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Avatar universal

Help me Understand

Hello All,
This is my 1st posting so I guess I'll just shoot right out and say what's going on.  I recently discovered my husband is addicated to opiates, what kind I don't know and other drugs I'm not sure of.  We have been married since 2002 together since 2000.  We have a 3 year old.  I guess I knew something hasn't been quite right for awhile, I just ignored it blaming his diabetes for the unusual sweats, throwing up, etc.  The weirdest thing is he says he is in pain.   Its like he tries to compensate taking a pill for the pain.  The first pain I remembered was a tooth he would not get fixed.  I have state health ins. so its pretty good. Things got pretty bad after this.    Boy has a bomb hit me.  Once a frugal person we are broke living from paycheck to paycheck.  He denies taking anything yet passes out at night. His eyes are bloodshot, breathing hard and slow.   I am at my wits end.  My question is since he refuses to tlk to me is what are withdrawl symptoms like?  What in God's Name can I do to help?  It's like he doesn't care about his family anymore.  I say one thing and its n 1 ear and out the other.  He has a very good job but I'm thinking he's keeping these pills at work.  Someone has to be selling to him b/c he is getting them off the street. I have done everything I know to do and nothing has worked.  I think he has been using since 2007 and it has gotten worse over time.  I am tired of fighting a losing battle.  I am tired of my child seeing him stoned and I am miserable b/c I can't stop it. I think he has tried but couldn't do it.  Anyone have any advice?
23 Responses
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Avatar universal
First off I would suggest you seek out ALANON or NARANON.. they can help give you the support you NEED and you won't feel soooo ALL ALONE,.... It sounds to me like you have a tough battle ahead... First being, that he hasn't admitted to his "problem"... (only HE can do that)..

You are right in your statement that it has gotten worse over time... THAT it DOES...and only goes DOWN hill from there... (sometimes folks have to reach a ROCK BOTTOM in order to SEE that they have a problem)

I will say that your statement of 'FIGHTING A LOSIN BATTLE" is NOT true BECAUSE it sounds like you LOVE HIM... something that he NEEDS at this time..
and.. you need too..

Hang in there sweet pea.. and get YOURSELF some AFTERCARE.. i.e. ALANON. NARANON.. any kind of SUPPORT GROUP... and... God Bless you.. and KEEP Posting as I'm out here for you!

Love, Hugs and Prayers.
NorcoQueenoftheUniverse
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I think you need to get out - now.  Take all the money you can find, take your daughter, and leave.  Might not hurt to see a lawyer, either.  Your husband won't even admit he has a problem, much less accept help for it.  You are endangering yourself, and more importantly, your daughter.  She deserves better.

Good luck!
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Avatar universal
Wow......"take all the money you can find and leave"?!?!  Pretty serious suggestion to someone whome you have never met and don't completely know thier situation....
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Avatar universal
First of all...what makes you so sure that he is addicted to opiates?  I mean- you talked about how you feel about it and how you are at witts end...but you didn't really go into HOW you know that he is addicted.

Please keep posting.  We can help you get thru this!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
That's a really tough situation you have there. The advice to get a support group is spot on.

The passing out/depressed breathing sounds rather worrying to me, that can be signs of borderline overdose, nevermind abuse. I'm not going to give any advice as the only time I've ever been in anything like your situation (the living with an addict in denial part that is) I handled it very badly indeed ... except to say if he will not admit he is using and has a serious problem it will be difficult.

I'm not really saying anything useful here am i? Just felt need to say something...
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
And let me ask you this......does he take care of his diabetes?  Moniter his blood sugar, and exercise and or take his insulin?

I have lived with someone with daibetes, and I know how it is.  Up and running one minute, and then the BS gets low, and is passed out the next minute.

You said that he wouldn't go get a tooth fixed...... as a recovering addict, I can tell you that I JUMPED at the oppertunity to go to the dentist.  Afterall, he was another person capible of feeding my addiction.

Please get back to me with some more info....
Helpful - 0
477746 tn?1254784547
I'm a bit confused - have you seen him taking pills or found pills he's hidden and just couldn't identify them? Or how did you jump to the conclusion it may be opiate addiction?

I would tend to think that any opiate addict would almost without a doubt take advantage of health coverage to get pills at some point of desperation once the money runs low/out... just a little concerned that a conclusion is being jumped to that could cause both of you to ignore some serious health issues that aren't the result of opiate abuse - especially if he already has serious pre-existing health problems.

Helpful - 0
942290 tn?1252618549
alot of things dont add up, and I must say what you describe, does come off as an addict in denial.  if I am reading you right, your checking account is drained and you did not have this problem before?

and he did take pills for pain,right??


the respiratory issue,throwing up, and passing out,  CAN be a sign of overindulgence. not to mention,if so, hes pushing the envolope of ODing. I know I would wake up, at times gasping for air........was one of my wake up calls,amongst others ,like horrible bloodshot eyes too, at night after maxing out all day.

sounds like you have been on him about it, which if I was him and I was not taking them I would call you out and say..........."how about I take a drug test to quiet you down!"


please let us know more info,so we can draw some more concrete conclusions

Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Well reading all these i am just as confused as you and all these other people. But there is help out there for you so dont worry ok? I agree he is doing something that is damm near making him overdose and coming close to killing himself. You have to be really carefull with opiates and other drugs. I would demand a drug test too and really talk to him and explain how imortant his life is and how many people on here have had these problems and dang near lost their lives but got help and now doing better.
There is support groups out there to help you with this and you can demand him to seek help. I am quiting oxycodone and man this has just been hell. The first day was a living nightmare and that was enough for me to get help and do whatever it takes to make me feel better. I then brought my wife in on everything and had her read all these posts and she was just blown away and was soo much more understanding and now she is helping me through this, Has he came on here and read all these posts? Maybe you need him to read about this and his problem and how serious it is and know hes not alone and can do it. Bless your heart hun and keep strong and everything will work out fine for you and him k?

If any other questions or concers please feel free to write and will respond right away !!
GOD BLESS !!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Maybe I wasn't clear enough.  I have found pills in his pants pockets, desk drawer, hiding in our medicine cabinet, on the floor at his work, in his truck, the list never ends.  I confront him each time.  His father recently passed away from sepsis.  He does not manage his diabetes.  Everything out of his mouth is some sort of pain.  I spoke with him about going to a doc to try suboxene.  He said he would but I can tell he might be looking for his next high.  He will tell me he takes pills but only when he gets caught.  He has regressed into himself.  He comes home and goes to sleep. I don't think he wants to quit. I think he likes it. And as far as taking money and leaving?  I own the home and I'm not jacking my child up.  We have been together almost 10 years.  MY biggest problem is dealing with the rejection and not caring that comes from him.  I cried all night and he slept knowing.  I have lost me, my happiness, my security.  
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
BE COMPASSIONATE! I dont understand all the negativity on this thread.....Most of us have been thru the process of getting off pills, and we would want support, right? ANYONE can get addicted to pills. Im a   happy woman with a wonderful husband and a great family, job, etc and I got addicted!! When you marry someone, you vow "through sickness and in health". This is a sickness and the suggestion of abandoning everything just goes against marriage principles. With good support, he can get through this. He has to want it. Read through this board and you will find many stories of what w/d is like. There is a LOT of key information and helpful hints, just keep reading. And most of all, get him to read this board as well! It will really help. The support here is mostly amazing. Then, go from there. Meetings, whatever...Keep conscious and heal together.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Wow just read your new post and that is a lot to deal with....I send you strength....you need that right now. Be strong, keep trying. He sounds like he needs confrontation in a serious way, some kind of intervention. Sending strength.....
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Posting between work as we don't have internet at home.  To clarify the bank accout we have never been rich but we always had enough to fall back on.  I let him take care of the bills until the business he worked for closed down.  He had a job switch end of 08 this is when I noticed we were overdrawing every month.  You have to understand we don't have a house payment, did not have home ins, only 1 vehicle payment under $300 very managable and then regular household bills.  I borrowed $1000's from a family member over time and it hit me to request a printout.  I think this was the turning point for me to realize the seriousness of the issue.  I don't think as much is being spent as before but I recently found out he has been lying about "bonus" checks he gets weekly? monthly? I don't know how much they are.  The main check is dd.  I never see the other money.  The agreement was the last time he would start putting these into the bank but it has not happened.  Credit card has also gotten out of control.  I took these for awhile but it is back in wallett.
       The dentist issue was that yes he would not let the dentist fix the tooth properly he kept putting temps in.  So he wound up losing it.
       He usually throws up 1st thing in the morning.  His stomach is always messed up.  We can't go anywhere without him eventually being drenched in sweat.  And last to address the talking I have talked until I'm blue.  At first I attacked b/c I was so mad that he could do his family this way.  I eventually realized he couldn't help himself anymore.  I tried to help him but u can't help help the unwilling.  I can't get him to open up at all.  I don't know if he would tell the truth if u shoved a hot poker up his *** and yet I don't want to loose him.  Kinda funny I feel like I'm grieving over a dead person.  The worst part is each time I find out another lie I make the bridge that much wider.  All I ever wanted was the truth good or bad.  It just hurst worse that the last couple of years of my life have been based on a lie.  how does one deal with that?
Helpful - 0
1051392 tn?1255469391
wow hun i am so sorry you are in this spot right now but please take a min and think dont just leave yet!! alot of us here hid your addiction form our wives and husbands for years it didnt mean we did not love them it ment we were sick and would do anything to get what we needed. give him a chanch sit him down in a calm setting try to understand and let him open up and trust you. i know when my husband found out i was terrfied he would leave i was overwelmed with embarrassment and guilt. youve been togeather for 10 years he loves you he just has a addiction that has taken control. my husband gave me a chance bless his soul and after WD he set some ground rules i hated it at first but i new i had to earn trust again
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Very well said.  

I am still a little concerned with this guy though.  I think he MAY have an addiction, but I think he has some other medical problems as well...

I pray that all works out...
Helpful - 0
1046832 tn?1255008262
Sweetie i know you feel like your hands are tide and you want everything to be ok !!! just keep taking deep breaths I know your upset But remember your wedding vows remind him of your wedding vows and just how much he means to you and that you do not want to lose him,! Some-life1976 posted he could be sick, as well as addicted ,that he could !and it could be caused by his addiction which happened to my son, but then at the same time there are different street drugs that cause sweating and throwing up Ive seen my son do same things some times it was because of the drugs and some time because he had none! I can not say this enough find you a naronor aa meeting and go for you it will help i promise and keep venting here because you need to talk and this is a great place to get help and people who care and understand
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Well I had a better night last night.  We did talk some.  He said he was mostly taking the pills on Mondays?  Sounded funny to me.  He also said he was taking Lorcet and that when he took them he was taking 4 or 5 a day.  He said he could go about 4 or 5 days not taking them but I find this hard to believe.  He also said some key words that the 4 or 5 days was about how long he could fight the feeling off of taking them. Any thoughts?  I assumed someone may be bringing them to him at work. He also asked why I had to know every detail.  I think he feels like I'm charging him but I don't know any other way.  I start out with open questions and try to lead to more detailed.
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Avatar universal
Its good you talked and also that you got some information out of him.

Lorcet (hydrocodone & ibuprofen I believe) does fit his symptoms. I've pulled this list of stuff that it can cause:

* dizziness and lightheadedness
* nausea
* drowsiness
* euphoria
* vomiting
* constipation
* allergic reaction or rash
* blood disorders
* changes in mood and mental fogginess anxiety lethargy
* difficulty urinating or spasm of the ureter
* irregular or depressed respiration (which can be fatal)
* Liver or renal dysfunction or failure if taken in large doses
* Hearing loss

Everyone is different I guess but I also doubt you have the full story. What he is taking is pretty much the same thing I abused and 4-5 days just doesn't sound right. At that point I would have been in full withdrawal mode, if you havn't seen him regularly showing WD symptoms towards the end of the week he may not have been entirely honest with you.
Helpful - 0
942290 tn?1252618549
I kinda already knew it, but did not want to be too quick to judge him without more facts.


hes lying about use,which is common. he would be a very rare breed of person, that some how managed to just take them on mondays??you already stated pills were found every where, on the floors....... the pills on the street are expensive. hence why he  has no loot, and the cards are getting maxed out. cash withdrawals, by any chance??

I mean, I am sorry to say this. but hes almost a text book addict in denial. but I could be wrong.....

what worries me, is hes displaying all the symptoms of an addict that has maxed out on opioids.  does he drink beer too?
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Avatar universal
He does not drink.  I did some research of my own today and found out some interesting things.  He is always saying he is tired.  He can wake up 1st thing in the morning and say it.  Then lately its been hurting all over, muscle cramps, stomach cramps, so I'm thinking he's maxed out also.  Its terrifying b/c he doesn't think he has a problem.  He said those things but I talked to him a few minutes ago and was trying to figure out an alternative method of quitting. He said he could take one at 9 and sleep all night.  I'm figuring double that because that doesent happen unless   He   MAXES out on the pills.  He's up 3 and 4 times a night peeing, craping, etc.  So my conclusion today is a bleak one.  He is really addicted, I'm lost, and reading up on this it seems he's doomed for failure before he tries to stop.  To clarify eairler posting the pills were found ALWAYS by accident.  One or 2 here, some there and there was always an excuse and it was always an accident me finding them. I mean, we met in college.  We did things college kids do but I don't think he ever really stopped.  I never tried opiates b/c I felt they would make me sick.
He has no taken cash withdrawls (recently) he's smarter than that.  They are always at a store or grocier and $20.00 a time several times a day.  I keep a watch pretty close on the bank now.  What he spends now on pills is what he gets back on his weekly whatever he gets so $60 a week? Classic symptoms I new were dialeted pupils, the red eyes, passing out, slurring, but not its getting more serious. I printed material out tonight my mission is to try to get him to see he is killing himself with this (not to mention the diabetes)  
Helpful - 0
942290 tn?1252618549
when one takes opiates and or opioids for long periods of times,their pain threshold is out of whack. the slightest things hurt more than ever. eventually the pills dont even work for pain, or atleast not nearly as much. depends on what the pills looked like too........will determine how strong of pill he is on.

another sign is scratching,rubbing ones face alot....itching and rubbing. highs and lows in mood swings


work with him, and give him an opportunity to get his act together. but yet be firm......like I said an innocent man will call you out right away, and offer to do a test.
Helpful - 0
983679 tn?1276833336
WOW i think your reply to this post was very insensere, uncaring, just plain out rude and somewhat unhuman like. "take all the money, kids, get a lawyer" this post makes me think the  selfish drug addict parts of your thinking was doing the talking!  What happen to trying to help people?  What if your family had abdoned you during your time of pain? Plenty of drug addicts have kids, myself included(step son) and our kids are doing good! Your screen name is Goodmom but if you take your own advise into account than you say YOUR kids deserve better! Sorry i am not attacking you just your reply is very offensive!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
well i agree with leegetnclean about how negative that comment was about leave get out take the mobney and kids, first off what gives u the rite to tell someone u have never meet or know and do not truly kno the full stroy and tell someone to do that. that is wau wrong of u and theres a line u dont cross when giving advice i belive especially to someone u dont know. yes she asked for advice but we dont have the ritye to say certain personla things and that is one of them.... yes this site is great but some times some people giver out wriong advice so take what u read and hear with a grain of salt. and i wish u all the best in your problem wifeandmom and do what u feel is best for ur daughter, you, and ur husband only u have some of the answers we are just hear to listen and give some advice, so good luck to u and if u have any Qs u can ask me any time.
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