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Avatar universal

First Time Poster

Hello,

I'm posting this because I'm really sick and tired of being addicted to pain killers.  I've been off and on hydrocodone and oxycodone for about 5 years.  It all started at work with a bunch of guys who always had them.  It was cool at first for us all to pop a few and work and laugh together.  But now, I'm older and married with two kids and this crap is ruining my life.  Before, it never got to the point where I was going thru withdrawals when I wouldn't take them but now I've found a steady supply and I take usually 3 - 6 a day.  And at $6 a piece, it's ruining my life.  I am already broke, heading for divorce, and I'm sure it can only get worse from there.  I won't go to rehab or a doctor, I just have to quit.  I have before for a few weeks and then somehow, like a *******, wind up back at the guy's house buying more.  I joined this forum for a little support.

Thanks
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Avatar universal
Hey all My name is Kevin deLune I am 25. I have been strugging for a year on and off of RX pain killer (vicodin Mostly) Been hard but going to counsiling(It was on my own will to go for my wife and son 1 1/2 years old) and just trying to keep it one day at a time. The funny thing is im a massage therapist "getting people out of pain the best way I can" is my motto and yet I go to the pain killers. anyway hope all is well and look foreward to talking to you all more.
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Avatar universal
I know your still hanging in there and feeling more whole each day. Sending you some encouragement for the weekend. One foot in front of the other, days will soon be weeks. You've made amazing progress from a week ago. Stay guarded and active as much as you can. KEEP IT UP!
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Avatar universal
BAHAHAHA...You made me giggle! Keep it up!
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Thanks for your positive thoughts and wishes!  And for the Hug!  I have quit before more or less, really involuntary - I couldn't score before vacation, he would run out for a week or so, etc...but I've never just kept living my day to day life of work and home and been able to go 7 days without swallowing pills.  I'm already seeing a small difference money wise, and seeing a big difference in the way I feel about myself - which in turn - lets me have a better relationship with my wife.  The only thing I'm hiding from her now is her Christmas presents......and maybe my secret love for Eva Mendes!  HaHa   Hope you are doing well!  Thanks again.
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Avatar universal
Awesome job!  26 days!!! wow.  It seems to get a little easier every day.  BUt just a little easier.  30 days is going to feel great for you.  It seems too, that Karma gets back on your side when you are staying clean.  I know you will make it to 30 days and beyond...It will be great looking back with a clear headed and thinking "What the ?F*ck was I thinking???!!!!

Congrats on 26 though, it's awesome.  Keep on keeping on!
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1895503 tn?1332373374
JD,
You are doing an awesome job l  I have a great feeling that you are going to come through this so well !  Keep your eyes on where you are going Soon the struggle will be a memory you can tap into at will, and use to help others in their times of greatest need.  From your posts, you have a heart for helping and serving others.  God will make it possible for you to encourage so many when they are feeling hope!

Big Hug. I am here for you.
Marie
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Avatar universal
HA! Yes, Christmas is coming, wouldn't you rather buy presents than pills? Seriously, remember with the cravings, it is just your unhealed brain fooling you. You'll never get the high you once had and it will just set you back. I know you realize this. Just helps to be reminded. Wishing you a peaceful day , your doing amazing!
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Avatar universal
Hanging in there JD,,day 26 for me. Looking forward to that 30 milestone this week. Keeping my gaurd up and attending aftercare and NA. Going back to work tomm,,Im a lil nervous I can do it. Hang in there and stay strong!! ~Bkitty
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Avatar universal
Thanks for your support.  This site has been great.  It's nice logging on and several people have sent me best wishes and asking how I am.  How are you BK?  Are you hanging in there?
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Avatar universal
Im so glad to see you hanging in there JD! congrats on 6 days,,I remember when you first posted. Im proud and happy for you. keep that guard up at all times,,there are landmines and boobie traps out there. Best wishes ~Bkitty
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Avatar universal
I'm feeling pretty good today.  I'm still craving a little bit.  No, a lot, but I'm making it through it.  I feel more clear headed.  I'm still scared to death though that I'm gonna relapse and go back to every day usin' and abusin'.  I really think I have beaten it this time.  I know that's shallow to say after only 6 days, but it just feels completely different this time.  And I was only taking 30 - 60 mg hydro a day, so I wasn't just real hard up.  And there were a lot of days in between there when I couldn't get any for days at a time.  I think I'm going to really enjoy this new life.  And I'm gonna need a bigger money clip.  How are you doing selfinduced?
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Avatar universal
HOW are you feelimg?
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Avatar universal
Hey!  The withdrawals can be terrifying.  But the great thing is that they only last for a few days.  You will probably feel terrible the first four or five days but after that it gets way easier physically.  Just dress warm and be prepared to be extremely uncomfortable.  No matter what though, don' t let your mind convince you to get some to make it go away.  If you do that, then what about the next time and the next time.  We can't possibly do this every single day the rest of our lives.  And it is just exhausting to have to think about how you are going to score pills every single day for the next 40 years.  And the guilt....  Just weather the storm.  Tell yourself that you are a strong person and you can do anything you want to do!!  Good luck.
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Avatar universal
I can feel your panic about the withdrawals, I just went thru it. I am on day 5 or 6 ( stopped counting ) and I am doing okay. There is something called the thomas recipe that I did and it helped alot. Just keep reaching out to people on this forum and they will help you thru this just as they did for me. I am praying for you. You might want to start your own thread. Go to the top of the page and click on the POST A QUESTION and you will get more responces. good luck and try not to be too scared. Its hard but you can do it.
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Avatar universal
I no longer want to be taking hydrocodones but the withdrawals scare me to death. I went 3 days without them and it was a total nightmare, diahrea, naseau. I have lost alot of weight in the past 3 years that i have been on these 'devil pills' PLEASE help me. I want my normal life back. I no longer want to keep taking these pills just to avoid the withdrawals, so PLEASE someone give me advice. Im desperate.
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Avatar universal
I've made it through the weekend and pushing through this rainy, depressing Monday.  My friend who started with me the same day ended up buying some today, and it sent me into a tailspin.  It really made me want to get some just knowing that he did.  I refuse to do it anymore though.  I can't wait until all of these cravings go away.  I was thinking earlier that this addiction is like a huge oak tree with a bunch of leaves on it and each leaf is a craving.  Every day I don't use, another leaf withers and falls from that tree.  There is still a million leaves telling me to use, only today there is one less leaf.  I hope that makes sense.  And I know with time that all of those leaves will fall and that tree will die and rot away.  I hope everyone else is doing well and fighting the good fight.  Please keep posting.  Thanks
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Avatar universal
I hope ur still doing well... It sounds like u are- depression is definately a part of it- it's been the hardest part for me but you've already began doing what everyone says helps the most and that's exercising. Apparently it helps to release endorphins in your brain that make you feel happier- I also read a study that said smiling (even if u don't feel like smiling) helps to release "feel good chemicals" I no it sounds silly but I tried it just for one day and I think I already feel better :) While in rehab they asked me daily about the using dreams and my husband said he had em- he said he'd wake up in sweats thinking he had relapsed... So apparently that's just part of the process and will eventually pass.
I don't know if this will be helpful or if it'll even makes any sense at all but my husband also said it helps him to think of the pills more like a person and his addiction like a bad relationship in which he was loyal and faithful to them and they didn't care- they took all his money and everything he loves even down to his looks and now he's mad he says all he has to do is remind himself of that and he finds strength...
Speaking of appetites I found mine yesterday :) so I know u'll find urs soon...
Stay positive remember whatever happens today it is going to be ok
You should be extremely proud of yourself
Keep on keeping on!!  
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Avatar universal
Thats great to hear. I know what you mean about the mental battle of this nonsense. Someone once told me there is always a monkey on your shoulder doing pushups and waiting for a weak moment to lunge. I didn't get it....Now I do. Try not to think of the forever part just yet. Keep saying, just for TODAY I won't use. Take a walk when your craving. Have a friend drop you a few miles from home and force yourself to walk back, days will turn into weeks before you know it. Keep up the good fight. xx
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Hello.  Yes I'm still hanging in there.  Today has been pretty rough mentally.  The physical symptoms are pretty much gone, it's just the cravings and depression part that is rough now.  Any other Saturday I would already be about 6 deep in tabs.  I'm going to keep pushing forward though.  I had nightmares all night last night about taking pills.  It's on my mind but, I'll be fine going without.  I'm keeping a positive attitude and really looking forward to having money again.  I'm also looking forward to gaining back some of the 35 pounds I lost over the last year and a half.  I still have no appetite but it will be better in a few days.  Thanks again everyone for your support.
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Avatar universal
I took B-12, but someone here will have a better answer for you. Protien shakes helped alot, but mostly just time and hot baths for muscle aches and anxiety. Still hanging in there?
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Avatar universal
I have a friend who is in the same exact situation as me, as we have become pill buddies over the last year or so and now we are both broke and realizing we've got a big problem to deal with.  He is 3 days the same as me and he heard about the B vitamins and started taking them about a week ago and before I ever read this today he was telling me to get some that they are really helping him out mentally.  Is it just vitamin B-6 or a B vitamin complex?  As you know, probably like most of you, I have very little extra money now and I want to make sure I buy the right thing.  Man, it's going to be an awesome 2012!!
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Avatar universal
Bravo! Your doing amazing. Another day down, tomorrow will be easier. Congratulations on getting your life back. Sending you strength and energy for the next few days. You got this!!!
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Avatar universal
Hey JD.  Congrats on day 3 is it?!

The mental struggle was the toughest part for me as well, and I'm sure many others will say the same.  You seem to have your motivation to keep strong which is obviously a very good thing.  Just remember, later down the line once you DO get through this, and the opportunity arises to possibly take a few again even if its just for fun...remember everything you're going through now and why you stopped in the first place.  For me, simply remembering the unbearable depression and awful mood swings I felt during WD has been more then enough for me to turn down any offerings I've received in the past 2 1/2 months.  

Keep in mind, a lot of the mental aspect along with the physical aspect is chemical as well.  Using supplements like vitamin b-6 and L-tyrosine can help smooth out your brain functions and kick start everything again.  You have to remember, you've abused your body this long, it's going to need a little while to recover - but it will.  Both of those supplements within a week of taking them really helped increase my energy and positive moods and was a huge help in the WD process, especially mentally.  Keep us updated my friend.
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Avatar universal
First off, PRAY. If you don't. Then start, if you do, continue even harder. I am much like you. I have an addiction to hydrocodone. It all started with a ruptured ovarian cysts, polycystic ovaries, and now severe chronic pelvic pain. And endodemetriosis. You must taper off. Reduce your intake. It works. This I know for sure. Its also not a bad idea to seek professional help. You have done well so far, and I hope that you will continue. I think you are almost out of the woods! All the best to you!
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