Tomorrow is day 1...petrified!!

[DeeDee718]

Well friends, I haven't posted since back in July, but I am on here at least once a day reading. I am following all of your stories. I pull for all of you in detox, I know how hard it is. I feel so bad for the ones who relapse, as I have been there too. I am so thrilled for those of you remaining sober and love seeing your milestones. I will give a quick update as to where I am now in respect to my meds.

Last time I posted, I was taking Percocet AND Norco. I got off the Percocet in August and remained on the Norco. I am taking 10-11 Norco 10/325's daily. Of course the prescription that I get monthly from my Pain Management Dr. that is supposed to last me 4 weeks, lasts just shy of 3 weeks. When I run out early, I will either get them from the friends that I have that take them or, if they are out, I will substitute with an old bottle of Tramadol, which seems to take away all of the WD's. Then my Dr appt. comes and then it starts all over again. I am tired of it.

  I have 2 pills left and will take them when I get up with my coffee and then I am done. I am not going to take anything else to get me through the WD's besides vitamins and supplements. I also have an old bottle of Valium that I have had forever and never take. I will take those only if I have sleeping issues (which I'm sure I will) I already take Gabapentin (Neurontin) for my neuropathy, but I only take 2 at bedtime. I have heard that those can help with WD. I have Epsom salts for hot baths. I have been down this road a few times before, however the first and longest time I was clean, I was in intensive outpt rehab and on Subutex.

  I am so scared to do this, even though I know what to expect. I just can't live on this merry-go-round anymore. My kids deserve better, even though I am a "high functioning" addict. I have been on and off for almost 12 years now, mostly on. I will post to let you all know how I am doing. I draw strength from all of your posts. This is such an amazing group of people. I will really need support. I can't wait to see the world through clean eyes again. Yes, I am going to look into aftercare (NA) and I will be telling my "friends" and my Pain Dr. ay my next appt that I am done. Keep hanging in there all of you and I am praying I will do the same. Much love and strength to you all

[DeeDee718]

So, I fell asleep reading posts on here at 10pm last night, woke up and got into bed at 11 and slept until 7:15am!! I am in shock. I did not take anything to help me sleep. Feel ok so far besides the fast heartbeat, stuffy nose and constant sneezing. Gonna take my 5 year old to see the new SpongeBob movie today. Hopefully all those little kids in there don't get on my nerves LOL!! I will post later on how I am doing :)

[jifmoc]

Deedee! You made me laugh. Yeah, if makes no sense to yawn and have an exploding heart at the same time. Stupid detox symptoms!!! Please be careful w/ the valium, I never had an issue w/ it either, but you know how they all say that we can easily replace one drug for another. I know it can be used for the first few days during acute detox. Just keep posting, girl...no disappearing, kay???

[TS8777]

Hello dee dee. I am on day 22 from detoxing off of pills. Almost all the physical withdrawals are gone, except for sleep is still hard to come by, my energy level is still pretty low, and the anxiety sometimes goes through the roof. On top of all this I am moving in like 2 weeks. I have a one year old and a 2 year old. This has been one of the hardest things I have done, but also one of the best things I have ever done. You can do this!!!!!! You can defeat this demon, chop his head off kill that son of a gun!!!!!!! Don't let him get back up this time. I have tried to quit so many times and have failed every time. Failure is not an option this time. Being an addict makes us do some really stupid things and make some REALLY bad choices. I am praying for you and for all of us to win this war this time!!!!!! YOU CAN DO IT. I have come to realize though that even though you feel like you are going to die while going through withdrawals and lose your mind and end up in a mental ward. Well that is actually the easy part. It's the mental part afterwards. Depression is something else afterwards. We truly have to relearn how to live life without that little pill. Just like a baby learning everything new. We have to learn to enjoy life and the things in life without those pills. I am rooting for you. I am right here with ya.

[DeeDee718]

Well, started to get some WD symptoms about 2pm. The constant yawning and my heart feeling like it was going to beat out of my chest. How is it even possible to be yawning while your hear is beating out of your chest?? Wd's are very strange. I felt a strong urge to run out of my cubicle at work, so I took a Valium. Definitely calmed my symptoms down. Funny how when I took a Valium while on Norco, a half of one knocked me out. Took a whole one and didn't make me sleepy in the slightest. I'm sure tonight will be rough with getting no sleep. Maybe I will be pleasantly surprised and it won't be so bad.

I am so happy I am doing this...I usually dose every 1 1/2-2 hours, so having gone 12 hours is big for me. I know it is not much, but to me, it is an accomplishment :)

[CRSeaside]

Congratulations. It gets easier physically. Then it gets tougher mentally IMO.

[lolaragdoll28]

Hey DeeDee thanks for your kind advice :) xxx

[gnarly_1]

HeY girl  good to see you back  and im happy your going to do the N/A progam  it is singly the only thing that keeps me clean  just try to go into this with a positive attitude  this is 1/3 phyical and 2/3 mental  make sure you dont have and cant get pills ..stock up on gatoraid and when it gets bad remember a hot soak goes a long way in releaving symptoms  rent a bunch of moveis for the long nights and I have said this a million times  ''you just got to be ok without being ok for a wile'' this to shale pass google the meetings now and get to as many as you can  they will understand your detox keep posting for support we all want to see you make it   Gnarly

[DeeDee718]

Good morning all, as they say, this is the first day of the rest of your life. My clean life. Last 2 Norco down the hatch. Not sure how long it will take for the WD's to kick in. As you Hydro addicts know, the first dose in the morning doesn't do much. Since you have been asleep and not dosed for 8 or so hours. Sad fact is I would pop another one about an hour after the first two. No more. Have to start getting ready for work in half an hour, then get my 5 year old up, take him to school, then off to work. Due to the presidents birthdays and school being out, I will be off work after today until Tuesday. Hopefully I will be through the acute stuff by then. I am literally getting butterflies in my stomach typing all of this. I am so scared, but so ready.

  lolaragdoll28, I got on the Subs when I went to outpt rehab in 2007 after a 17 Norco a day habit. They were tabs back then, no strips and I tapered down over 3 months until I was taking a crumb and then stopped. I had no WD at all. At that time Subs saved my life. I did great for awhile besides the occasional script for dental work, kidney stones, etc. With my pregnancy in 2009 I started having debilitating headaches and they gave me Darvocet. It was all downhill from there.

   Jifmoc, I remember how well we connected when I first posted in July. I read all of your posts. I will really need your support and can't wait until I can be where you are one day :)

   Cricket92, your posts are always so supportive and positive! Thank you for your words of encouragement.

    Well, here we go. I will post tonight on how I am feeling. Please all say a little prayer for me. I am going to need it....

[jifmoc]

Hey, Deedee...I remember you!  May I suggest NOT waiting til your next appt to cancel your script. Call you dr tmorrow. Block your "friend's" # tomorrow. And most importantly what Cricket said: don't look into aftercare GET into it. We all have a tendency to put off all the stuff that is difficult.

Stay close to this site:)

[lolaragdoll28]

Hi. May I ask why u stopped the subs? Thinking of u :) xx

[Cricketk92]

Morning and welcome back to the forum!!!  Congrats on your decision to quit!!!  Sounds like you know what to expect and seem to be prepared for the detox!  So tomorrow will be day 1 for you!!!  Hurray!!!  I too was a "high functioning addict"  but that really means nothing as we all have to go through the same thing to get and STAY clean!!!  Sounds like you need to do more than just look into aftercare...you need to GET in to aftercare!!!  It really will be your saving grace!!!  It is the one thing that has kept me going!!  We cant do this alone.....our addict brains will always give us another great reason why we can use just one more time!!!  Keep on posting and let us know how you are getting on!!!  And congrats again on your decision to be FREE!!!!