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Avatar universal

HERE WE GO AGAIN

First, I want to thank all of you in this forum who are here to support addicts.  Also, I commend all of you addicts who choose the right, but difficult route to sobriety.  The only time I've been clean was in July, and that lasted almost a month after a two year addiction to hydrocodone 5/500, about 10 a day.  This doesn't sound bad, until a friend introduced me to 10/365.  I've been taking them ever since.  I would get them off of some shady individuals and when that didn't work, I'd walk into the local Urgent Care clinic and make up a story about a bad back ache.  But I need to quit for good, and I need help.  No one around me understands me and they think its a matter of just saying "no".  Remember THAT one?  The bottom line is that I took my last one this morning and I feel the witdrawal symptoms beginning to come back, and that's what scares me most.  Right now it's just the runny nose and a slight headache.  The worse is yet to come.  As a matter of fact, I'm afraid to go to sleep because I'm not looking forward to tomorrow morning.  To say it plainly.....I'm scared.  But, I don't have a choice.  My wife is 7 months pregnant and I have a 7-year-old boy.  I keep thinking about what kind of role model am I to my son?  Does my future daughter deserve to enter this world and to have an addict for a father?  I'm not looking for pity.  I can blame it on my doctors or my friend, but the bottom line is that I had the option of saying NO,,,,back when it was much easier to do.  But, like many in this forum and around the world, I chose the wrong path, knowing subconsciously that it was the wrong decision.  So I have only myself to blame.  All I'm looking for is for you guys to be with me on this one as I will be on this forum on a daily basis.  If there is anyone thinking about quitting or is in the process of quitting, bare with me.  Lets do this together.  We are better than that.  The first step, I believe, is for us to admit that we are addicts, as bad is that sounds, and to stop pointing fingers.  The second is to take it one day at a time and stay strong and know that the negative thoughts and the pain are just an illusion and will eventually disappear. Feel free to comment as all are welcome.

Sincerely,
Jon
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1141787 tn?1261173079
I am so happy to have read this website today is day 4.  It has been pure hell these past few days.  Sunday night was my last fix and Monday morning was surprisingly good.  However, day 2 was bad.  Very bad!  Cold chills, then Hot chills, then sweeting, then going to the bathroom every other second, head aches, loss of appetite, the flu kicked in, (or symptoms of the flu).  Then came day 3, it was all day 2 but worse.  I was sent home from work, have not slept in 3 days.  Pure hell, but now it is day 4.  Stuffy head and diarreah slowing down, but sinus head ache.  Been living in epson bath the past 2 days, and hating what I call the little devil pill.  Two years with it to function, and now I do not even want to see it.  I think cold turkey has been worth it to grow a hate for this drug.  To tell you the truth, I am not ever going to put myself through this hell again.  The devil is not going to control me anymore.  How many days do I have until I get out of this crappy feeling?  Please keep me motivated!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Just an update to let all of you supporters out there know that I am on day 16 being clean.  I can't say that it feels great, but it isn't bad either.  In other words, I don't have the depression that I did on days 1-3 and the strong craving, but every now and again I think about how I miss that euphoric, careless feeling that I carried around for almost two years.  Coming in for a landing isn't very comfortable, but doable.  And it is worth it.  I don't feel like a slave to this crap anymore, wondering how I'm gonna score the next batch because I'm running out and am starting to panic.  What I'm trying to say is that you have to be VERY strong for the first 3 or 4 days, and it is all downhill from there.  All of you can do it.  If you have a very busy life, do your best to get about 4 days off of work, make some delicious hot soup, rent a whole lot of good DVD's and just chill at home for a few days.  It will help.  Also, talk to a doctor and try to get a script for Chlonidine.  This stuff really works since it takes away the withdrawal symptoms so that you can get some rest.  That was the biggest fear for me....the withdrawals symptoms.  But with the right attitude and a bit of medical assistance, it is VERY, VERY doable.

Good Luck to every one who's trying to kick this habit and thanks to all you good supporters out there.  Stay safe, and have a Happy Holidays.

Jon
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hey gnarly, thanks for the post.  Don't be too hard on yourself.  You were a great father.  Regardless of my addiction, my 7 year old son and I are very close.  Besides, there are many things you can do today with your kids if you feel that you should make up for the lost stuff, although I think you are being way too hard on yourself.  An update on my addiction is that I am 3 days clean.  I was kicking myself all day long in deciding whether or not to go to the Urgent Care clinic and fake a back ache.  The truth is, I DID.  But when I went into the exam room and waited, the doctor came in with a large male nurse, and I knew that something was wrong.  He pulled out a form and explained to me that it was a DEA report containing all my prescription information since day one.  I thought that I was done with and that the police would follow since I was well aware that I was breaking the law.  I broke down and told the doctor everything, the truth, that is.  I told him that I've had 3 sleepless nights and cannot function at home or at work.  I referred me to a specialist and prescribed clonidine to help with the withdrawals.  I took one about a half hour ago and it makes you sleepy, but so calm.  My body isn't jerking around and to be honest, I'm feeling a little happy.  As embarassing as it was, I'm so glad it happened.  I know that I'm done for good.  Just want to let everyone know that there are meds out there that can help with withdrawals, so if that's what you are afraid of, then see a doctor and get something.  Thank you all for your posts and I'll keep updating as well.
Helpful - 0
1124967 tn?1283705847
Thanks for your post.  I am too on day one of no drugs.  My last vicoden was at 9am this morning.  I am really starting to feel it.  I feel horrible.  i have a headache, can't seem to stop coughing for some reason, very tired, and I feel like my blood is boiling...if that makes sense.  I have never been through any type of withdraw in my life.  I am really scared.  I have to take my kid to pre-school tomorrow and she has a follow up dr appt...i am not sure how I will be funtioning tomorrow.  Please keep me in your prayers as I will you.  Now here come my tears.  Did i mention I was very tearful too.  Hang in there!!!  
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
hey dude welcome to the forum threre are lots of people here willing to help you get clean its a great choice your not in that deep yet...I wasted 16 1/2 yr on narcotics
I also have 5 children all but 1 is out of the house...if you ask them they will tell you I
was a good father took them camping, fishing, hunting ext but in the back of my mind I
sometime wounder how much beter of a dad I could have been pill free...the last 6 1/2yr of my addiction was spent on methadone ...many say it leave you functional but after quiting it I find there was still a sorta "fog" that it left you under..also dulls you emotions
your making a great derision both for yourself and your young family...I only wish I
would have woke up earler in my addiction..today I have 44 days clean and all I can tell you is it is so so worth it...I can feel life again..I actually have emotions and
my worst day sober is better then my best day high...just hang in there the physical
part will subside in a few days its the mental side that takes the perseverance
find some aftercare n/a is good as are consolors I dont know if you beleve in god
and im not here to shove him down your throat but I will say he made a big difference in my recovery might be a good time to get to know him.annyway I got to run for now..keep posting  I will pray for you  ....god luck and god bless....Gnarly  
Helpful - 0
222369 tn?1274474635
You're quoting a bit from the 12 step programs (one day at a time, admitting you're an addict)...have you ever tried meetings?
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Good for you. Sounds like you have been down this road before.
As you know w/d's last about 7 to 10 days. It is after that the hard part begins. Aftercare?

Terry
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
You can do it Jon. It will be the best gift you ever give to your wife and child.
I'll pray for you now.  
God you know Jon, help him to break free of this addiction and bless him with peace that surpasses understanding.  In Jesus precious name
Keep posting !!
Helpful - 0
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