Had Enough

[cjoyb4]

This isn't a question, just some comments really. I was here a few months ago when I first realized I had a problem with the pain pills my doctor had prescribed for my back. Back then I was very ashamed that I had lied to him in order to get more drugs when I ran out early. This site helped me get the courage up to tell him, and my husband, what I'd done. Well, my doctor was very understanding, but all he did was lower my drug intake by putting me on the regular hydrocodone instead of Norco. I was supposed to try to taper off, and for awhile I did okay. Then when I was down to taking 4 or 5 pills a day, I just went nuts and started taking more again. Now I'm up to 12 to 13 pills a day which is way too much, especially for the tylenol content. I'm so scared. Since this all happened, my husband has been doling out my pills every day, but I always manage to find his hiding spots. I call for early refills because I'm "going out of town." My doctor is so helpful, he never questions anything! Lately I've been having thoughts of suicide, even though I don't think I'd ever actually go through with it. Before, my husband had a hard time understanding why I couldn't just quit. Well, I've tried, but it's obvious to me I'll never do it without help. I finally broke down tonight and wrote my husband a letter telling him what's been going on with me. I told him I need to get some help (rehab), and now I'm just sitting here at almost 5 AM waiting for him to wake up and be thoroughly disappointed in me. I don't even know if anyone is up reading what I'm writing, but I just had to get some of this off my chest. I can't do this anymore! It's wrecking my life. I hate going to work, I quit going to college to get my teaching degree, I have no desire to do anything and I can't enjoy anything unless I'm high. God, this is so depressing!

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

look up "anhedonia" and see if any of it sounds familiar. and also check out the Amino Acid Protocol and maybe even the Thomas Recipe ........find out what you might need in the way of supp's and amino's.......some amino's work well at giving your body some energy back while others work for depression related stuff. But you can give yor body some more ammunition to use in the fight to make you clean.......good luck!

[cjoyb4]

Wow, thanks for your responses. I didn't really expect to hear from anyone this early. I guess it's later elsewhere. Yeah, I know having support is important. And my husband may be extremely disappointed to find out what I've been doing all this time, but I know he loves me and will stand by me. Thank you so much for the warm welcome back. I'll keep posting this time...

[fengirl09]

First of all let me say welcome to back to the forum. You are exactly where you need to be. You have made the first and most important steps in starting the road back to you life. You first admitted your problem to yourself and you are admitting it to your husband. Neither of which is very easy so you should be very proud. You have one thing that many people here don't and that is atleast one person for support, which is sooo important. No matter what his response is you know what you need to do and you are strong enough to do it. There are sooo many people here for support so keep posting and ask questions if you need to and keep your head up. You are doing the right thing and you will be so happy in few days when things start to get better.

best of luck
fengirl09

[kellster]

well you did the right thing by telling your husband the truth jut pick yourself back up
and try again cut your pills you CAN DO IT yes it is hard but if you want your life back
then you can do it . after you get down to 4 or 5 just stop cold turkey the rest of the way
i was taking 5-6 percs a day i went off cold turkey it is now day 16 and i feel great. it was
not easy but it can be done i felt like **** for about 9 days then on 11 again on and off
i would have good days so far the last 3 days have been really good. i will pray for you and maybe someone else will come on and give you some more advice on the kind of pills you are takeing . good luck and god bless.