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Helping a drug addict in over my head! Please help!

So here it goes, my friend from college has been a opiate addict for 5 years or more now. I called her to see how she was doing, she was in the hospital with a heart infection due to her drug use. I felt bad for her, I was having a tough time with my girlfriend and said get clean and move over to Europe you can be my roommate I can get you a job. She was never clean the hospital was giving her shots or pills every 4-6 hours, I just assumed she was sober and getting herself straight in the hospital. Once she got out her father bought her a plane ticket (one way) they never asked when he just got her a ticket for three weeks out. Long story short, she uses again as soon as she leaves the hospital and gets wrecked for three weeks on opiates. I knew she was using but still let her come anyways. The first days she here she's coming off the opiates, so I get some weed for us to smoke to chill out and feel better, once again dumb move I know. The next few weeks we are drinking and smoking weed and having a good time. One night we go out and she leaves with four dudes, I don't care she's just a friend. I wake up the next day and feel awful I had a hangover for three days. She comes in my room drinking Jäger and smoking bongs and then finally proceeds to pass out on the couch. I left that day and have never spent the night there again. I talked with my ex girlfriend I told her that it's not the life for me and that I wanted to be with her and I know what I want. So now I have a friend who's living in my apartment, trying to get a job. Then I start working a second job, I work from 10:00-23:00 M-F with a break for dinner. I have no time for my friend now and she is struggling to maintain sobriety, she drinks everyday and I believe she is using coke or speed. She has no job and no money she is 33 years old and her parents send me money now to do the shopping for her, because all she bought were cigs and alcohol. We I see her she just yells at me and cries and has a tantrum like a two year old. She has been hanging out at a know dealers house and staying the night. I told her parents the situation is not good I can't give her the support she needs, oh and I found her a roommate a British girl who was just moving to Germany so I thought they would be a good pair, but she said no she wants me to live there. I'm not moving back in no way no how. I can't give her the support she requires for coming off of an addiction, I'm just not around, plus my GF doesn't like her because she's always drunk and acting stupid. I told her parents that it's not good for her here and that she found a drug source, and that I can't give her the support she needs. In addition I stated that she needs a real rehab not just a foreign country. I put my 90 days in on the apartment with her and told her she has until dec 1 to get herself straighten out.  Now her parents are texting me saying I promised to be there for there daughter for a year and I have to stay with her and the apartment for a year. Am I mad or are they. If you read all,of this please respond even a yes your mad or a no they are terrible parents. Cheers Drew
7 Responses
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1742220 tn?1331356727
yes, Drew, I believe you are mad.  lol  jk.  but seriously wow!!!!!!  I guess maybe it was a little bit beyond to invite her to move to Germany ???  but still you're back with your gf and she got heavier into drugs than you ever expected.  I don't see as you have any liability or responsibility towards her except that you are a good person and you care.  She's an adult, right?  You are not responsible for her and neither are her parents ... but her parents are FAR more responsible for her than you are, as I see it.  and yes, they are terrible parents.  thats my .02.  good luck.

Meegan
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Avatar universal
Dude, yes you are mad, and I'm not joking. Yes, those parents are horrible but that's not the point. You INVITED a using drug addict into your home and are wondering why you have problems? You need to look into why you would do that. I mean, truly, why. You have some self-evaluation to do.

As far as your current situation, get rid of her. You could come home one day and she'll be dead. Or you'll have 4 guys that want to rob you. Or any number of horrible things. This girl will bleed you dry as she kills herself in the process. And you are allowing it. Tell the parents you are kicking her out. She can go to a shelter. This will go on and on and on as long as YOU allow it. Talk is meaningless. Take action. Good luck to you.
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Avatar universal
She is an adult she needs tough love. ...she has a problem moved to a different country for help and just got worse. ....id leave to thats not what you wanted for your friend......id tell her im moving in with my GF but I will come by to check on you here and there. ITS TIME FOR HER TO GROW UP she didnt even let you know she was coming out to stay with you just showed up........otherwise call your local police department and tell them you are in fear for her safety she is an addict and your worried about her because she is getting in deep. Where I live I call the cops and just say I need to 302 someone they are an addict and suicidal they come out and pick them up take them to a rehab.
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Avatar universal
I realize my stupidity and errors, and yes self evaluation is in the future for me. Thanks for being honest. Also I found out today that her parents are actually 90% or her problem. Daddy abandonment issues and mommy choosing a new husband over her type stuff. So now I'm caught in the middle for trying to be a good friend. The whole situation is just odd, it's almost like they don't want her back, geez can't imagine why. Thanks for the insight.
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4898964 tn?1381257899
Bro, the thing about someone who is in this deep is that they will not change because someone else wants them too.  Not that that is a very motivating factor for someone on substance anyway.  We have to want to change for ourselves...

I really do sympathize with you in this situation, because you meant for the best but had no idea about what drug addiction actually is.  It's not something you can just put down no worries and move on.  It is a depression issue and these things take a lot of working through.  Work that you can't do for your friend, she has to do it for herself...

Set your intention in this instance, don't worry about the how's just set your intention and start doing what you feel is the best for your friend's welfare.  The universe will provide you the how's as you go if you just do what you feel is right...  Possible suggestions...  Call her folks maybe, communicate the situation to them and don't back down when they try to blame you.  This is not your fault, they knew their daughters issues and palmed her off onto you.  They could easily buy her a ticket home it sounds like and pick up their responsibilities...  Failing that this girl is an adult and if her parents don't want her then she's going to have to learn a tough lesson really quickly about being a good enough person that she won't be rejected by others who are trying to care for her...  You can't save her, she has to do that herself.  Don't sacrifice yourself...  I don't envy your position bro, and don't take anything I said previously as gospel.  I'm not there so I don't have the whole picture, they're just random suggestions.  You have to make up your own mind for yourself in this difficult situation.
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Avatar universal
Well I look at it like this, lesson learned, this whole ordeal sucked royaly. But I know one thing is for sure, I'm not shooting up heroin or roxy's anytime soon. I spoke with her today, she seemed in a better place than previous days, but I laid it out for her. Get clean, don't get clean it's all on you. I then told her to prepare herself for having to return to America in the future. But you right she needs to stop and want it for herself. Some peoples rock bottom is a casket!
Thanks for the reply.
Helpful - 0
4898964 tn?1381257899
Sweet, sounds like you've got things under control there.  Sorry if I came off all heavy there before, and you sound like a really good dude bro with your heart in the right place.
Helpful - 0
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