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Avatar universal

First Time Poster


I'm posting this because I'm really sick and tired of being addicted to pain killers.  I've been off and on hydrocodone and oxycodone for about 5 years.  It all started at work with a bunch of guys who always had them.  It was cool at first for us all to pop a few and work and laugh together.  But now, I'm older and married with two kids and this crap is ruining my life.  Before, it never got to the point where I was going thru withdrawals when I wouldn't take them but now I've found a steady supply and I take usually 3 - 6 a day.  And at $6 a piece, it's ruining my life.  I am already broke, heading for divorce, and I'm sure it can only get worse from there.  I won't go to rehab or a doctor, I just have to quit.  I have before for a few weeks and then somehow, like a *******, wind up back at the guy's house buying more.  I joined this forum for a little support.

Thanks
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Avatar universal
`Hi and welcome,,,you came to the right place. There are amazing people here with great advice. I have to run off for a while,,so Ill write ya later,,there will be others along here in a few to support you as well. You have the right attitide and sound like you are ready to kick this addictions a$$! Are you familiar with the withdrawals and what to expect? Some advice will be heading your way! I wish you the best! Keep posting and talk to us! ~Bkitty
Helpful - 0
1827057 tn?1397520277
You have come to a great place.There are alot of people here to help and support you.So you can make it to the 3 week mark.You just need to get a little farther over the hump and you will notice alot of improvement.3 weeks isn't long enough to get the benefits of being opiate free.We are here for you if you have any questions
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Avatar universal
Hi and Welcome, You are taking the same amount I was taking and it does and will escalate. Now is the time to end the rain deer games and get your life back? Does your wife have any idea about your habit? Will she or someone local support you? In the meantime, make a plan whether it CT or tapering and stick to it. If you taper, ask a close friend to hold your pills if possible. Your in for a few rough days, but you will be fine. You just have to want this! We are here for you.
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Avatar universal
Yes I'm familiar with the withdrawals.  Only being on 30 - 60mg a day of the devil's medicine the withdrawals aren't too bad physically.  A couple of nights of waking up and that uncomfortable body feeling that I love so much and then they are gone.  The hardest part is the days after all that.  The mental part.  I try to be strong but I always end up justifying it somehow.  I think because I didn't go the last 8 days that it would be okay just to get a few for old time's sake.  But within a few days of that I'm right back where I started.  It just goes over and over.  Yesterday a friend of mine hung himself and it had a lot to do with being addicted.  It's ruining my life and my friends' lives.  It *****.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
WOW, 2 days before Thanksgiving a friend of mine also hung himself. If these people were not put in our path for a reason.......Yes, this is the time to stop their stories from becoming our stories. This is not out of our control. Look at all the others that have been there/done that and living a productive life. Start fighting. Street pills will be harder to get with new laws then what are you going to do? Yup, withdraw harder and possibly get busted scoring more. Stay positive, you can do this!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
My wife will take them every once in a while but she doesn't know i'm taking them every day.  I'm pretty sure she suspects it though.  When I came to work a few minutes ago she was sitting on the floor crying asking me where all of our money is going.  I'm such an idiot.  I even called the guy up before I came in to work but then told him nevermind so I guess this is day one.  I just don't know what to do about the mental part.  I get so bored and time goes sooooo slow.  And I know I probably will get arrested buying them one day.  I've got four or five different people I can get them from and a couple of doctors who kind of look the other way when you go in with a mysterious back pain.  I will stay on this forum and try to use this support and maybe help support other people once I can stay clean.  Thanks.
Helpful - 0
1827057 tn?1397520277
It's good that you want to quit because this does nothing but get worse.You have to give it some time because it takes a while for your brain to return to normal function.If yuo quit and stay quit you will return to normal and you will enjoy things again.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I know it could only get worse.  I just want to be happy again.  I am when I've got a hand full of Dr. Watson's finest but an hour later when that's gone and I just have an empty wallet I'm right back depressed again and swearing them off (for good this time)!  But then I get a few extra bucks and I'm calling the guy up.  I hope I return to normal after being off of them for a while.  How long does it take before you stop thinking about taking pills every 30 seconds of every single day?
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Your wifes tears are at the situation and her fear of what has become of your lives. Make a commitment together to stop the pills at any cost and get back to your normal home.....normal is good. Block your dealers numbers for now and make a deal with yourself that JUST FOR THIS WEEK , you will not seek pills elsewhere. Day by day. Stay in the tub as much as possible. eat small healthy meals, drink water mixed with orange juice, limit coffee. Think of this as an episode of survivor where the stakes are REAL! It is physical, but a mind game too. You are tougher than these pills. FIGHT!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I like the Survivor thing.  I am really healthy besides these pills.  I work out about 5 days a week and run several miles a day.  That definitely helps.  I know I can be strong.  I do it in all other aspects of my life except this.  I am really going to try as hard as I can this time and just tell myself that no matter how hard it gets that it will all be worth it.  I just want to have money again.  I want to be happy.  I try to look at the mental toughness of marines or some of my friends that fight in martial arts and I want to use that to put this addiction in a chokehold and strangle the shlt out of it.
Helpful - 0
1888430 tn?1322319949
My first time around 2 year ago I started out taking 4 a day, got 120 from the doc and a couple months past those 120 would last me about a week! So I started buying more from people I knew. I started taking those along with mine and before it was done I ended up taking 15-25 a day! Lortab 10's.....and Im a woman that is only 5'3 and at the time 120 pounds.....So yea long story short it will get a lot more as time goes on!!

This time I took up to seven a day somedays. But out of any of both times I never was without any. No one knew I took them. My hubby busted me because I racked up 15,000.00 on a cc.....thats how I was getting them the first time after the other money ran out.

So yea all those are good for is ruining life! We also have two little ones and they deserve so much more! You can do it if you want to! No tapering just c/t.....Thats how i did it this time and the first time basically. I went to rehab the first time, needless to say while it helps some I felt more alone without my family so this time I did it at home with my family......

It takes everything from us! And it takes everything from our family! Good Luck, I know you can do it! If not for yourself do it for those kiddos! Youll thank yourself later!
Helpful - 0
822153 tn?1333062995
Hi there and welcome. I was in a similar situation as you are in when I joined this site. Been here awhile now and everyone is really supportive and non judgmental. I've slipped up a few times but have managed to get back on the wagon. My tracker is messed up,so my best guess at my clean time is 37? days. Amazing for me. You CAN so do this!! The mental part is the hardest part,I won't lie to you. But get on here and post,or reach out to someone when you're craving and it will help. Not sure about your work situation though.I'd tell the guys you're quitting for good,and if they are true friends won't put you into any type of a situation that isn't good for you. Good luck to you. Stay strong,and keep posting!!~A
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
The thing to remember is that our tolerance keeps increasing and 1 pill isn;t going to cut it anymore. Not for pain, not for a high, not 2 ward off sickness for long. Where can these pills lead but to a dead end disaster. You need to look in the mirror every day  and be comfortable in your own skin. The sooner you lose the pills, the sooner that will happen. Just have to trust me on this one.
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Avatar universal
Thanks for the support.  I no longer work at the same place, but the people I buy from live minutes away from my house and job.  I just have to keep positive and take it day by day.  I hope it works this time.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
~ I get the mental H*ll part,,the thing is,,and I didnt see this posted is why do you feel the need to take them daily,,besides feeling good and the energy part,,is there some underlying depression or stress or anxiety that maybe you are not coping/dealing with? The thing about these pills is they screw up all those chemicals in your brain,,your brain just quits producing them because it knows the pills will do that. It takes a while for your brain to figure that out. Im at 21 days today and still struggling. Is any aftercare or NA an option,,to help keep you strong? If not,,stay close here there are a lot of others here that will help and pull you thru this. In the beginning the mental is all a game,,you know that. Dont let your gaurd down and everytime a thought pops in your head tell it to F-off. (Thats what I do at least) I say it over and over until it passes. Keep your eye on the prize,,your beautiful wife and family,,having your life back and taking back control over your body and emotions,,having money again. I carry a lil card with me with all the things I want and I look at it several times a day. I know you will do this! Stay close here! I wish you the best-were all in this together!! ~Bkitty
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hi JD

Good luck to you. This is a start coming here. I was so addicted, i thought i'd never get off of the pain killers. I started reading posts here and it really helped me allot! I figured out a plan, and i did it. I can't even believe that ive been clean 2 years. I was healthy too, worked a couple jobs, worked out, but pretty soon those pills robbed me of my life. It's great to be free. After here, i did go to NA and now i go to AA. My life is great, not kidding you.
Best of luck. God Bless you!!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hello everyone!  Well it's day two now.  Last night wasn't bad.  I slept all through the night and woke up this morning feeling pretty good.  Everything was okay until I got to my usual dosing up time.  I struggled so hard not to call.  I even picked up the phone a couple of times but never did.  I'm struggling bad now.  Physically and mentally but I know it will all pass.  I'm not sure if I have any underlying problems that has caused this.  I'm just one of those people that gets addicted to everything I like.  Good or bad.  I wanted to call sooooo bad today but I didn't.  I really have looked forward to getting on this website all day.  You guys are all really awesome and I wish each of you the best.  Let's get our lives back!!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Day 2 is fantastic. Hang in there. It truly will get better.  When i got off the pills i just treated myself as if i had the flu. Not sure if you have to work during this transition or not, but I took 5 days off work, got the gatorade, popcicles, tea, and bananas really helped too, movies, blanket, etc. stuff like that. I felt really alone, so coming here was very helpful. Glad you made the decision to choose life.
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495284 tn?1333894042
COMMUNITY LEADER
Congrats on 2 days clean!!!

Have you given any thought to NA or some other form of recovery care?  Using is just a symptom of what is going on.  Pills give us a false sense of security.  Recovery is a slow process and needs to be.  It takes time to heal our mind and body.  We need to change our playmates and playground.  You hold the key that will unlock these chains~~~sara
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I haven't really given any thought to any meetings or anything.  I've been to AA before around 5 years ago because I was a horrible binge drinker.  The meetings were hard for me to go to due to time issues and I felt like my problems weren't nearly as severe as the other people.  I just told myself then to quit drinking so dam much.  I no longer drink by the way except for a six pack now and then.  Not 19 beers and some cocaine driving around the city at 4 in the morning like I use to 5 years ago.  I've done good today though.  I've turned it down twice when I've gotten the go ahead texts from my usual dealers.  It's still constantly on mind to just go get some "one more time"
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495284 tn?1333894042
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