Getting off pills

[Jeannie1982]

So, I've been on vicodin since last November from a back injury. I started abusing them in about January. I confided in my husband and gave all the pills to him so that he had control of when I took them. In a desperate state, I turned online to look for more. I found roxies. Lord, I wish I wouldn't have found them. I had ordered some hydros from a source someone recommended to me. I decided to try the roxies- they are the ONLY thing that have alleviated the back pain. But now I've been reading so much about how addictive they are and how bad withdrawals are. I ordered 20, accidentally dropped two down the drain, and have four left. I will not order anymore- these withdrawal stories have me scared out of my mind.

My question is this: if I am withdrawing from roxies, will taking my regular doses of vicodin help the pain? My doctor knows that I feel my body (and mind) is dependent on hydro and we discussed that once the back pain is figured out (hopefully soon) that I will wean off of them instead of going cold turkey. I have felt confident that I will be able to get off the hydro- I have done it before. And now I have a son, so I have even more reason to get off. (I'm not saying it will be easy- it never is) I have not abused it in two months- only taken as prescribed when the pain is bad. But it's the roxy that I'm worried about. Will I able to get off them without getting too sick? I can't miss more work. Like I said, I had 18, down to four. I have had them for less than two weeks. I am HOPING that since I have only been on them for maybe 8-9 days that the withdrawal will be tolerable??? Any input would be appreciated.

Thanks.

[IwillDoThis]

Jeannie - I just wanted to say hi and welcome.  I feel your pain both figuratively and literally.  I was in pain management and became physically dependent on Hydros - I didn't abuse them to take more than I was supposse to but I suppose that was just a matter of time as they did give me energy, I did have that great feeling when I took them but in the end they were not helping my pain - I kept taking them knowing I would have to pay the piper to get off.

Here is the thing - you may not have as much pain as you think you will once you get off.  Initially when I stopped I didn't have anywhere near the pain I thought I would have - now the last two weeks have been hard for me but I do feel better today.  I'm 40 days off hydro.  In life there will always be pain and at least for me, personally, I would rather live with the pain than in a stranglehold with pills.

I am concerned about you switching one opiate for another - really what is the difference?  If you are withdrawing from roxies and you take a vic - then you won't REALLY be withdrawing anymore because you took an opiate.  You are just prolonging the pain and misery of detox.  The only way through opiate addiction is to just bite the bullet and endure it.

I think you must really be super honest with yourself, can you continue treatment and not be tricky with it (i.e. hiding, stockpiling, lying) it sounds like the answer is - no.  So if the answer is no then you have a really big decision to make, will you get out now or will you get in deeper only to have to tackle this monkey in the future?

I hope you choose now because you are so worth it.  You have a great supportive partner it sounds like which will help you.

Good luck Jeannie - I wish you the best.

  

[Jeannie1982]

...I just went back and read my first post and my latest post. In the first post I lied about abusing- or lack of abusing, rather. How bad is that? I said I hadn't abused for two months, but like I said in the last posts, I would sometimes stash away ones my husband gave me until I had enough to get high. It makes me so sad and angry that I cannot even tell the truth to people who I don't know, who I won't even ever see. Obviously I have a problem. I will make an effort to come back more often. That's not a lie. I want to read others stories and everything, but right now it feels overwhelming. I feel selfish just posting for help and not offering anything in return. I hope in the (near) future I can provide support and not just take it.

[Jeannie1982]

Yeah, I just want them out of my life period. The problem is that I can't take NSAIDs so my only OTC option is Tylenol which does nothing for me. I have been through physical therapy, I do all kinds of stretches and exercises but I've gotten no relief. I have also tried all the pain creams, including two that had NSAIDs in them, but they did nothing either.

Honestly, since yesterday, I have been feeling really strong about being able to use them only when I absolutely need them (like I can't stand without them kind of thing). How do I hold on to this hope, how do I stay strong? I haven't abused them all weekend and I feel great. But I still feel like they need to be out of my life because if I have a bad day I know I'll want a fix. Like I said before I had my husband hold onto them for me--- but even when he did that I would sometimes take them and stash them until I had enough to feel a high. So today I told my husband that I had been doing that and I asked him to watch me take them when he gives them to me. He is the greatest guy- he is so good to me and will do whatever it takes to help me.

I honestly don't know how I'll handle the back pain without the meds, so if I do need to be on them until we figure out what's going on (MRI results next week), I at least my husband aware and wiling to be the keeper of the pills, so to speak.

I guess I haven't been back here in a few days because I'm still scared to acknowledge that I have this problem. Let me warm up because I can really use and I appreciate your help and support.  Thanks for listening,

[3rddayoff]

It really seems like you want to forget about painkillers altogether. Addiction is tricky and just when you think your winning...think again, especially if your gonna give up 1 pill for another. It s like buying extra light cigarettes in an effort to quitting smoking. It just leads to smoking more x light cigs to make up for the lack of nicotine. You need to get off pain pills and seek alternate meds (non narcotic). Can you re post and see how you are doing today...it has been 4 days now and would like to know where you stand..Cheers

[lulu747]

Hi there and Welcome...
The thing about the opiate detox is, you have to go through it in one way or another in order to reclaim your life.  We can't give taper advice as it's against MH policy, but there are many on here that have tapered successfully.  It is a mental game more than anything else.  With tapering you feel crappy every day for awhile, with Cold turkey you feel awful for a few days and then it's dealing with the mental.  Either way, the most important thing is your desire to be well, to LIVE.  Your doctor can prescribe non-addictive medications to help with w/d. We can suggest natural remedies and Vitamins that ease the pain.   You will feel sick...No way to sugar coat it.  But if you surrender to the process, and know that the fear is worst than the process itself, it is doable.  You have to really want it.  Know that you are worth it, your life is worth it.  Keep posting.

Sending support..
Lu