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Avatar universal

Good Freaking Lord

So have ya missed me? Yeah, I relapsed...I called the dr, got another script but of 500mg 4x a day. Took the bottle of 90 in two weeks and now I am out. But that a hole gave me 5 refills...why does he do that to me! But regardless, I haven't had any in 4 days. No WD because I have been taking 5mg of Valium about two to three times a day. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. I was going so strong...I went 15 days without any pills...which was the longest I have gone in YEARS then this. I am so pissed off at myself. Lets just hope this time around I can honestly kick the habit. I think that these narcotic pain killers should be taken off the market because we are all getting screwed here...
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Avatar universal
You can do it just put you mind to the fact that you want to quit. 15 days was good and you can get further. And this board has many people to help you along the way.

Janet
Helpful - 0
1047946 tn?1332608029
You have to fess up to your doctor. I went on for years taking them and never did tell my doctor. I even had almost a year clean time once. But, I knew all it took was a visit to my doctor and off I would go to the pharmacy. Until you get honest with your doctor your chance of relapse is high and being an addict will more than likely happen. If you tell him/her so much of the temptation will be gone. You have to cut off all ties with the pills including legal sources and also illegal sources including friends. If there is an easy way to get pills almost any addict will continue using. I was told this many times but thought I could do it on my own without having to tell my doctor. I finally realized my way wasn't working. People recommend things for a reason. They have been there and experienced it before me.
So trust me, set up an appointment with your doctor and fill him in. He will then be able to prescribe some things to help such as clonodine.
You will make it once you take the proper steps. I know it can be difficult and sometimes embarrassing but if you truly want to get and stay clean, let him know you have a problem.
Best of luck.

Brian
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thank you Brian,

My only problem is...I did/do not take them for the euphoria feeling most get, I actually have a medical issue where I need them. I have the worst back in the world. Like this morning, I cannot even get out of bed because my back hurts so bad. I have tried all non-narcotic meds on the shelf and meds that are prescribed. I just don't want to be so addicted to vicoden. But it seems to be the only thing that works! I was doing Neurotin for awhile for the pain...it worked but it made my liver enzymes so high that it was in the danger level and I was in the hospital. So its like...I know I cannot live with the pain because I have 3 bulging disks and two dislocated cervical vertebra in my neck from that damn accident. I refuse surgery only because the recovery time is almost three months...well I cant be out of work for three months and take care of a 4 year old...I just cant.

Janet -
Thank you for your kind words. You are truly an inspiration. It just ***** for me because its not like I want to take them...I really dont but holy crap am I in so much pain. Do you know of any non-narcotic pain meds that are not addictive (I have a very addictive personality). Tylonol, Aleve, Asprin, etc does NOT work.
Helpful - 0
617347 tn?1331293081
Hi, do you have somebody to give the pills to you as prescribed by your doctor ?

i understand your reasons but ... how was the pain during these four days ?  people with pain talk about rebound pain soon after wds meaning that  the pain is worse but after some days it gets better.. and they also said that most of them have discovered that the pain they had it was much worse while on narcotics, don't know if it was because of the narcotics or because of our addictive minds making it worse...It seems by your explanations that you are in a no win situation... so surgery would be the best bet here for you, sorry but addiction is always progressive, it won't stop where you are now and maybe it is better a three month break that being fired later because of your addiction or being in a worse situation ....
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hi, I have to tell you this.  And I don't want to sound like a $%*&%, but you can't keep the mentality of, "why did the a hole do that to me?".  Doctors aren't doing this to us.  We are.  I do agree that some docs over prescribe, but we take the pills.  You made that call, right?  He didn't call you and say, "hey, where ya been.  Need some pills?"  It took me a really long time to get that!  I just want to bring it to your attention!

Now, having said that......I know that you may have some really serious pain issues.  Many of us do.  I guess we all have to decide if we want to be tied to a pill bottle or do we want to endure some pain?  I choose to endure the pain....physical or mental.  I just don't ever want to "need" anything again!

I wish you the best.  Give this a chance this time, ok?  You will be so happy that you did!  : )
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
As a former junkie (sorry NAs I'm not still one) 13 years clean and no desire to heroin or any drug again.  I don't even drink.  Yes, I'm proud of myself.

That said, if I had cancer, chronic back pain, etc. I would take drugs rather than feel pain.  It's that toss up, addiction versus chronic pain, and ultimately your choice and in this scenario there is no wrong answer.

Do what is best for your life.  If being an addict is worse than the back pain, then go to a doctor and get on a medical program, I say.  If being in pain hurts worse than the addiction then take the meds the doctor prescribes.

That's my opinion and not medical advice.  Just telling you I don't judge you and no one else should either.
Helpful - 0
495284 tn?1333894042
COMMUNITY LEADER
If you dont get honest with yourself and the doctor this cycle will continue and it will get worse.......sara
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Unlike most of us who did drugs because they felt good and we were selfish...

if YOU truly got on painkillers to kill the pain...don't let anyone judge you.  Pain *****.  There is a valid reason why painkillers existed.  Why should you be in pain?  Because there is a stigma associated with drug use?  Back pain is the worst thing next to labor pains and people take epidurals and drugs for that without feeling guilty.

Be honest with yourself.  Is the pain ruining your life or the drugs?  Then talk to your doctor about the pain versus your fears of addiction then do what is right for you.  I'm anti-drug, Lord knows I am.  I'm also anti-suffering.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Shadow,

I was orig. prescribed the pain killers because I truly needed them for the pain. I have a terrible back...They have been pushing for surgery for years and I just cannot do it with a child. BUT, I am a Fire Fighter/Paramedic and I cannot take them while I am trying to help patients. I usually do not take them while on shift. They do not affect me when I take them, I do not get the euphoria like others, they simply take the pain away but my body has become so addicted to them that WD are a son of a **. There are times when a fire perks up and I have taken the drugs and have gone in for the attack and I do not want to have to mayday myself out because I am on these meds though either. Ugh, its a no win situation for me. But I am on Day 5 or 6 (might be  more, I dont know) and I have been in bed since because the pain is SO bad. I have pain going down both legs and I am afraid that it is going to put me "out of service" (what they call fire fighters that are injured and cannot sufficiently perform the duties of a FF). Ugh, god help me...
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Can I ask why you want off if you were given them for pain?  I understand part of it is your job, but perhaps you can work on the "form" of painkiller (there are liquid ones that are more balancing) with your doctor to get prescribed correctly.

There is going drugs to get high or avoid life (me) and doing them because you have a legitimate injury (you).

I now work with an NGO and I guess my bf being on oxy has spurred me to get online and see what resources were there for him--how I noticed this place.  I got off drugs thanks to methadone and then a total life change.  Every day i am alive is a blessing.
Helpful - 0
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