Grieving- a strong urge to relapse.

[lesson_learned]

I am recovering from an opiate addiction, 97 days clean, I'm grieving the loss of my poor kitty friend of 16 years. She passed away this morning at 6:40am after losing her battle with CRF,rapidly declining the past week. This whole time has been rough but now...well I *want* to relapse.I don't know what is stopping me from bolting out after her burial and getting something to numb this pain,after all that was what my addiction was about pain-physical *and* emotional. How does one cope with such sorrow? I've relied on opiates for so long that I'm at a loss....can't stop crying, just so devastated.

[Ballgame]

Glad to see you are still clean. I remember you posts on wd well. Stay strong!  You're doing great

[lesson_learned]

thanks so much! I may look into another kitty friend. Though I did love her personality, unique meows,and whatnots. I did what I could to be surprise, I have remained clean through this I went to my therapist and spilled it out so to speak. thanks for your support its always been really great here for that. good luck with the suboxone ordeal.

[lesson_learned]

Hey thanks, sharing that with me was moving and it makes me think how strange it is when we just know something is up and decide to see that loved one. I think it is a great idea to dedicate my sobriety to her also to myself but it somehow soothes. 97 days is the hardest thing I've ever done. I had to relocate completely away from my bad environment  literally in the middle of nowhere.

[paying_it_forward]

You poor darling :( i love kitty's they are such beautiful loving creatures and I'm sorry for your loss...i know some people may think ahh its just a cat...but each and every animal and human has a personality of their own. Your kitty is now at rest <3

I know you might want to do something to make you feel anything else other than sad. But you've spent a fantastic amount of time clean. Just stay strong. Your kitty friend wouldn't want you to relapse.

And in time when your ready...if you want to...go buy a little boy burmese kitty...they are the most loving kitties ever. My sister has one. His name is Mr.Shadow and i recently got to babysit him for the weekend :) He was such a comfort to me while I was (and still am) reducing and withdrawing off suboxone. I love him to bits.

Time will heal you and you will find peace.

I'm sending my hugs and comfort vibes from Australia <3

[Toooldforthisstuff]

I know exactly how you feel.  We just had to put our favorite beloved dog Jack down on Monday due to cancer.  I was more upset over losing him than I was when my own father died!  (But then dad was sick for a long while and his death came as a relief)  I cried for 3 days.  Going back to the drugs will NOT make you feel any better, it will only make you feel worse, as you'll have that guilt and remorse to deal with along with your grief.  It's okay to cry and be sad over loss of a long time beloved pet, they are members of our family.  Allow yourself to grieve, it's okay!  (((((((((((((Hugs to you))))))))))))))) and hang in there, soon enough you'll be able to smile at the funny and fond memories...

Christy

[dominosarah]

I am so so sorry to hear about the loss of your kitty.  They are part of the family and their loss is great.  Using is not an option, working thru the grief is.  Pills will only add to your misery right now.  Crying and feeling sad are okay.  These emotions are new to us and are uncomfortable but we do make it thru.  My usage went sky high after my dad passed away and it has always been my biggest regret.  Your kitty knew you were clean and she was proud of you too.  At some point you will be comforted by her memories.  Congrats on 97 days lesson!!  Hugs to you~~~~~sara

[mychalupa]

Can I share something with you???  But please first let me say Congratulations to you for makin it 97 days. I am on day 2 and am struggling to go to the next minute but reading that you made it to day 97 gives me tremendous hope! I thank you for that hope!

I am sorry for the loss of your kitty.I know it couldn't have came at a harder time in life,death of a loved one is never easy.You are clean right now! You are doing soo well I dont even know who you are and I am so proud of you! You make me wano keep going so I can say I have been clean for 97 days. I think staying clean and going through the emotions sober is the right choice. My grandpa has passed away within the last month, I was using at the time still. I didn't deal with his death at all, I filled myself with oxy so I didnt have to hurt. We were so close. I mean he was my world! Him and my grama both, we used to have coffee everyday...i got harder into my addiction and the visits lessened, the daily phone calls lessened and got to the point of nearly no contact. Papa got sick, I didnt get to see him, the day I was going to go see hi he died that early morning.
I am telling you from experience that even if you choose that pill that might help for a few hours you will still go through the emotions sober. I wish I could have said good bye to my grandpa, gave him a kiss and told him I loved him sober. Now I am sober I con't do that, I only can hope in my heart he knows.
Your kitty was very special to you and would want you to grief properly. You are 97 days clean...keep up the great work!!!
Dedicated the reast of your life sober for her, in her memory!

[lostsoul30]

Sorry for your loss sweetie. I just lost my baby boy kitty on Saturday. We had to get him put to sleep he got hit by a car. Please accept my condolences. Stay Strong we BOTH can get thru this!!

[ang_811]

so sorry to hear about ur kitty...but u cant use..be grateful that u can actually feel these emotions..as addicts our first instinct is to get high whenever we feel emotions that we dont like....i understand where ur coming from as i lost a freind only a few weeks into my recovery. my first instinct was to numb the emotions i was feeling at the time.i didnt like them at all. i def wasnt used to having them..what helped me was talking to my counselor during the greiving process and i kept posting on here. it really helped me out alot....the pills will only make everything worst for ya...please hang in there and dont use the pills....keep posting and let us know how ur doing..<3 Angie

[IBKleen]

I am so sorry to hear about your kitty. They are with us such a short time and when they leave it leaves a hole in our hearts. It is okay to be sad and to cry, grieving is a process and it will take time.

Using is not a good idea, but I know you know that. It may numb you for a little bit but after that you will still feel sad, still be crying and you will feel guilty on top of it.

Please hang on and get through this tough day. Remember all the funny times you had with him and try to smile. He will always be a part of you and he will always be in your heart. Just think, he is probably playing right now in Kitty Heaven...it's a great place.

Keep talking and work through the feelings.