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464044 tn?1343702043

Gonna snap!!!

So I just got off the phone with my ex, the one who gives me my pills. I told him that I'd made it thru the last two days on only one pill.You would think that he would be happy, but no, he says "well it doesnt matter cuz the pills are the least of your problems" I was so mad. I am really trying here. He was so sure I was gonna go out last nite and party. But I didnt, I stayed in. And yeah, Im still doing coke but half what I was before trying to quit, and less than half the pills. I know Its only been three days, but I am really serious about this. I tried to explain why its so hard. But he's a burn victim and got off morphine while he was in the hospital. He thinks he's had it worse than anybody. I think that it must have been easier for him cuz he was forced and in the hospital for a long time, like years. They had to help him. Im doing this on my own and at my own free will. Sometimes cant even see the point. Plus he doesnt have the emotional issues that I have. I am so mad at him. Besides you guys, he is like my only support system. How do I make him understand how his 'I told u so's' and negativity make me feel. I am so mad right now. Wanna take a pill. somebody please talk to me.
13 Responses
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464054 tn?1223823033
Dont do it PLEASE.  Think about your future and where you want to get to.  Be positive and be strong
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Just remember you are important and can choose to do what is right for you...
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
down EVERYONE is different, and he obviously does not get it. Why waste your time trying to make and elephant a zebra? Seek out compassionate, understanding people. He is only making you feel worse.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
mornin hun,
i'm sorry your having problems...i am also sorry to say he really doesnt seem too supportive of you at all...he should be praising you, he should understand having been there done that regardless of how he did it.  i wish you had a better support system in place...this is the time you need it most.
do you have any family or friends that you could talk to with better results?  if not maybe you should seek some therapy...even just going once a week really does help...i go to one on one therapy every week, and even though i dont see much progress long term yet, it at least gives me a place to talk freely and openly without judgement and i get the support...just a thought.
but i personally think you have done great...you cut the pills back to just about nothing.  i wish you would just stop with the coke hun, and i'm sorry i am of no help with that, but i  just know you have to stop and gain control back of your life.  only postive things can come from stopping and gaining control again.
you arent trying to do both at the same time are you? that would be a lot on your plate hun...too much, take one thing at a time-one day at a time...i would hate to see you get too overwhelmed with it all...
Helpful - 0
464044 tn?1343702043
Thanks everyone. I did not take the pill. I am trying to be strong. Yeah he's a jerk. As far as family, Im scared to talk to them. They'd all have too much to say. Scared of NA because I have a daycare license and may want to open again someday. I do go to therapy, twice a month with a social worker and once a month to a psych. My insurance sucks, and I have the ONLY therapists who will take it. Im hangin in there though. Going shopping soon. Maybe that will help. Gonna leave the drugs at home.
Helpful - 0
437415 tn?1211829556
Shopping always helps me!  Seriously though, stay busy and keep your mind occupied in other directions.  It really hurts us when someone we care about and of whose opinion is important to us lets us down.  It would anyone, but I think as addicts we are more sensitive, and we take it harder.  He might be like the drugs, something you need out of your life.  Hang in there and show everyone you mean business!

in my prayers,
Lisa
Helpful - 0
454371 tn?1221297385
I am sorry you are going thru this..
My ex was a butt to. never anything good to say. Always have to point out the bad stuff. instead of good for you baby.. I think they get off on being us down. I think it is some kind of control thing for them.. who the heck knows...
But we are here for you.. And will give you as much support as we can. wait2long had a good point.  Therapy can be really good. Before I lost my insurance. I use to go 2 or 3 times a month. It really helped. and I do miss not going. Maybe you should try it... It can't hurt. And It might take awhile to find someone you like and feel you can trust..
  Good luck hun, And know we are here for you...
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
listen you know we have talked about the coke issue. coke you need to stop c/t. there are no physical w/d's from coke other than the sweats, depression and anger. i am telling you this now because i care ok. not meant harsh at all so please listen.

if you want to get clean, you have to stop making excuses, it starts with you. i blamed everyone and i mean everyone, but once i started to realize nothing would change until i changed it, could i make it work. you have used coke you said for 3 months now, stop before you can't get out, please please trust me. it will kill you or make you want to kill yourself. coming off coke is more than depression, IT"S HELL and it will only get worse. please get some help, before it's too late. we are all in your corner and cheering you on, but it's you and only you that can do this. please get off the coke.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
This addiction thing I don't expect anyone who has not been in my shoes to understand at all. All I can say is it is killing me and everything important to me so I want to kick it so far from me it is unbelievable. I was thinking last night that it has been my lover, best friend, my way out of all then it turned on me and is biting me in the ***. I am the one who has got to quit not anyone else, nobody forced me to abuse the dope I did it and I am the one who has to deal with it and I am choosing cold turkey as I feel this is my only way to quit complete abstinence from it.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hang in there and good luck
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
you know, it seems like it's easier for the guys to quit stuff. like smoking even. maybe our bodies, make up is different somehow and it's harder for girls. but non the less, you are doing a great job and don't let him get you down. he's relating to you like another guy instead of a girl. because they react differently.
Helpful - 0
464044 tn?1343702043
Thanks everybody, and Gizzy, I hear you, and Im trying. But ct, it seems so hard. Im about to run out though, so all I have to do is net buy anymore. Im goin shopping, so Ill spend my money on clothes instead. Ttyl everybody. And thak you all for being there
Helpful - 0
228936 tn?1249094248
Sorry to say but it's no big deal that you are only taking a pill once in a while when you are taking coke. You have to either stop drugs or not. all the best
Helpful - 0
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