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Hey all

Haven't been on for months guys. Some of you probably remember me. I have been on  Suboxone for a year now. Last week my 8 month old grandaugher died of bacterial menangitis. I have never been thru a more difficult time in my life. I was so messed up with this that I got 10 vicodens from my cousin. I didn't care. Been a whole year of being good on the Subs. I took 3 vics then later 2 more. Guess what? Not worth it.Did not get high even though I waited 12 hours. I regret doing it. I still hate those pills.  
Cant't believe I went a whole year and then broke down. But I was in so much distress with losing my baby I didn't care. Won't do it again............Jadelynn was the light of my life and I watched her slowly die at CHOP.
First time in a year I screwed up and got  pills. What a mistake. What a jerk I am.
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Avatar universal
My heart just breaks for you and to be honest I don't know the right words to say.I 'm a grandmother and I can't even begin to imagine your pain.I am just so very sorry for your loss.I truly am.Lifting your family up in prayer......Kim
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Avatar universal
Thank you so much for responding. I appreciate your caring.. It is horrible.
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im soooooooooooo sorry about you losing your granddaughter. my heart goes out to you and your whole family. if you every need to talk please let me know. you are in my prayers.

<3 chrissy
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452063 tn?1324074916
Honey, Welcome back. I am so sorry for your loss. There is nothing that makes a person feel as helpless as watching a child or grandchild die. The last thing you should be doing is punishing yourself for taking those pills. You were strong enough and intelligent enough that in unbearable circumstances you caught the addict in you and didn't let it go any further. I will pray that you have the strength to get you through this difficult time. GBU, Corey
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Avatar universal
You did what you thought was right at the time; I'm sure many of us may have done exactly the same thing.  I wouldn't beat yourself up...you recognize the meds aren't for you and that's good.  Grieving is a very personal experience; we all do what we need to hoping we get through it.

Guy


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Avatar universal
Thanks all for your advice and understanding. Yea I screwed up but it did nothing for me and was a big mistake. Won't do it again. Your support is so much appreciated. Can't believe I went a whole year without wandering, then the death of my grandaughter gave me the attitude that who gives a **** I just need to get thru this. Problem was, the vics did nothing to help me get thru it and I thank god they didn't. Now I know better and will never do that again. Thank you all for responding and trying to help . I needed you guys and there you were.
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