I got this under control. Idk I just feel like ok I'm not using right now but I'm frozen in place. It's also kinda sad that I could of picked up drugs at an NA meeting but w/e that's a whole different story. The people overall were nice and made me feel welcome and comfortable. Maybe I should do 90 meetings in days? It's so east for to get these drugs though and that doesn't help either.
Helpful - 0
3120424 tn?1347170032
Yep Minty...it is kind of a lifestyle change, you're right.. At first, thinking about how much change and work went into getting clean, felt almost too 'big' for lack of a better word. Looking back, however, I can see its a journey and its kinda fun and really, it's not hard. A lot of it comes naturally and like we said, one step at a time.
Helpful - 0
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