Four months off struggling but doing it, but husband is back on.

Question

Don't let anyone say it is easy because it is not but well worth it. I believe I can stay away from these things I did take any form of opiate for 6 years I could get my hands on. This is my first post but I have been reading for around 6 months or so completely clean of opiates for 4. The ones suffering with depression needs to read about PAWS because this is a legitimate condition after the initial withdrawals. I sure am suffering with it but the happiness now comes in bits and pieces but so well worth it. My biggest problem right now is of course the depression but I am dealing with that day by day as well as praying. But my hubby and I was both addicted we got off together but he has since been using again on and off. It makes me so mad, makes me want to sometimes, but mostly just makes me mad he would do this. We have been married 20 years and I am not sure after all we been through if I can weather this storm. Any suggestions towards having a mate when you are an addict and he is using again. I sure could use some words of wisdom because all I feel right now is anger, weak, we have been through so much together but I don't feel I can accept this one. Even though I have vowed to not make any rash decisions for a year have 8 more months to go.

jifmoc · Accepted Answer

Btw, I walked into AA over one year ago because there were so many meetings and I was beyond desperate. Turns out, that just about everyone in there abused drugs too. I found out it's ALL the same. We just choose something to check out, doesn't matter what it is. Best thing I ever did.

opiatescantwin · Answer

A opiate addict does not ever leave them laying around..

opiatescantwin · Answer

Oh they are locked up believe me just the knowing is the worst battle.

opiatescantwin · Answer

I looked up a N/A meeting first one tomorrow night that is not AA and not across from my house ;) I am going  even if it kills me.

opiatescantwin · Answer

new battle it certainly is as I always shared the addiction active..

opiatescantwin · Answer

Also my job I wish I could say it is me or the dope but the job we share there is no way built a business all my eggs are in one basket sort of speak. Sad but true thing..

opiatescantwin · Answer

Thanks all still hanging in there and staying sober. This meeting thing yeppers I need to the worst part there is AA right across the street that meet. I abused alcohol a long time ago as well. Thanks for the replies like the saying goes you never know what you might say that gets someone over that hump, or just better for the day. Thanks
He is definitely doing his thing as vigorous as I am trying to do mine evenings are worse he has had a belly full by then I have stated my discontentment, dislike etc. It falls on deaf ears. I will stick around, I will try to get myself into a program, and for the moment I am clean. Thank God.

Jerry198 · Answer

just think of the hell you both went through to get clean YOU are the only one that can stay clean you have to know that if someone wants to take pills they will.... Life is a hard game and we have to make choices that HURT real bad from time to time but a 49 your at halftime with two more quarters left you can do them sober and happy or?? the choice is yours and you know the answer huh I would do anything to help my lady but if she started getting high around me things would need to change best of luck in your new battle.

gnarly_1 · Answer

Hi....well your hubby needs to respect you by staying clean when he is around you  the big goal is him getting clean  but it is not fair to you to have to watch him wile he is high.... being married to a addict is a tuff one  I highly recamnd getting involved with aftercare  it is a critical part of your recovery  for me N/A has been the magic bullet  the meetings will give you some place to share with people that understand it will also give you the support you desperately need.... you cant fix your hubby  but you can work on you  if I where you I would tell the hubby  it is me or the dope  it is harsh  but so is living with a addict in active addiction  keep posting for support  your off to a great start  get pluged into a progam and work it  if N/A will work for a old dope fiend like me it will work for anyone.....Gnarly

againnot · Answer

Can you ask your husband to lock up his drugs?

jifmoc · Answer

Hi, sweetie. I just came back from a meeting myself, which totally changed my perspective. If you were in a program, you would have 20 people to call and support you right now. You could go out and have coffee w/ peeps that understand. I don't know where you live but here in LA there are midnite meetings. 

You are not weak, you are an addict. Having someone high on the same substance as you is a very very dangerous place for you to be. I'll repeat my advice: go to a meeting immediately. If it's too late where you live go tomorrow. There are no excuses. None. 

For tonight, I would get out of the house. Take your computer and go somewhere safe (coffee shop, sober pal.)

I think this is a great wake up call.

opiatescantwin · Answer

Lord help me tonight as I had what I really thought aha moment after 4 months and one week of being opiate free after 6 years taking as many I could get and take. Me and husband he is back on and high as a kite tonight and it just still making me madder than madder can be. I was good throughout the day until watched him tonight being high. I want a new life I am 49 and don't need this mess of addiction for the rest of my life. Lord give me strength to deal with my own addiction with having to put up with him taking them again after we got clean as much as we went through with them I just am not sure can deal with him. I hate feeling weak now he is making me so weak at times its just not fair! Hard enough to do it but to have to watch it in your home home is just not fair at all!!!

opiatescantwin · Answer

Will do..

jifmoc · Answer

You are so welcome! Keep posting and getting encouragement (can never have too much support, right?) Let us know how it goes.

opiatescantwin · Answer

So true I do need to dive into it and just think of my own desire to stay sober. I do appreciate a reply and I do very much believe in the programs I do also need to look into getting myself into one. My line of work I have not sought it out again due to various reason but I need to. Because yes if I dive into the way I did doing them, finding, thinking of them, my sobriety would be the most important thing in my life.. I alienated myself during the years of practicing I really have no one to confide in feels good to have somewhere an outlet to come to and talk as well as be understood! Again Thanks..

jifmoc · Answer

Hi and welcome. Well, you know as an addict, that the only thing that can get an addict clean is his own desire. There is nothing you can do. The thing you can do is STAY clean and focus on yourself. I'm sure it's very difficult, but as they say in the program, more will be revealed.

I hope you are in a program for your own addiction. Congrats on your 4 months. You need support all around. I know people that go to AA/ NA and alanon. Sounds like you are in the position. I recommend diving head first into this w/ as much ferocity as you did w/ getting drugs while you were using. The more you put into your sobriety and sanity, the more you will get out of it.