Here.....Again!!

[struggling_college_student]

So after about another year and a half of using I finally hit the bottom......again....this time I got all the way up to 240mg or so of oxy a day plus any other meds I could get.  I'm on day 1 right now and feel like caca....why did I do this to myself yet again?? Wasn't the last time reason enough to stay sober?? I just hate that I'm back here and do the whole WD thing and ugghhhh.....but this site always helped during my wd periods.....good luck everyone

[worried878]

Wishing u the best

getting clean is so much easier than staying clean

make a plan for the future...if u relapse try a different plan or add to your old one

good luck to u and be safe

[kell1977]

wow yr wds sound so much like mine actually excatally the same ... im now 80 days clean of oxys 260 mgs.... but the no sleep i thought i would go crazy i just wanted a gd nite sleep and it came bak after bout 2 wks... i like u prayed 2 god always 2 help me through it ... now i feel fantastic dont even think bout the oxys that were a huge part of my life 4 5yrs.... you r doing awsome... keep it up and no that i was were u r not so long ago ... god bless take care

[feohmoon]

So you are heading to the east coast huh?  My fiance and I are considering heading to California once we graduate next year.  You are absolutely right about removing yourself from a situation because of addiction...it is hard to recover in the same area that you once used...especially if your town is small or if you just know alot of people.  Sounds like you have a great plan and I know you will make it.  Are you going to continue with school in Georgia?  Just curious...college adds another degree of difficulty to recovery (especially for me after all these years away from school).  Mid terms are Thursday and I feel so bad, cannot seem to study...it is stressful because I do not want to ruin my GPA over this addiction...especially after I have already ruined so much.
Best of luck to you - You are doing awesome and I know that your spirituality will carry you far.

[struggling_college_student]

So here it is day 7 now.....a little diarrhea is rearing its ugly head already this morning:(  Anyways the lack of sleep is really getting to me.....at most Ive gotten 2 hrs at a time.  I know itll come back but geez Im inpatient, I feel if I got just one good nights sleep that I would feel 10x better!!!  Anyways more packing today since I have to have everything I want moved to georgia from california over to my parents house by thurs!!  Im getting excited that God has given me this opportunity to start over......I pray that he would return sleep to me as soon as he sees fit!!  I hope everyone is doing as well as can be expected....Good luck and God bless!!

Jeff

[Punkinhead75]

Good job on the 6 days.  Good luck with the move too.  Do you have friends or family there?  Get plugged in to a network when you get there.  Remember, when we move the addict comes with us.  Keep putting the effort required to be clean and you'll be fine.  Good to hear from you and God Bless!!!!!

[struggling_college_student]

Hey everyone.....just a little update.  Its now Day 6 for me and last night I got a total of 4 hrs of sleep(2hrs at a time).  Gosh I was so happy cuz its enough to drive a person mad when youre exhausted but awake at 5am in the morning!!  Well today I have very little energy but am having to pack for my big move to georgia next weds.  Im excited to get away from california and the enablers and dealers that I know here.  I believe thats why I relapse so much is because Ive never truly taken myself out of the harmful situations I keep putting myself in!  So basically most of my withdrawal symptoms are pretty mild now....mainly just lack of energy/motivation, anxiety, and of course sleep.  Im looking forward to truly maintaining sobriety and having a more fulfilling life through my Savior Jesus Christ!  Thanks every one for your support!

Jeff

[feohmoon]

Yesterday was the worst day for me also.  I did not even post because I could not sit in front of the computer...I do not know how to expain how I felt but it was as if I had severe anxiety/nausea/fluttering in my chest and my throat.  I threw up throughout the majority of the day and was so restless I thought I might jump out of my skin.  It had to be the brink of insanity.  Today is better...the normal withdrawals are back and after yesterday, I can tolerate this.
So glad to here you are doing well.  My fiance and I did our fair share of praying yesterday and I believe that is definately an effective method of combatting these symptoms.  You really are doing great and it helps to know that you are going through this too and getting better every minute.

[struggling_college_student]

So I am now on Day 5 of ct and last night was honestly the worst night of my WD so far.  For the most part my RLS is manageable but last night around 3 AM I just started shaking....like seizure shaking.....I had to just kick my legs fujriously and run around and do jumping jacks.  Nothing would ease the pain.....it was excruciating.....I was sooo scared cuz I had never felt anything like this before.....I got into the shower and just got on my knees and prayed....prayed that god would help me thru this hard time....next thing i know i get out of the shower and fell asleep for about 3 hrs!!  Amazing how he answers prayer......this was the first sleep I had gotten since starting this process!!  Thank you Jesus for being here for us and listening.....the sleep was much needed and now I know I can do this!!  Good luck everyone and God Bless!  

Jeff

[Dav125]

Thats typical..I was getting about the same and if I did sleep for maybe 20 minutes or a half hour, the only way I would know I did was if I had a short dream..Today and possibly tommorrow you should be done with the worst of the physical stuff. The sleep crap will continue though....Just keep counting those days..I can see a big reason in your photo's :)

David

[struggling_college_student]

Well I'm on day 4.....still have only sleep about 1.5 hrs total during all this.....no bueno:-(

[Jaybay]

Congratulations on flushing the booze!  My husband tried the alcohol method of detox too.  It wasn't pretty.  He was just a drunk in detox who still couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, couldn't stop the leg kicking and all the rest of it.  Alcohol just made it all worse, and as you very intelligently realized in time - it made him relapse.  Seriously, I applaud you for listening to that little voice of reason!

[feohmoon]

Good for you...that is liberating.  Besides, you would have felt bad from that tomorrow because our bodies recognize alcohol as just another drug and it would have interfered with your progress.
The lack of sleep is brutal, I am suffering from that as well.  Sleep deprivation makes you feel so rough regardless of whether or not you are withdrawing...then it is 100x as rough.
Stay strong, you are doing awesome.

[struggling_college_student]

Oh btw for sum reason I was at the store gettin cigs today and I got this idea in my head that maybe drinking sum liquor will help me sleep....so I buy sum brandy and coke...walk hm get inside and make a drink....took 2 sips and then was like what am I doing this is so dangerous!! If I got drink I would prolly use...so I instantly poured the drink and the rest of the brandy down the toilet!! Geez addicts minds work in such mysterious ways:-(

[struggling_college_student]

So I'm feeling ok right now but just really wishing I could get at least 45min-1hr of sleep!! I really want to sleep for like 24 hrs straight!! Lol yea right!! Well in 2nd 15 min I'll be at 72 hrs without of pill!!

[struggling_college_student]

Hey everyone!! Just a little update....almost thru day 3!! Yippee....not feeling to bad physically except for the insane lack of sleep!! 1 hr since I started wds! I'm so lookin forward to getting clean and STAYING clean this time!  I hope every is well.....good luck and god bless!! Jeff

[gnarly_1]

Hey....dude just roll up on the couch with some soft music playing and lay there with your eyes closed...you can go into deep rest....its not sleep but its probably the closest thing your going to get for the next few days.............Gnarly

[struggling_college_student]

Yay!!! Made it past 48 hrs!  Still haven't slept at all but a hot shower helps me to be able to lay down and close my eyes for a lil bit

[struggling_college_student]

Yeah these pills have a way of getting a hold of us....I took 1 pill thinking it wouldn't hurt but yea now here I am again!!! Hey gizzie about aftercare.....I'm actually moving to Georgia on the 20 of this month....I just have too many connections around here and feel moving to a new area will def help!! I have recommited my life to Christ and fully intend to seek help through a church in that area:-( I'm so sad but excited at the same time for this move

[feohmoon]

Your story is eerily similar - and I am a struggling college student who is ashamed to be here for a second time. (not that there is anything to be ashamed of) - but pills have impacted my life so severely I wonder how I could continue doing something so destructive, that is not typical of my behavior.  But I am not myself at this time as you are not.  This forum is a great outlet and an excellent source of imformation and support.  
This time will be the last time because we all want control of our lives and we will get there one day at a time.  I never realized the power of that phrase.  Are you using vitamins and supplements and doing all you can to help repair your mind and body.  The Thomas Recipe was a lifesaver in detoxing from methadone - along with Natural Calm, CalMag, a healthy diet and exercise along with plenty of water.  My fiance and I also ordered some injectable B-12 and it helped with energy as well.  It sounds simple but it makes a world of difference.
Best of luck and keep posting.

[gizzy32]

Welcome back, I remember you from before. I want to wish you luck and hope you do something different this time to stay clean. The w/ds are the easiest part for an addict, they go away. Stick around this time and keep getting support and hope you look into some type of aftercare this time to STAY clean. Good luck man.

P.S. May I ask what triggered this relapse?

[gnarly_1]

HEY dude just wanted to encourage you to hang in there and keep going with this thing
you got a couple of days yet so work on your attitude a positive attitude goes a long way
in doing this you got the right idea with the hot baths I took several a day when I detoxed
keep up the good work and keep posting for support we all want to see you make it
good luck and God bless....Gnarly  

[struggling_college_student]

Well it's morning time....last night was pretty rough!! I only caught like 15 min of sleep here and there:-( starting to get a little diarrhea too:-( oh well such is the price we addicts pay!  I've been taking a lot of hot baths.  For the past few hrs I have been watching intervention.....god it's amazing what we do to destroy ourselves.....I wish I could go to an inpatient detox!! That would be nice;-) well good luck everyone!!!

[jstntime]

Hi,

You're doing great,

It sounds like you have a good attitude about this and that is good, it helps tremendously.  I always found that the best thing for the anxiety and restlessness was a good book or movie or SOME sort of distraction.  Try and keep your mind busy so you aren't thinking about pills.  

Don't lie around and stare at the clock!!!  You know it will get better, just keep hanging in there until it does.

Wishing you the best and looking forward to you getting through this!!!

bob

[struggling_college_student]

Thanks everyone for the support.....I'm determined to do this but geez I hate these feelings of anxiety, hot then cold, restlessness, and NO SLEEP!!! I got maybe a total of 2 hrs since last night....the hot baths have been helping along with sum benadryl and vitamin supps.  I just wish I could fast forward thru this!! Haha yea right!