Help needed

[DRose718]

Hello all, I'm going to tell you my story. I have an addiction problem with perc 30's. I hate them and myself so much and lately ive been thinking about suicide more and more lately. I've been addicted to perks for about a year and a half now. About 2 months ago I quit for a month and get amazing. I was still fighting the urges but it wasn't bad something I knew I can live with. But a month ago I thought it would be a good idea to just use one and now I'm back to having to take them everyday and now I'm taking more then I use to. I want to quit again and get back to where I was but it feels so much harder now. The withdrawals is less intense than last time because it feels like I started using them for the first time again but the emotions is a lot worst. I need something to motivate me and spark that spark I had when I first quit. I hate that I put myself back in this position when I fought so hard to get out of. This site helped me he first time. I need your help. Tell me I can do it cause of not I'm going to loss everything I worked so hard to get. I know divide isn't the answer but it feels like it will just be a lot easier you know. Even when I'm not thinking of them I feel it in my chest, my body. Like **** I want to quit bad but why can't I. I don't even like the feeling of being high of these. I want to feel happy again, wake up again without worrying about taking one. This **** ***** please help me

[Steve1839]

Hello my friends. I hear where your coming from , all of you. It started with Perks with me 8 years ago for pain from a accident I had. Then Oxy  and after that 4 mg 4 times a day of Hydromorphone. About a month ago I decided to just get off the pain killers but I knew I would need help from the withdrawal. So I went to a Methadone clinic and it has helped me so much. I take 40mg every morning and it lasts me till the next day. No more pills for me at all. I have not touched them. It is amazing when your taking pills everyday for 8 years and then just stop. No more worries about running out of my scripts early and getting all stressed out about it. I feel better everyday and have more energy. My family did not know I did this at all but when they saw me over the weekend they couldn't believe how I looked. They were shocked on how much energy I had and just looking at me they saw a new me. People will say be carful with Methadone and I get that but it's better then popping pills everyday all day. It has changed my life 100%. It's a great feeling not taking pills anymore. I never thought that this could happen for me and it did. I will always have chronic pain so if Methadone is my help for that , then I'm ok by taking it cause it's much better then taking pills. I would recommend this to anyone so they can get off pills.  I'm a changed person and feel so good. I hope this helps anyone that is stuck on pills and don't know what to do. Good luck to you if you choose to go the way I did. I haven't been this happy in 8 years. What a great feeling and accomplishment. Thanks for your stories too.

[smellzy]

Thanks steve im so glad that the methadone program is working for you,it has crossed my mind to go that route but then  i read stories of people wanting to get off of it and it's a pretty slow progress....I can see the good side of not popping heaps of pills pharmacy shopping everyday it gets one down..I am actually going to ween down and see how i go

[smellzy]

Thanks for sharing   :)

[smellzy]

Thanks everyone for your kind words ,i am starting today,i think the thing that stops me is the sleepless nights but i know that will pass and the depression...when i was clean before it was so nice to not have to go from pharmacy to pharmacy thinking which one do i go to today,and i have had a couple tell me i need a dr,letter then i just don;t go there again,,or i get friends family to buy me a pkt as they know i have back issues but not how many i'm taking...started with a couple then went up and up ..Thanks again eveyone <3
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[smellzy]

Thanks everyone for your kind words ,i am starting today,i think the thing that stops me is the sleepless nights but i know that will pass and the depression...when i was clean before it was so nice to not have to go from pharmacy to pharmacy thinking which one do i go to today,and i have had a couple tell me i need a dr,letter then i just don;t go there again,,or i get friends family to buy me a pkt as they know i have back issues but not how many i'm taking...started with a couple then went up and up ..Thanks again eveyone <3
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[Jerry198]

First off welcome , and even though we don't know each other your life is worth it don't ever think that suicide is the answer !! if you have done this before then you can do it again just look at the things that made you fail the last time and fix those items.  your mind will always want to have that opiate high this issue is once it feels it very few things can ever replace it and if your an addict its just even worse. many out there can take a few as need for what ever reason and put them down for ever but far to many of us cant and after long term use there is no way off but to put in the hard work through the WD's so please hang out here and let us work you through this next story of your life. Best wishes

[Mozer2828]

Even tho I have not stopped I do have my quit date on Friday and probably be in here 24/7 but that's ok I know there's people on here that will support mine and your(s) every step I know you guys can do it I have before and like it was said just thought I could try just 1 nope.... Can never do that... I'm sending lots of prayers hugs and most of all I wish you luck on your road to a clean and free life of narcs.... I know you can do this❤️

[smellzy]

Hi Mozer wishing you luck on your road to recovery   <3

[BellaJake]

Well said VICourageous.  I wanted to come up with the right thing to say and was afraid I wouldn't have the right words.  But Courageous is soooo right.  Sounds like you both definitely need some support!! Get to some meetings. Get some people in your corner!  

I can tell you that I understand beating myself up! I know it's not the same thing at all but I have quit cigarettes a bunch of times. I quit alcohol after some stupid things.  And now I've quit pain meds. And I could look back with a ton of regrets. Why the heck did I do that? I was titrating all spring and summer, with very little plan. Just sort of a little less of this and a little less of that and then back up and down. I did NOT get good counseling from the pain clinic. They were proud of me for deciding to stop narcotics so they thought I was handling myself well. I look back and think...I should have had guidance and spent so many months getting off these meds.

But I got there!!!! And I am finally off narcotics.  And every mistake or step back is a huge lesson!  You will get strength from those mistakes and they will prevent you from making the same mistake in the future. What if you had been clean for 10 years and then decided to take just 1.  Well, you have already learned that you can't do that! So great. Lesson learned.

Line up your supports and remember how great you felt when you were off the meds!!!!  We're with you!!!

[smellzy]

Thankyou for your reply , i will try and update as i go ..I read this site everyday and know i am not alone .:)

[DRose718]

Thank you

[VICourageous]

Hello and Welcome.

To both of you above. This disease is a Bitttch and it does take a lot of Support to give it a go. WE can not go it alone..Maybe look into some AA/NA or even Church Support. Get a counselor or talk with a addiction therapist. Talk to friends in Recovery.

You just experienced what will happen to the Mid-Brain (survival part) when we just think WE can take just ONE. This is why they say one is to many and a thousand is not enough. You will spark that Brain up and off it goes playing the same old tape over and over again and again.

So this is not your first rodeo. You know the drill and you know it does take time for the Brain/Body to find it's way back home. You have to be OK with Not being OK for awhile as gnarly says on here. This is the truth for sure. You just have to give it (all) time to fire back up and for the brain to kick back in.

So again..Dust off those Boots and get back up on that Horse. No packing them bags and going on a quilt trip either. You need to take another Trail this time. GET SUPPORT!  Hang in here day after day if you can not get out right now. I have seen so many people come and go but the ones who seem to get some kind of outside Support stay clean. It takes so many changes to make this work. So many Boundaries have to be put up. Surrender this to your God. Just know that WE can NOT do this alone! Learning new coping skills is a must. Learning were or what Triggers you is a must, so you can learn how to avoid these things. Sometimes it runs deeper inside so again this is were Support is offered.

I will send some Prayers out to both You & smellzy. Come on YOU 2 can do it!!!  ALL of us will be here for YOU 2 cheering for you all the way, as we hold your hand. Be Safe, Be Good and always Guard Up!
Bless

[smellzy]

Hey DRose i was on this site a long time ago ,i finally had the right frame of mind and got off opiates,then oneday i thought i might go buy a pkt and haven;t stopped since i don;t seem to be able to get in the right frame of mind to do it..Everyday i say to myself tomorrow i will start then when tomorrow comes i think i will start tomorrow and it goes on and on....I To need some help to be able to do this i think i' m afraid of the withdrawls and if i don;t take my DOC i feel like life is so boring and i get depressed ,and sometimes think im better off out of this world but would never do that to my family...I need someone to tell me how do i get my self in the right frame of mind and get off these things as i can buy them over counter at pharmacy there is talk they may go on script next year i'm so hoping they do then i wouldn't be able to just go buy them.They don't make me high they just make me function ,i hope and pray we can do this goodluck take care Deb........