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Help! PLEASE!!!
I need some serious help!!! my life is straight hell, I have absolutely nothing right now! No money pills family friends anything because I'm a damn addict!! I need some help so bad I'm a straight trainwreck right now with a seriously twisted fuckn mind from driving myself ******* crazy! I went to rehab last month and I could have done it! but I got uncomfortable and just straight left! Stupidest thing ever, now I'm scared Ill never be able to get help! Ive tried na/aa, ive tried tapering, ive tried ct, I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO I'm so scared so unhappy so anxious SO PISSED sitting here hurting inside and out! Everythings gone now! I done sold everything I have to cover for more pills, now they gone! and so is my stuff! and family! what is someone suppose to do man I'm so scared ill never get out of this hell can someone PLEASE HELP ME GOD I REALLY am extremely depressed and unhappy!
I know that this opiate recovery thing is tough. After I went through the withdrawals I had this awful depression and lack of energy. It was this depression that always brought me back to the drugs. I always worried that if I continued to feel this way that drugs were the only solution. I just couldn't live like that. I thought maybe I'd damaged my brain and I was tied to these pills forever. I got into treatment and set some goals. When I faced the depression I just hunkered down and dealt with it the best I could. I decided I was going to give it at least 30 days. After 2 weeks I felt like crap, just like every other time I tried to quit but I'd made a committment to 30 days. After 3 weeks I started to feel better, not great but better. Week 4 was even better, I decided to go for another 30 days. Not a piece a cake but way better than that first two weeks. A couple weeks into my second month I started to get real sleep. After the 60 days I realized I was starting to feel nearly normal.
My point is that you need to give this time. It's not easy but it gets better, which means each additional week is easier to do than the last one. I'm starting on my 9th month. No cravings. No financial disasters from buying pills and no dealers in my life. I honestly feel as good as I did on the drugs. I am still surprised that I've returned to the place I was at before I started. You can do this too. I don't think my story is exceptional in any way. I decided I'd had enough, my brain has recovered and I have my life back.
You can have this too! Give yourself 30 days. It's really not that long to get your life back.
My point is that you need to give this time. It's not easy but it gets better, which means each additional week is easier to do than the last one. I'm starting on my 9th month. No cravings. No financial disasters from buying pills and no dealers in my life. I honestly feel as good as I did on the drugs. I am still surprised that I've returned to the place I was at before I started. You can do this too. I don't think my story is exceptional in any way. I decided I'd had enough, my brain has recovered and I have my life back.
You can have this too! Give yourself 30 days. It's really not that long to get your life back.
CJ its Monday I really hope you made it I was so happy to see your post tell me whatever you want just type it will make you feel better, I love that pic of the baby I pink tell me about her does she make you laugh can her eyes melt your heart?
We are all here reading and listening and reaching out to you...we DO understand. And we do care.
Today is Sunday......you said you wish you could go back to rehab and you are going to call tomorrow....Monday. SO JUST DO IT.....BEG THEM to come back if you have to. You said you left the last time because you got "uncomfortable" and just left. Getting clean and changing your life means you have to be WILLING to BE uncomfortable for awhile. The only way to get comfortable with something is to repeat it and repeat it.
You can say "enough is enough" whenever you want. Rehab....a minimum of 30 days is really important for you right now. If they offer you a sober living place upon leaving rehab.....take 'em up on it. It will give you time to learn....to heal....to see how worth it you are, CJ~
Today is Sunday......you said you wish you could go back to rehab and you are going to call tomorrow....Monday. SO JUST DO IT.....BEG THEM to come back if you have to. You said you left the last time because you got "uncomfortable" and just left. Getting clean and changing your life means you have to be WILLING to BE uncomfortable for awhile. The only way to get comfortable with something is to repeat it and repeat it.
You can say "enough is enough" whenever you want. Rehab....a minimum of 30 days is really important for you right now. If they offer you a sober living place upon leaving rehab.....take 'em up on it. It will give you time to learn....to heal....to see how worth it you are, CJ~
I guess my rock bottom is death cuz I don't really care about anything else anymore, I'm so fed up with everything and sometimes feel like itd be better, naw I'm not going to commit suicide but feel like id be better off so idk if I even care really... idk why I came to this page? no one here really knows me or knows how I feel, I for **** sure aint playin no games and I can guarantuee anyone that, just in a bad position, not a game at all... And it offends me sometimes that people think just cuz I'm still getting my fix an not on this website throwing up and WD and **** am I not suppose to be taken serious or something? Does it matter what my rock bottom is because in all honesty whose to say what it is or isn't? No my parent haven't given me anything since I left to rehab the first time.. i wish i had someone in real life whod help me or something, cuz i aint good at begging, i aint good with phone calls and authority and ****, i really aint. my girls left me too jerry so now no I'm not really on good terms with anyone in my life right now... I wish I could go back to rehab, i have to call Monday but man lifes so ******* hard right now that i really don't even know if i can make it till then I'm so mad upset just lost i feel like.. it takes 6 weeks and the days are just getting harder and longer and man it just feels like i cant take it, I'm sitting here just typing right now man I'm seriously just wish i could personally be happy again someway somehow, drugs no drugs idk idec i just want to feel ok.. thanks jerry for that message
CJ, I tried helping you last time and I assumed the worst when you never returned to the site so going over the same WD info is the same stuff you have heard before, But I see you have made it to rehab but bailed on that also !! so let me ask you something now that you have nothing what is your rock bottom?? most people always say right now given a bad position but in reality anything short of death is really rock bottom and let me tell you from what you have posted so far your not rock bottom yet your still playing games with your life!! in the past your parents were supplying you and I assume that over? in the past you had a GF how is that working out? in the past you were starting a job is that working out? PLEASE do yourself a HUGE favor head back to that rehab BEG ON YOUR KNEES for them to take you back promise your soul if you must because if you stick it out it will give you the tools to survive this addiction you are in a no win situation right now so the standard stay home and rest routine is not and option and unless you want to WD on a park bench you should really try the rehab we are here for you and want you to succeed but typing on a keyboard is all I can do when if you were next to me I would take you back to rehab myself. best wishes bro.
COMMUNITY LEADER
I wonder CJ....how much further down do u need to go to realize there are only 3 options left.....jails, institutions or death! These 3 options are real....there not just words. I don't want to spew a bunch of crap to you right now b/c the condition your in is very volitale.....but you do realize death is a real option.....I know of 2 people that have od'd since I started n/a and my best friend from n/a is now looking at a possible 17 years in jail. This disease is not a joke....its as deadly as cancer and does NOT discriminate!!! Tell us why your not ready? What makes you think you have any control over this?
Hi CJ, listen to these folks. They know bc they've been there! I have too and I'm here to tell you that no one can do this for us. Keep going to meetings and get plugged in while your there. NA/AA ppl are so willing to "give back" and help us newcomers out. If you pray, that helps too. I'll pray that God will give you the strength you need. Don't ever give up, man! -My best
Idk really doesn't feel any better off the pills idk what to do.. like really man I feel like sometimes id rather die then have to go without and go through another emotional beatdown off of them, idk how to explain it really, do I have the courage to quit? no prolly not cause I just wont, idk why every time I can get something, no thought twice about it its going to happen, how is someone supposed to get off of them first? Idk I'm still here just having a really hard time explaining... yeah I have roof over my head just kinda bouncing around houses right now.. Thanks for the responses sorry for the late posts just really down and upset about things, an yea id like to quit, you can make ur mind up that u want to quit, but doesn't mean youll be able to fight it off forever jus cuz u want to...
Hey CJ, I hope you're still here. Wanting help and and having the courage to accept it, is, well two different things. Imagine all the hard work you put into scoring your drugs and then think about how much hard work you want to put into being clean and sober. I'm sixty years old and my brain is scrambled because I was too stupid to realize that there is a better life out there and too cowardly to a reach out and change my life earlier. I missed a part of my life that I would love to have back. It's to late for that now but I'm enjoying time now more than ever. Having drugs and/or alcohol running your life is no way to live. I can't promise anything other than the fact that if you really want to be clean and sober then it rests on your shoulders. It's up to you and only you right now. I can tell you that's it's worth it.
Having the courage to come here to this community is a very big step forward and congratulations to you. I guess you have been fighting these demons for a long time. We all are. I hope you consider drawing the line real soon and take the stand. It's never too late to feel the wind in you face again for the first time. It's a beautiful thing CJ. You can do this and you've come to the right place. Please keep posting and God Bless you. You have friends here...........................ike
Recovery is hard, it's takes time, it's painful and scares the heck out of you. Time to make up your mind friend.
Having the courage to come here to this community is a very big step forward and congratulations to you. I guess you have been fighting these demons for a long time. We all are. I hope you consider drawing the line real soon and take the stand. It's never too late to feel the wind in you face again for the first time. It's a beautiful thing CJ. You can do this and you've come to the right place. Please keep posting and God Bless you. You have friends here...........................ike
Recovery is hard, it's takes time, it's painful and scares the heck out of you. Time to make up your mind friend.
Hi CJ.... I'm sorry you are in this predicament. I know how long you have been trying to get clean. You must try harder. Is there a therapist you could go to? A regular one, not a sub clinic. I know how much you miss your girls. Is this gonna be your rock bottom dude? Or do you have to live on the streets a little? The buck stop here. Get your butt back to rehab and do it right this time. Get a therapist and find out what is making you use. You got a kid to think about CJ. You have your own life to think about too. You want it to end on the streets? The jailhouse? The morgue? You are worth so much more than that. You have something to give in this world that is beautiful and needed. Snatch it back!
I DITTO all the above.
Any mind-altering substance, do just that. They really Whack out our Brain Chemistry. You will be thinking with a pill brain and not a real brain. This is the part that takes so much Soul searching. WE all have to reach a point where we have to find that balance with our Spiritual, Mental and Physical side, and this takes some Working at!!!
You got to keep reaching out in all kinds of areas to see what will work for you. Keep trying more meetings like AA/NA. YOU will find the one that you feel so comfortable at. I go to both and many different ones. I feel comfortable, because it has been over 3yrs and I finally stood up to saying what ever I wanted to. It is YOUR Recovery and YOURS only. There is no right or wrong at those meetings. As far as the Treatment center, you need to stay at least 30 days to really get it. I went to one back in the later 90s and stayed one week and ran back to the drugs. I did go to another one and wanted to just go..I did stay my 30days and finally a switch went on.
I also find that knowing more about Addiction in a more Scientific way really helps me to this day. I am no young chic and had been using off & on since the late 60s. I still have my moments when I feel so messed up in the head that I want to use something to release these feelings, but I know I would not make it through another detox, plus I know now, how much damage (sorta) I did to my Brain & Body from using/boozing for all these yrs.
NEVER say NEVER!!! You just need to keep reaching out for that Support. Do not let your Brain plays those tricks on you. Get up and dust those pants off and tie those boot strings and go out and kick some ash against this Disease. Keep telling yourself that YOU will win and that you will get your life back. Be Strong, Surrender to your God, keep that Faith up. YOU can do it!! However, we can not do it alone. Go back and try some more meetings or get a hold of Addiction Therapist. Just try to get out of your head and on with your life. Stick around here for Support!!! WE are here for YOU!
Bless
Vickie
Any mind-altering substance, do just that. They really Whack out our Brain Chemistry. You will be thinking with a pill brain and not a real brain. This is the part that takes so much Soul searching. WE all have to reach a point where we have to find that balance with our Spiritual, Mental and Physical side, and this takes some Working at!!!
You got to keep reaching out in all kinds of areas to see what will work for you. Keep trying more meetings like AA/NA. YOU will find the one that you feel so comfortable at. I go to both and many different ones. I feel comfortable, because it has been over 3yrs and I finally stood up to saying what ever I wanted to. It is YOUR Recovery and YOURS only. There is no right or wrong at those meetings. As far as the Treatment center, you need to stay at least 30 days to really get it. I went to one back in the later 90s and stayed one week and ran back to the drugs. I did go to another one and wanted to just go..I did stay my 30days and finally a switch went on.
I also find that knowing more about Addiction in a more Scientific way really helps me to this day. I am no young chic and had been using off & on since the late 60s. I still have my moments when I feel so messed up in the head that I want to use something to release these feelings, but I know I would not make it through another detox, plus I know now, how much damage (sorta) I did to my Brain & Body from using/boozing for all these yrs.
NEVER say NEVER!!! You just need to keep reaching out for that Support. Do not let your Brain plays those tricks on you. Get up and dust those pants off and tie those boot strings and go out and kick some ash against this Disease. Keep telling yourself that YOU will win and that you will get your life back. Be Strong, Surrender to your God, keep that Faith up. YOU can do it!! However, we can not do it alone. Go back and try some more meetings or get a hold of Addiction Therapist. Just try to get out of your head and on with your life. Stick around here for Support!!! WE are here for YOU!
Bless
Vickie
I'm new, and not familiar with any previous posts you might have made, but it sounds like maybe you're having the realization that this is it. As motye51 said "Bite the bullet". For me, everyone here has been a wealth of knowledge. I've seen the support they've given others, and received it as well. If you're in a tough emotional moment, come here. Someone is usually around, and if not, read the past posts. The info helps me with the anxiety, and it will keep your brain occupied. I suggest the same as motye51. Try and see if you can return to rehab, or look for a detox center. If a center isn't an option, look for a DR in your area. If you're honest with the state you're in, they will help you. They've seen it all. You just gotta make the first step.
COMMUNITY LEADER
I totally recognize your screen name and I know this has been a monkey on your back for quite awhile.
What made you uncomfortable in rehab? Can u go back? Do u have any short term detox centers in your area so at least you'd be good for 7 days? Are you fed up enough yet? What made you think it would be different this time? You won't die!!!!!! You must get this **** out of your system.....and I'm going to say you tried N/A as in you went to meetings OR you got a sponsor, made friends , opened up and allowed these people to love you unconditionally????
YOU HAVE TO JUST BITE THE BULLET AND DO IT!!! Do you have a roof over your head for right now????
What made you uncomfortable in rehab? Can u go back? Do u have any short term detox centers in your area so at least you'd be good for 7 days? Are you fed up enough yet? What made you think it would be different this time? You won't die!!!!!! You must get this **** out of your system.....and I'm going to say you tried N/A as in you went to meetings OR you got a sponsor, made friends , opened up and allowed these people to love you unconditionally????
YOU HAVE TO JUST BITE THE BULLET AND DO IT!!! Do you have a roof over your head for right now????
Take a few deep breaths, say a good prayer and then read everything you can on these blogs and others. The more you learn about what you are and about to go thru the better chance you have of making it. I'm on day 14 now I've tried many times before and failed. I had to lose almost everything like you to get serious. It seems impossible the first week or so but I'm finally seeing the light after 2 weeks. You can do it. I just kept trying to think if I had bad flu for a couple weeks it would be about same. The mental part is knowing taking pills can take it away. The flu thing helped me a lot it really isn't any worse just longer then your free.
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