Feeling so Lost and Well I don't know.. Please Help

[Willow1010]

After a few years of addiction to Oxys, percs and codiene and the pain,lonliness and self loathing that come with it, i finally decided enough was enough... i had tried a few times cold turkey, i could not do it.. 4 weeks ago, i gave in and started the methadone clinic. Once reaching 45 mg. i said i wanted to stop increasing.. which was last Tuesday i believe.. I still find it rough, but feel that i can fight through it on this dosage.. i do not want to go higher.. as i want to start weaning soon.. I must sample 2 times a week... My last 4 samples have been clean.. i have not taken anything other then my prescribed dosage of methadone... I am still not happy.. still struggling within myself... still feeling so a lone... No body, other then the person i was getting my fixes off,  knows of my addiction.. i have kept it a secret.. as i am so ashamed of both that and having to go on methadone..  But i keep trudging along. going to the clinic everyday, get my dose.. go to work, which i am late for everyday.. as i start work the same time as the clinic opens..  but i do this, grasping and trying to cling to the hope that one day, i will feel better..
The next problem, It is thanksgiving weekend..  i am supposed to be heading to my mothers tomorrow for our family thanksgiving...  i will be there from tomorrow. which is Thursday until Tuesday...  My mom lives in the country.. outskirts.. not in a town.. and as i am new to the program i am not allowed carries yet..  What do i do?  Will i get sick? go through withdrawls from the methadone while at my moms?  my whole family will be there.. I do not know what to do.. at this point.. i can not even ask anyone for a ride into a town to get methadone, as i cannot tell anyone about my addiction..
Please Help

[gnarly_1]

HI Willow.....it is not uncommon for clinics to start you out on methadone first...to stabilize you off your DOC ...it is also common for them to want to keep you on methadone and move you up to a high dose to make you a lifetime client ..getting off methadone is a slow process
and it takes months to come down so stick to your guns about not going any higher in dose
I spent 6 1/2 yrs on methadone for pain management it is nothing you want to be on long term the side effects are numerous if you switch to sub they usually want you down around 20ml at most clinics...that number comes right from the subs physician desk reference
if you stay on sub 90 days or so and strat to taper right away coming off sub is not that bad we just had a member ang_811 come off 2mg and is doing well....coming off methadone is a real grind I was sick for 90 days b/4 I started to get better so get off it as soon as you can unless your planing on staying on it the rest of your life...methadone is an over kill for small to moderate pill habits and should not be used as a get out of jail free card its not and the withdrawals are brutal to say the least..get off and get out wile your ahead...I wish you all the best...let us know how it goes at the clinic switching
just remember methadone cost .39 cents a dose its a real cash cow for the clinic good luck and God bless......Gnarly    

[Willow1010]

Thank you all for all you have said... i am still so very confused.. i am not sure why, but at the methadone clinic.. my first question was suboxone, i was told i had to start on methadone.. now that they have me at 45 mg of methadone.. which i asked to stop at, i didn't want to go higher, they say i should go higher btw.. i asked again about suboxone, and they said i had to be done to 30 mg of methadone in order to switch.. why did they have me first start on methadone when i wanted suboxone, then have me go higher then 30mg. if thats where i have to be in order to get suboxone?

[tellit2her]

Hi willow, I am recovering from a very long stint (24 years) from vicodins to fentanyl in massive high doses along with cocktails of xanax. I basically lost everything from  material to human loss. Several rehab center stays worked briefly only to find my nose at the end of a straw within days or weeks after rehab stays. We all have our certain  ways of healing or trying to heal and come to a compromise to end this horrible and dreaded disease. I decided to use methadone as a last resort. Its now been almost a year and I am holding a good job, enjoy having a higher power in my life, paying off bills from doctor shopping and lying, coming to terms, energy and having a pulse and getting out of bed each morning with a smile. I do not care what others say about methadone, as most of them hear its horror storys on the streets. I have several recovering addicts in their 70's who have been on methadone for over 30 years that look good and living good, so I try not to listen to negative folks out there. I love my life, and I know it works for me very well. Loving and living in NC,  take good care,  Mike

[Iwant2Bclean]

I did call my Dr and ask him just for her about switching from Meth to Sub's and he said "They have to be on 30mg for at least 3 weeks" If she is only on 45 shouldn't be a problem to switch at all since she is not coming down from high doses. And then said that "It is not as easy to switch to Sub's from Meth like it is from Opiates"Takes about a month to feel ok with the sub's but not a bad feeling. Willow had told me that her Dr said that in order for her to be on Sub's she had to do Meth first! Sounds to me like that Dr wanted to keep her on Meth?? I will tell how Suboxone saved my life and gave me a second chance at life til the day I take my last breath. It works for you if you want it to work! Addictive? Heck yes but what in this world ain't? Do you withdrawl from it? Bet your *** you do. Was mine anything like what I was scared to death it would be HELL NO... That is just me though so I can't say it will be that for everybody but just suck it up and put on your big girl and boy britches and do it! I had 1 whole day of feeling like I had a bad flu  the runs and feeling like I needed to sleep. So sleep is what I did. From day 5 at 1130am-11am day 6. On the 6th day I got Naltrexone which I have read don't stop WD's  but I do know mine are gone. If I can do it anybody can cause I am a baby when it comes to even the minor WD's cause I think about what comes next. Aren't we all here for the same thing? To get CLEAN? Well to get clean you are gonna have to have some sort of WD's to achieve that goal. Best wishes and I will pray for all of those that are still taking something and scared to let go and get CLEAN

[Dav125]

From what I've heard your doing very well being 7 days out from subs..I don't know Krissy..Thats where this site comes in. Its not word of mouth but you actually find people that have experienced this and that and alot of times its totally contradictory to what warnings are out there when some of these things are prescribed. Then you start to find or hear about doctors that think they know about things, like the one's that say there are not wd's associated with tramadol, yet ask Tramahater about it. She can give you an earful of what they do. Or cymbalta. Some say great, I say "no way". I was one the side that had I continued ,I would have gotten raked over the coals had I not stopped that when I did a few years ago..

Glad your feeling somewhat good though. I know someone in here that on those now thats so afraid of stopping. Your example might just get her to stop thinking that way  :)

[Iwant2Bclean]

That is what I feel. I went on Suboxone for Roxy 30 and Opana 30 Dialudid  and Morphine Roxy and Opana was a daily thing and the others were at least 2 weeks out of the month when I could find them. From what I have heard Methadone DT's are worse than any the Roxy WD's I thought I was dying from. Correct me if I am worng PLEASE. I am not speaking from experience just from what I have heard from friends on Meth. I am 7 days off Sub's and compared to WD's from my Drug of Choice was a cake walk.

[Dav125]

The comments above are what really have been bugging me lately. Why use a sledgehammer on a small rock (so to speak). I understand it being used on addictions associated with morphine and heroin, but not vicodins, lortabs, or percocet usage.

I just don't understand

[justneedtotalk]

I too was on methadone for an hydro habbit.  As long as you are on it for a very short time it will be bad but not as bad.  How long have you been on 30mg's?  You will probably be ok for about two days without methadone where you will be able to maintain and function around people.  Day three though you start to experience the first stages of methadone withdrawal.  You still might be able to play it off around other people but you are going to start feeling miserable.  Day four and five are going to be tough but you might suprise yourself and with going four or five days without you are getting really close to being able to go the rest of the way cold turkey.  Everyone is different but I went cold turkey after being on Methadone off and on for 3 years then full time the last 4 months.  My detox has been difficult but managable.  I was able to work through it and other than playing off being sick for a week or so it can be done.  I wish you the best of luck and please do not go more than 4-6 months on methadone.  Methadone is like a nucleur bomb compared to hydro's or other opiates.  Detox from full blown methadone usage is 100 times worse than ANY hydro, oxy, or perc's.  Hopefully you have the frame of mind to take yourself off or wean quicker than they recommend.  Remember that methadone clinics are for profit and make money off of high numbers.....Good luck and god bless!

[Dav125]

Learn something new everyday..Never knew it was celebrated up there. :)

[jstntime]

Thanksgiving is on this coming Monday in Canada.

[Dav125]

Thanksgiving ?? Kinda early isn't it?

[Iwant2Bclean]

Sent you message inbox

[feohmoon]

I agree with your decision to only use methadone briefly but many doctors will discourage that plan even though methadone withdrawals are severe and longer lasting than those of opiates.  I am sure that you do not simply want to trade addictions so be careful with the methadone as it is just as addictive as other pills.
I wish that I could tell you that you would feel fine all weekend but the reality is that you will be feeling rough over the weekend.  You should be ok for a couple of days because methadone has a longer half life than opiates and stays in your system longer (hence the drawn out withdrawals that lasts for months) - It is too bad that you cannot talk with your family members because support is a key component of recovery.  
Although I am not advocating lying, you will probably just have to let your family know that you feel like you are coming down with something (that is not a lie).  
This is a difficult thing to do on your own, perhaps you can find some aftercare in your area or through your doctor to help with this transition.
Best of luck, continue posting.