From the Norco 10/325 diaries...

[therealmattj]

I have been on the site for a few years now, some of you know me and some don't, long story summed up, I had a severe opiate addiction for 5 years, was taking 50 pills a day before rehab. Looking back at the whole experience, I have a story to share that possibly can help those who just kicked or are 3 to 5 days clean. It goes something like this, A few years back I had told my girlfriend at the time when we lived together that I swore that I would get clean. I had all the symptoms of an opiate addict, I isolated my friends and family, I lied, cheated, did anything I can to keep from withdrawls and I was at a point the only time I left the apartment was to get pills. So I swore up and down that I would stop and I even showed her the cabinet where I kept my pills and she saw that I had cleaned it out and it was no looking back. Of course we all know that a hiding place for them came to birth lol. So one evening she caught on to me that I kept going into the kitchen every other hour for no reason (obviously to get my pills in my new hiding place).. so she sneaked in on me just as I shut the cabinet door and said "what are you doing"?.. Note that to her I had been clean for a "week".. I replied "nothing, just checking to see our condiment situation cause I feel like cooking".. ( I know I could of done better with the lie but when you are opiate the F*ck up do you really care anymore).. So she went storming into the cabinet until she came across a  CVS pharmacy cap to a pill bottle and said "what the hell is this, we both cleaned out these cupboards a week ago"! As she continued to search, I started praying please lord do not find it, please I beg you. The sick thing is I didn't even care about my "word" or if she would be disappointed, all I cared about was what she will do with the Norco's when and if she finds them. Sure enough there is the bottle of pills in her hands. I am staring at the bottle as she is screaming at me and hitting me and then she walks out to our balcony on our third floor apartment and in slow motion throws the pill bottle way up in the air as I watch them land on the roof of a building next to our apartment. I played it off as if I didnt care and that I had gotten a bottle from a friend and I was only gonna take a few in case of anxiety and that its so hard to get off and blah blah blah blah.. I had no way of getting pills for another 6 days and knew it was Thomas recipe time and bananas lol.. I am sure she was suspicious when the next day I suddenly got the flu :(... So an entire 2 days go by and I am in deep withdrawl at this point and there is something about me that for some reason I need to be the one to stop on my own time ya know, ween down a little, just the thought of abruptly stopping without planning it makes me sick to this day. So weekend over and off to work she goes, and off to the balcony I go because as I was laying in bed for 2 days I kept thinking the wind was gonna blow the pill bottle off the balcony and I would be saaaved. So I am standing on the balcony and I can see the bottle filled with delicious yellow pills on top of the roof next door. As soon as I saw that bottle it was OVER... I AM GETTING THAT BOTTLE AND I AM RELAPSING AND NOTHING IS GOING TO STOP ME!!.. First step, I went next door to see if the building has access to the there own roof.. DENIED.. I went back up to my balcony and came up with another plan. I was going to somehow tie bed sheets together or some rope somehow connect with the bottle and fling it back down to ground to pick it up. Its about 20 feet away from me, and I am gonna need about four bed sheets, a few hangers and the mop in my kitchen. Everything is set into place a booom there goes flying my little production however the bed sheets tied up are giving slack and I realize that this method can not be done.. light bulb goes off and so I call the landloard to borrow an extension chord. 10 minutes later goes flying an extension chord with a mop tied to the end of it but the extension chord is to short.. at this second I started to accept defeat, but when the addiction takes over you, there is nothing to stop you from getting what you want except jail or death. My last and final plan is to go down to my pool and steal both metal poles that rake out the leaves come upstairs and duck tape a bunch of hangers to them and that is just what I did. Sweaty as hell, and detoxing I finally put together my finished product and it was launch time.. I felt like the kids in the movie "Sandlot" when they tried all of those things to get the ball back from the neighbors dog lol.. I am all stretched out over my balcony practically hanging from my death and the tool connected to the pill bottle as I abruptly slid it back as falls onto the first floor balcony of someone I do not know. So I am rushing downstairs in sweat, I get outside and climb up the balcony of the first floor (thank god nobody was home) and retrieved the bottle at last.. The entire point of this story and reason I am boring and sharing this with you is that from that experience alone I know now that it is a fact that we can do,get, and have whatever we want!! All of that energy and inspiration to get the pill bottle can be transfered into the real world.. I want lots of money. I want a perfect body. I want to do good. I channel that energy of the addict I once was and turn it into a positive addiction. For those of you who are day 3 of detox and are uncertain if you should relapse or do what has been on your mind for years and that is to get clean, please I beg you do it. You will understand when the pain leaves you that we are all addicts and forever we will be addicts and WE ARE GOOD at being addicts, so just trade in your addiction for a better one. Get clean, get your family back in your life, get rich, get humble. I believe we have a gift, not only is our character built stronger by this addiction but a fire can be reborn when we are clean and nothing can stop that or take that away from us. I hope this story helps you in any way possible, just remember we are addicts for life so we might as well be good at it and make our addiction a positive one. I am addicted to helping others. Life is waiting for you, use the tools you have learned in this addiction, much love and respect to you all.

[Innerstrength67]

Awesome story!!! Thank you. I know addiction is nothing to laugh about but your story made me laugh because it's truly amazing how creative we can be when it comes to getting our pills. WOW!
Thank you!

[Jo_4451]

Wow what a great story and way to pay it forward. I totally get your point about us all being addicts and putting that energy into something positive. I am using the energy I use to have to build a business and it's working well so far! Love your thoughts and positive attitude. God bless

[vicki595]

Oh Matt!  We can all relate to THAT comedy!!  The things we did...

It's a great point you make: Channel the energy!  A long time ago, my Dad said to me: "The only way to break an old habit is to get a new one".  That was his relationship advice to me!  But,there is applied wisdom there...and that is: get a new habit (addiction) and it doesn't HAVE to be a bad one!!

It's good to hear from you and I love that you're doing well!  Great story!!  Hysterical!!!

[Bubulous]

What a story.  You know I am going to try to draw a couple of scenes from that.  I liked the lie and I have come up with similar ones.  One time I had them in my pocket sitting on the couch getting ready to go to work and they fell out.  I didn't realize they were not in my pocket till I went to work but my wife realized it shortly after I walked out the door.  That was about the 10th time I told her I quit.  Also I became an engineer one day taking apart my console to retrieve that last one that fell down there a week before.  It was nasty and squishy because it sit in there so long.  Did I take it anyway.....What do you think?  

I have pretended to flush them.  I have hid them inside the house, outside the house and everywhere in between  : )

Now I draw do Yoga and yesterday I picked up a small cabinet from a house that burnt next to where I live now.  I sanded it and painted it with all the concentration I used to use in finding my next fix.

Great story buddy, good to get inspiration from you again.

[littlebit010101]

Thank u so much for this post I love it....wow what a way to look at this....I have been on oxycontin for bout 8 years....I have many problems with my spinal cord....and fixing to have to go back to Mayo and let them put a Shunt in to keep the pressure lower in my brain.....but yes I have severe pain but I took myself off them against my drs orders.....but I was tired of the rat race with getting my scripts...but my question is this when I have the surgery again I will two months under my belt....so if I tell them after the surgery I don't want NARCS I want something for the pain but not narcotics... Do I have that right to tell them that?....thanks again for ur post much needed....

[dominosarah]

Nice to hear from you again!  Hope you stick around.  You sound really good and positive~~sara

[MrNewHope]

So I was told to go out and help someone in the forums today but I ended up here instead... and fascinated by your post.  I can definately see where you're going with this.  It's almost as if you've described the state I'm currently in as I've been off opiates for a while now.

There are some who would disagree with the fact of trading one addiction for another but of course they're referring to substance abuse.  I think addiction comes in different extremities and can be applied to literally anything.  Addiction really isn't a bad word and what I got from your post is that we don't necessarily need to see this word "addiction" as this so-called disease... but more like a concept.  So applying this concept into something more productive, practical, and positive, would do us alot more good then just surrendering to the fact that we're simply addicted :)