Fiancee is on Heroin, long time user

[JaneDoe777]

My fiancee has been a long time user of heroin, about 15 years.  He's only 30 now.  My story and questions stem from a fairly unique situation.  My fiancee was born with nerve damage, missing vertebra, and had a flesh eating disease very young which caused more natural pain and nerve damage.  He has used off and on through his whole life wether it was pain pills or heroin.  3 months ago he fell off the wagon and started shooting heroin again.  He detoxed and got clean and stayed clean for two months, and then I had to go away on business for a whole month. Within a week of me being away things started to get weird again.  I wouldn't hear from him for hours, he would sleep all day long, was very moody and his emotions were irrational and sometimes unusually angry.  He claimed he was clean, so I gave him the benefit of the doubt until I got home.  The night I got home I found a bad of heroin paraphernalia.  Used needles, a spoon that was ours, bloody tissues, lemon juice, everything but the drug itself.  He claims it was a junkie friend who was over, which is a whole issue in itself - why are you hanging out with a junky and trying to stay sober??  I've been home only 2 days and I've found way more evidence like empty balloons, more bloody tissues, etc. etc.  Not to mention the fact that he spends about an hour to an hour and a half twice a day in the bathroom.  He still claims he is clean.  He has a prescription for buprenorphine and I count the pills every day to make sure hes taking them.  It looks like he is, but I've heard different things about that drug too.  He won't go to counseling saying it doesnt help and also the fact that he has been a drug counselor himself, he knows all the psychological tricks...

  My questions:

1. How many times can someone fall off the wagon before a loved one should give up and leave?
2.  Can you " chip off" and inject your buprenorphine while using? (he claims his prescription would make his very sick if he was using)
3. What is a safe, non-offensive, non-accusing way of approaching him about this?  (I tend to do it all wrong and get angry and frustrated)
4. What can he do to prove hes clean?

Sorry for the lengthy story, I'm just confused, paranoid and still traumatized and not over the abuse prior.  Please help.  I have nobody to go to about this.

[rizboy]

Its down to you how many times you forgive.you know your self hes still using,so balls in your court.yoy can buy drug testing(urine)kits cheap on the net to prove again hes still using.you can inject subutex if clean,if your still using then it would make you very ill.all the best

[rizboy]

Its down to you how many times you forgive.you know your self hes still using,so balls in your court.yoy can buy drug testing(urine)kits cheap on the net to prove again hes still using.you can inject subutex if clean,if your still using then it would make you very ill.all the best

[donefornow]

Easiest n simplest thing would be to buy a drug test and have him take it- I don't think that is an unreasonable request- there are signs of drug abuse n doing the test would take 2 minutes instead of fighting about something for days and weeks!  I know people who have to take a drug test for work - to keep their jobs- this wld keep your trust n is a fair request- if he is clean - he may put up an initial stink n be shocked you asked n get defensive- but if you wrote him a nice letter as to why you want him to take it I'm sure if he is reasonable n not using he wld comply--

Now if he is using - he will put up a big fuss n never take it - and you'll have your answer

As far as how many chances to give someone - that is up to you!  No easy answer on that-

[buncogirl003]

I wish I had words of wisdom for you.  Someone else was on here tonight in a very similar situation.

I believe you need to take care of YOU.....and he HAS to want to stop!  Unfortunately....that is his choice.  And I think you probably know in your heart that he may not want to stop.....and if he doesn't YOU have some decision  to make.

There is a Living with an Addict Forum under Forums....maybe someone there is wiser then me.  

I can not say what I would do....but as someone said earlier.....YOU deserve to be happy and feel safe.

Follow your head and your heart!  You matter!!!!

Take care of YOU ok!!!???