Hi, new question

[Pleasehelpme91]

Hi again everyone. I feel like everyone who has been helping me are angels. Thank you so so so much for your advice If it were not for your help I wouldn't be getting sober. So I have decided to taper and its going well so far. I have been following a strict  taper schedual, and even though i go with W/d I am starting to feel alive and real again!

So 2 questions. I am going to tell my Wife other tonight about my problem, and that I am getting better and that I want her support. How should approach this?

2. Now that I am not high all the time I am having a tremendous amount of anxiety, I think its part of  the w/d. My main concern is that I will be arrested for doctor shopping. I didn't even no it was illegal until I was researching addiction. Am I the only person that's done this hear? Am I going to go to prison? I am so scared someone please help me. I live in Ca I have seen 3 doctors for about 25 total prescriptions over 8 months for hydrocodone and  acouple times for ocycodone. even though I Had legitimate pain its still illegal. and I know I am an addict. And i know I was wrong.I always paid cash and I never got any warnings. I am just so scared  I feel so stupid.I prayed and asked for forgiveness and I am working on getting better, what are my chances of going to prison? What are my chances of getting caught? I have never forged a prescription.

[AnnaE]

I am so glad it is over for you.I think maybe it is harder to overcome the drugs when the person is going through feelings and memories about abuse. But you and the others show it can be done. I would not be surprised that many here have many kinds of abuse issues.

I am very happy that you made it throught it.

[micheleTX]

I guess because there are so many drs. and pharmacies available here.  Most of the time you can choose where you want to go to the pharmacy here in Houston anyway :)

[AnnaE]

Thanks.

I had thought the md visits would cost 250 with no ins. Why would the md refer you to a specific pharmacy?

[micheleTX]

Hi.  Sorry it takes so long to write back, but I can't be on here during the night.  Yes, dr. shopping gets very expensive.  The least amt. I ever paid a 1 dr. was 60 dollars, then the prescriptions (pills and muscle relaxers) were always about 120 total.  That was 2-3 yrs. ago.  Now, most of the drs. here in houston are 80 to 100 per visit, meds have gone sky high, depending which pharmacy they send you to, some are 140 just for 120 pain pills, then the muscle relaxers are about 40-60 for maybe 90 pills.  Needless to say, me and my boyfriend were spending about 250 a week, thats 1000 month, then if we ran out, I have access (had i mean) to buy it right here 2 doors down, at 5 dollars a piece, which we did several times in the past 3 months since the hurricane.  Boy was that a great excuse to abuse drugs there!!!  This place was a mess....nother story.  Alot of these drs. here are legit MDs, who spend time with you, feel your back, etc.  but at least half are the crooks who have the scripts already written out, write your name on them, get ya out the door.  They move around a lot.  Alot of police activity around there, and of course, you have the ppl who hang in the parking lot to see if anyone is gonna sell what they get.  It's a vicious ugly cycle that I am proud to say i'm done with!!!  Hope I answered your question.

[AnnaE]

This is probably a dumb question. I have not Dr. shopped nor been addicted--ironically, however, I was accused of ti, by an irate minor emergency clinic doctor, or asked me if I wasn't in pain management, and I said "What's that?" Thw aitation is funny to me now, but she did not think my question was funny.

Later, I did go into pain management, and every PM doctor I have met in my smaller Texas town is either a crook or someone whojust runs all over his patients. So I put up with the pain and exercise as much as possible. I will have to go see one of these quacks soon, because the pain is getting worse.

Finally, my question--do doctor shoppers pay for these office visits? It seems like their insurance would not pay for a lot of visits? Seems like the costs of the MD visits would be such a financial strain! I guess pharmacy drugs are cheaper that street drugs, but the financial burdens of addiction must be enormous!

Thanks. I am just trying to get a picture of what addicts must be going through. I often volunteer with abuse victims, and of course, many of them have addiction problems.

[lovemypillhead]

haha  about the addiction to medhelp. i love it!

[micheleTX]

Here in Houston they are just now implementing the pharmacy system thing.  What that is from what I understand is they go by the address you use (zip code) and put it in a system so the pharmacies that you use will have that info. and can look it up-if they suspect you are dr. shopping. but so far I have not heard of anyone getting arrested for it.

Everyone I know here and i mean EVERYONE I KNOW, friends, coworkers, acquaintances, about 90 percent of the people that live in my trailer park TAKE THESE MEDS!!  It is on the news quite frequently about these pain clinics.  About a month back, they were showing the news people going in these clinics with their cameras, granted-SOME of these doctors are the fly by night, move around often ones, but most of the ones that I would go to were in office buildings with other medical facilities, nice offices, treating all kinds of other things besides pain management, they seem to be legit doctors, and they would take the time to diagnose your pain, etc...
Whereas, the fly by night ones = the office was packed with dr. shoppers, in an out in 2 minutes, they have their scripts typed out an would (sorry my D is going out on my laptop) grr...they would just hand u a script-either with a pain med, a xanax type drug, an/or somas or other muscle relaxer.  Lots of those have been shut down here.  So in Houston, it is getting really harder to shop around doctors...which is a big reason why I wanted to quit, along with the money of course, and also my boyfriends line of work-they are starting to do hair follicle tests....
so, it's a good time for alot of these drug shoppers to quit this stuff.  The last doctor we went to wanted to see Larrys MRIs first visit, and would not see anyone without an MRI.

Sorry for the book, but I am now addicted to this site....dam addictions LOL

[lovemypillhead]

i have a question just out of curiosity----

ok, dr shopping is illegal right?  

at what point does it become illegal?  at what point does one need to worry? how many dr's in what about of time causes a red flag?  im really just curious if anyone knows if there is something in stone.....

[worried878]

I laways think positively and leave the pat alone..worrying will not help ur recovery and chances are u r fine....u r done and let it go...if it comes up deal with it then but i dont feel like it will unless u seek meds again...that is just my thoughts and they may not mean a hill of beans...good luck  (:

[Kent Summers]

I went to prison for 17 months, but I was forging prescriptions, which is much worse.  And I had such a huge habit (more than 800mg of OxyContin a DAY), that the judge figured I must be dealing them.  That resulted in a stiff sentence, considering I had never had any legal troubles in my life up to that point.

I say come clean with your doctors and you will be fine.  They don't want to see you in trouble, plus it is a hassle for them.  And they would much rather hear it from you than a suspicious pharmacist.

I recently told my doctor that even though I have serious chronic pain that I can no longer take narcotics responsibly.  It was incredibly difficult, and part of me (the addict me) regrets doing it.  But I couldn't keep doing it.

As we say in NA/AA, it is the secrets that make us sick.

Kent

[enemy48]

You sound so precious.

I know the fear of a possible arrest.  It haunted me for so long, and after 11 months, still does.

I did all of the above and worse, so had real reason to fear that cops would show up at my door.

I had a scare a couple of months ago when an investigator left a message on me cell that he was investigating a case and need to speak w/me.  I didn't call him back for days because I just knew I was busted for something I did 9 months ago.  Someone here convinced me to just call him, and it turned out to be nothing!  Whew!

Here in Louisiana you can no longer doctor shop.  The new pharmacy system has been implimented and seems safer to buy off the streets than to doctor shop.  I work w/a girl that should be popped real soon.  Between her and her boyfriend, they see 6 doctors a month and get hydros like candy.  They think that by going to different pharmacies, they won't get caught, but they will now.  

Hang in there man!  You should be alright as long as you haven't been put on the pharmacy watch list.  And even if you were, you're not looking at prison time, maybe just a slap on the hand w/probation.  Cops have far worse cases to deal with.  

Best Wishes!

[lovemypillhead]

Going foward, quit dr shopping and u will be ok.  I would think if they were going to get you they would have by now....or, will the next time u get a script filled.

Hmmmm....you have to tell your wife tonight.

Well, me being a non-addict with an addict....GOOD LUCK WITH THAT!  LOLOLOL.

just kidding...well, sorta.  haha.  ok, for real...it's gonna be rough.

i can tell u this......we appreciate honesty. we really do. as much as it may hurt u to tell her...and as much as you dread it...think of her for a sec.  everyday that you were addicted to pills and not telling her....u were lying to her...in a way. think of it like that.  like the idea that  she has been with u all this time....she wasnt really with "you".  she was with a liar you. she has a right to be married to an addict or not be.  please please please do not take this wrong...im just trying to tell u how she is going to feel after this is all said and done......she will have all this **** going thru her mind.....so i think if u have the ability to put yourself entirely in her shoes....it will be easier.  all u can do is be honest with her....explain to her why u did what you did. explain to her your course of action to get better...

but listen......when your in wd......the worst thing u can do is be mean to her...........for real.  be as nice as u can.  i know wd are horrible and u dont feel like ur self, etc...but, being mean to her or treating her poorly will just irritate her and make her resent you for your addiction.

[PhantomGirl]

Maybe your wife will be relieved that there is a reason behind your "letting her down" behavior.  It's about the pills and not her.  She's got to be scared too, not understanding what you're going through.  Maybe find a support source for her that you can share when you tell her so that she has a place to go to figure things out in her own head.

I was thinking about what attorney I would call if I got arrested, about what I would tell the police, about what my doctors would say/think, how my mom would find out, etc. etc. ETC.  Do you have a specific reason to fear being arrested or just the fact you went to a few docs?  If you've had no indication of anyone even knowing what you were doing, I would say you are at less risk than even I am since there is a watch on me at my pharmacy.  I still get scared thinking someone might be building a case somewhere and when they get it together they'll show up here at my door, maybe on Christmas Eve.  I SO get that fear you are talking about.  You are not alone.  Just be thankful you are taking the right steps now and take it a day at a time.  The further you get from the pills the less these thoughts take over your mind.  I didn't believe my husband when he said that.  I thought he was just being naive (still do sometimes), but as time goes on I'm seeing he was most likely right.  

Stay strong and look for the light at the end of the tunnel.

[Pleasehelpme91]

Hello micheleTX, Thanks so much for your story, it really helps me to calm down to hear these stories. You all are AMAZING.. So I have another question, After taking so many pills per day and especially the last 3 months how is my liver? I am young,(in my 20's) and I never drank while taking the pills, When I think about it I was taking about 5500-6000 Mg's of Tylenol a day for about 3 months. any one know anything about this? Is there anything I can to to help my liver out now that I am not abusing? Should I be worried?

Today I am doing better, I still haven't told my wife,She worked late so I couldn't, but when she gets up I am going to tell her. I feel Ok today, the taper is working well, I have cut my intake in half and I feel Ok. I will keep cutting back every day. I prayed a lot over the last few days and i feel like this tremendous weight has been lifted of my shoulders. Your stories have really helped me to be able to focus on my recovery and not on getting arrested for doctor shopping.

More stories please!! haha Your stories are like zanax to me

[micheleTX]

I've been doctor shopping for about 4 years now.  In total, I probably was going to 9 or so doctors every week, or every other week.  Me and my sig. other were both hooked to hydro and took up to 10/12 each per day, so we had to dr. shop to get them.  When they were a bit cheaper 4 yrs ago, we would get them on the "street" from a friend, but they doubled in price this year and we could no longer afford to get them that way.  We sat here 2 nights ago and figured out how much money we had spent just this past year, and my goodness, we could have had a brand new travel trailer, boat, etc.  It's crazy, that life.  The only time I ever saw anything at these doctors, pharmacies was one time a few months back, a lady was turned down at the pharmacy, the pharmacist told her she had been "red flagged" there, and that he could not fill her script.  Apparently, she had gone to a couple doctors who used the same pharmacy or pharmacy system.  I was embarrassed for her.  That got me thinking what if that happens to me?  I HAVE to quit doing this to myself, and then I got off them for the first time for 14 days, been 10 years good that I have been taking them.  I did it but relapsed.  Now I really feel good about it and I am just doing it.  I hope you can too!!  Keep your head up, don't be paranoid about getting arrested, like the others said, police have bigger fish to fry,...Houston Texas is supposedly the "capital" on pill/pain management control and we have a pill dr. on every corner here.  Most addicts I would see at each and every doctor I went to, the very next week, see them again.
Good luck to you and keep posting.  This place has helped me HEAPS, and the people are really great. :)

[Mercedes175]

Hi, my only comment about telling the wife is that I dont think anyone should be giving advice that she "should" or "if she loves you she will"...noone has that power to predict how another person will handle this situation.  Addiction is YOUR responsibility and atleast for alchohol (my DOC) noone "understood" my issue except for other alchoholics.  You have the correct support system here and I would suggest NA meetings.  Your wife may support you but just like another poster stated..that comes with limits.  They may try to understand but unless they are in your shoes may start blaming you or you may use their reaction to give you more excuses to use.    The issue is behind that pill.  You dont need to live up to other's expectations as they are like emotions..change like the wind.  YOU need to do this whether she supports you or not.  The best defense to opposition or support is living well.

Honesty is a key foundation to recovery but I would not expect any certain reaction from your wife otherwise you fall in the danger of being "conditional" to her reaction.  You need to focus on you.  I would not expect any pats on the back and also don't react if she responds negatively.  It may be a disease but its a disease you can get out through God's help.

Pray about the paranoia..have faith.  Doctor shopping is very hard to prove anyway.  If you legitmately had pain then I can't see any one putting you in jail.  Your doctors prescribed it..if they could determine your additiction they would have been less agreeable to prescribe.  You and you only have to decide if you are abusing the situation.  Unless you are forging scripts and blatantly lieing to doctor after doctor to the point it is fairly obvious may be an issue but that in itself would be so hard to "prove". I think the doctor shopping is mroe a scare technique..just stop doing it. you don't have to tell anyone as I don't believe anyone has to go that far..some doctors prescribe more pain pills for addicts to taper..why tell a pharmacist who is not responsiblie for your recovery..that can only complicate things down the road.

I read where one poster told her pharmacist..who then made her call her doctor..the doctor only recommended her to go back and get more pills to taper as the pharmacist pulled her prescription and demanded the pills back which put the person in instant withdrawal..bad thing to do.

So stick with your  relationship to you.  Stop...invovle your doctor if need be but stop worrying and do this for you.  My only other adivse is to put God first through this...in AA we admit we can't do for anyone or with anyone's help but God can..and He works through boards like this, meetings..and your heart.

[Pleasehelpme91]

It seems like for the past 8 months, all I have done is let down my wife.Its a constant thing and I feel massive guilt over this to. all she ever does for me is care for me and love me and I cant even do little things for her like go on a walk to the park like she so much enjoys. Its a strange life we live in, that pills  can rob you of such important moments in  life, Like a simple walk to the park.

Thanks for telling me your stories about doctor shopping. there really helping me not freak out. I have been preparing my self all day for the cops to come to my door, and then how would I tell my wife and my family etc. How long I would spend in jail. I know it seems crazy but its just the thoughts in my head. but your words are comforting me...thanks you so much.

PhantomGirl, Weird, our stories are similar, thanks for all the advice and thoughts.

seekinghelp2008: tell me, I am here for you.

Every one else: I pray that i can keep you guys writing to me, calming and soothing me. thank you so so much.

[PhantomGirl]

Your story mirrors mine.  I told my husband by saying I had something to tell him that might upset him or make him disappointed in me and I was embarrassed to tell him.  He was very understanding and said he'd work through it with me.  I don't ask for much help so it was very hard for me to even tell him.  I wanted to get through the taper process and then tell him but the reality is that talking to your husband/wife/friends, etc. is part of this process and it was a critical turning point.  

The one challenge that we've now had is this.  After I went a week or so tapering down on the pills, he stopped checking on me so much and I just started taking more (I still cannot tell you why).  Well, I ran out and had to order more and had to tell him why.  He was naturally disappointed, but he also became less supportive (at least in my definition).  He assumed I would have trouble tapering again and suggested we get more professional help and instead of saying "how many pills did you take," etc he would say "you took your 6 pills already didn't you?" and stuff like that.  He just assumed I would not stick to it again and we argued about how fast I wanted to taper (he wanted a slow taper to make sure I didn't crash and want more and I wanted a fast taper).  Anyway, we've had to talk a lot and it hasn't been easy.  I have given him the pills and he's counted the pills that I do have so that he is comfortable. And I'm tapering according to what I feel I can handle. I should have brough him into the day-to-day process from the beginning. That is my only advice.  I 100% believe in myself and know I can do this, but he's on a leap of faith that I have to try to appreciate since he just watched me blow off the first taper I tried.  So think carefully about making a bad decision during your taper because it will affect your relationship and the support you are getting.  But I'm sure I'm not the only one this has happened to and if you fall, just get back up and face forward again.  It's all a process and you have to win the war, not necessarily every battle.

As for the doc shopping, I won't bore you with all the details (unless you want them - actually just search for my posts and you'll get the story), but I've been in that state of fear, panic, and paranoia about being arrested for doctor shopping.  The paranoia was definitely from getting off the Darvocet and Vicodin.  When that was out of my system, I was less paranoid.  But I was a wreck, on the floor in the middle of the night praying harder than ever wondering if the police came on the weekends, at night, etc.  My husband kept telling me I was being paranoid and if I just stopped now I would be fine, that the DEA had bigger fish to fry (I also have never forged scripts and except for one I can logically explain all doc and pharmacy visits).  This has all happened in the last 4 weeks.  I still get freaked out about being vulnerable to being arrested.  But I try to rationalize the fear away and I talk to my husband, who is very sick of hearing about it.  But I'm afraid I'm on some watch list that goes beyond the pharmacy (cuz I'm on one there).  The posts here and some private communication with people here about the pharmacy monitoring systems have made me more comfortable.  Time cannot go fast enough.  I want to put miles between my last narc refill as fast as possible (11/4 was the last one).  So far no police at my door so take a deep breath and realize part of the paranoia is the detox.  

I still have anxiety and expect to have that until I'm done with the taper plus a couple of weeks (I'm tapering off Tramadol now).  I believe it will pass and when I start to fall apart I try to intellectualize the situation versus react emotionally or irrationally.  Or I just cry if I can't do that!

Good luck to you and if you want to talk more, I'm here.  This forum has been a very large part of my learning process and I appreciate everyone on here.  Amazing people who totally get it, are informative, and supportive.  I read these posts every night and it really helps (while I was taking more pills I quit reading here if that tells you anything....).  I wasn't planning on writing again, but your story is so similar I had to post.

Take Care, PG

[CR_ST_NA]

This is not an excuse for you to continue to use, so don't get me wrong, but you are ill. all addicts are sick, we have a disease not a moral or ethical malfunction. i know addiction can make us do some pretty crazy stuff, things we would never do if not sick, but the fact is we are sick. you don't see loved ones getting mad when someone has other disease like cancer or diabetes. i know that since our disease can cause us to do things that are completely out of character that loved ones may have trust issues and that is valid, but i wish there were more compassion about drug addiction. its not like we wake up one day and say " i think i want to be controlled by a narcotic pain killer and start doctor shopping or stealing pills, go through horrible withdrawls and feel like total **** about myself" in my case i didn't even know that i had the disease of drug addiction until i had a major surgery and got prescribed hydrocodone, a pretty heafty amounts of it and the disease just took over. look, i hope your wife is understanding and doesn't get mad, but if she does just remember you did not choose this disease. it's never too late to put the pills down and begin your remission. you will be in my prayers. God Bless You christina

[seekinghelp2008]

I would tell someone if you have someone.  I am recently divorced and have no one.  I used pills to numb myself from a horrible marriage and now I just want to start loving and living and getting back to myself again.  I've done the dr shopping too going from walk in clinic to walk in clinic and hospital to hospital as well as dr to dr over many years I've never been confronted just don't do it anymore.  This site is great w/ everyone's support.  I'm almost through day one.  I realize I have a long way to go

[coldsweats]

#1 one thing for me that helped was telling my husband I had an addiction.  I thought he was going to flip and to my dismay..he has been wonderful.  IF your wife loves you as much as my usband loves me and if you remember that you took a oath to love through sickness ans in health then I have all the faith she will love you and support you regardless.  #2 I have also decided to taper..the w/d quitting cold turkey thing was  just too much for me to handle and I feel it was the best decision for me.  Start taking the vitamins and minerals that are suggested because they do wonders for your body while trying to quit.  I work for a doctor and like what was said by Veyda the only thing that could happen is the doctor will drop you and possibliy send you to pain management....Please don't worry you're going to be fine.  I have faith in myself and in you.   Lets beat this demon! together!!!!  xoxo

[Pleasehelpme91]

Thank you so much for the fast responses. I will try to relax about the doctor shopping. all the comments so far have helped me become more calm. Please every one keep commenting so I can feel even more calm about it.

You are my angels thanks you so much, from the bottom of my heart

No i have never trafficked, all personal use, never any forgeries.

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

The anxiety is totally normal. So is the concern about doctor shopping.  But you are getting a little too amped up about it.  I have been in a federal prison for a coke bust. There was no one there, for the three years that i was there, for doctor shopping.  If an individual were a trafficker (please dont tell me that you were the competition on the US border)  they might possibly be arrested on a charge of convenience - - but they dont want to spend a fortune keeping you in jail for pills..... Too much else to concentrate on.  So chill out and keep concentrsating that energy on your recovery.......you are doing well ...

[corey411]

Hi, Telling your wife is a good idea. I tried to do this wo telling anyone and when I told my sig. other he was mad at first, but has been tremendous support. Trying to do this alone is not the best approach. I didn't believe it when members told me that but learned the hard way. I don't know much about the doctor shopping but if no one has questioned you at the pharmacy or doctors I would not worry about it. Wd will produce alot of anxiety and some parinoia. Try to focus all of your energy on your recovery. Congrats on your decision to change your life. God bless and good luck to you. Corey