First time poster

[Banker1256]

I am on day 4 w/ no hydro/oxy or any opiates!!!!! This is my first time I've ever posted here but I have lurked and read your stories for months. They have left me both inspired and scared. I have been using pain pills for at least the past 18 months on a daily basis, unbeknownst to most everyone, including my wife and family. I have been taking 40-90mg per day. On Saturday night I ran out. Sunday I couldn't get any, Monday I couldn't get any. Then I said 'what the hell'. I am now so excited that I cannot contain myself. I have called my like-minded friends and told them not to let me know when any come in. I got one call and passed on them. Sunday and Monday were hell, but I managed to go on with my life. I went to work and took care of my kids. Yesterday was better. I exercised on my lunch hour and took a walk in the afternoon. I caught myself smiling because on that walk I felt totally normal. I'm now going more than 1 minute at a time without thinking about it. I feel blessed because other than some mild anxiety and a slight lack of energy, I feel good. I'm already doing better at my job. Sleep is still tough, but once I get to sleep I'm able to mostly stay asleep. I'm so lucky right now. I haven't been caught, I haven't been fired and I haven't gone bankrupt! Just pray for me to keep fighting the good fight. I am not naive enough to think I've done much of anything yet, but I'm trying!

I have one question - I have an appt to go to a doctor tomorrow to talk about Suboxone therapy? Does it sound like I need it? The physical w/d's are not very bad right now, but being the pillhead I am (lol), I wonder if this will help me long-term with cravings, PAWS, etc. Let me know what you think.

Thank you for allowing me the chance to share my story. I will try to visit more often.

[newgirl2708]

Welcome!!! Congratulations!!!
I am inspired by your story...keep posting.
I say (about the Sub) if it's not broke, don't fix it.
You can always make an appointment later if you start to feel the effects. Just post pone your appointment.
Take Care and good luck!!
Newgirl

[merrymaria]

hi and congrats on day 4    it is day 5 for me and i feel pretty good but not great.  i been a heavy user for 4 years and quit ct on july 5.  day 1, 2 3 were awful for me.  couldnt move eat or sleep and very jumpy.  all i did was lay and cry and ask myself how could i be such an idiot and get myself in this mess.  it is over now, the worse part anyway but i know what you mean with connectios calling you.  just say no   took a 2 week vacation just to dry out from these pills so when i go back to work im ok.  but all my conections are at work so i will have to be strong.  as for subonex i dont know   i heard good and bad about it.  it you made it this far i dont thik youll need it.  anyway stay strong and this forum is so good so keep posting and please write back to me   maria

[kim715]

Welcome and CONGRATULATIONS you're doing AWSOME!!!!!!!!!!!   My opinion is keep doing what you're doing` and cancel the sub appointment.I've never taken the sub. I made the unfortunate mistake of going the methodone route to get off the pills,BIG mistake.It sounds like you have a terrific plan and that so far what you're doing is working.You also sound like you have alot of determination and willpower.You took the steps to cut off your supply and you even turned away someone who offered them to you.Considering you did this while still feeling the w/ds I would say that your desire to get clean has surpassed your desire to use.Keep doing what you're doing my friend it's working.Keep posting..Peace

[sassycajun]

First of all, let me say CONGRATS and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and hopefully, you will stay on the right track.  I do not do drugs, nor ever have, but my b/f of 3 yrs. is addicted to Oxy and can't seem to do what you are managing to do.  He did try try the Suboxone route last and weaned himself off of those after he felt strong enough in order not to become addicted to another drug.  Evidently, he has relapsed once again.  Stay strong and think of your family.  You are very lucky to have kept this hidden secret and those drugs will eventually cause trouble which you seem evidently well aware of.  Good luck and take care of yourself.

[Banker1256]

Thanks all. When you're keeping a secret like this it is a wonderful release to be able to come out here, even for a minute.

A little more - I'm laying low on the caffeine, just one cup of coffee (I've cut out the energy drinks I used to use in tandem with those little devils), drinking a lot of water, taking some of the aminos from the Thomas Recipe. Since my appetite has been nil, I've eaten some bananas and I'm drinking at least one Naked Brand Protein smoothie to try to keep nourished. So many people say 'how do you stay so thin?'. If they only knew!! LOL.

Thanks for the advice on the sub. I'm thinking about delaying it because I don't want to replace one with the other. I want to be done w/ opiates!! I think I need a good shrink.

[sassycajun]

Can you tell me what the energy drinks were doing for you?  I thought once you got off of the drugs, the energy drinks would help.  But I do think my b/f is abusing again and lately he has been drinking energy drinks like water.

[desperate1111]

banker you are doing great. you have the attitude it takes to quit. i'm proud of you.

[Banker1256]

Sassy, I honestly don't know what they were doing. This was just one of my 'triggers'; one time I took some pills in the morning and washed it down with a Full Throttle or Red Bull and it kicked it up a notch, at least in my mind. And eventually the lack of true rem sleep from this abuse just made me so tired, I guess I thought i needed them to keep going. Anything for a buzz!

I hope that everything works out for you and your b/f.

[bandnmom]

good for you! you sound like you are doing so great and you are staying positve. that is very important. keep up the good work and stick around. keep us posted and you being so positve im sure will help many others.

[avisg]

It sounds like you are doing great just the way you are doing it .Continue to post there is tons of support here there are going to be some days that are  harder then others it helps to talk to others that understand :)

[Banker1256]

Made it to day 5. I jumped another hurdle too. I was at a place last night visiting some people who I often 'borrow' pills from. They have chronic pain, they're old, and they each have huge bottles of 7.5mg hydros. It's always been so easy for me to grab a handful, which has been a weekly occurrance. I stared at them briefly, then turned tail and started doing something else.

It was at the end of a pretty good day, but now I realize that I'm a 39-year old man with a sore back and neck! I chase young kids around and in the beginning those pills really gave me the energy and attitude to take care of them. That's a horrible way to be a parent. I tell you, I really wanted at least one but it was never even in my mind to take it. To HE## with these pills!!!

I slept better than any time since I've been off last night. Still woke up a lot, had weird dreams. But I can consider it sleep.

[desperate1111]

you're doing great. i can tell you really want this.