help...what goes thru the mind of an opiate addict?

[HollyCat416]

I just need to know what my husband thinks of...or goes through in his mind/body everyday.  I have posted on here before asking about the effects of oxy and percs on the libido.  That has not improved.

Is this normal? He was on percocets for about 2 years, but with a healthy sexual apetite. Even 6 months ago, his sex drive was fine, then suddenly one day, like a light switch, it was gone.  He now, sleeps a lot more than before, he has no motivation for anything...he doesn't eat much, and his temper is really short. He is moody, and of course in denial.  He takes probably 160mg of oxy a day, as well as 40 percocets.  He also takes ativan and valium.  ( I know...it's crazy amounts )

Can someone PLEASE just tell me what he's going through?  What's going on in his mind?  

***I have suggested that he attempt to wean...or get help, but he's not there yet.

Thanks Again Everyone....

[Ramesh140043]

He cannot stand any emotional conflict:

[geeves]

my fiancee just got the "balls" today to tell me it has to stop. period. i know exactly what you are going through by her talking to me. i just stopped wanting to have sex all together. i would act like i was asleep or i was truly sick from not having pills. i will cold turkey. i have used for about 2 years. the last has been heavily in my opinion. i will post my progress as i plan to have day 1 be thursday. i am off friday and i am taking off sunday monday tuesday from work. i DO NOT look forward to day 3."the day of reckoning" i "medicate" about every 12 hours. at that time i fell like crap. if i can make it through day 3 i know anyone can. fell free to contact me anytime. if you really love him, do like my wonderful fiancee did, tell him, its me or the pills. period......they say love conquers all.....we will see!

[imrprod]

You may not be able to help your husband right now if he isn't ready but you can help yourself.  Go to alanon which is a group for spouses of addicts.  They will give you the support and guidance you need.  Your husband is not in control anymore the drugs are.  He still loves and wants you but the drugs are taking over his life.  Ask him to read some of these posts or print them out for him.  Try to talk to him about your feelings and that you want him back.  He is an addict and can't do it alone....maybe if you go to meetings he will follow I have seen it many times before.  If not atleast you will get the support you need.

[HollyCat416]

Thank you ... all of you.  I'm not on this website much, but the few times I have posted, I've received so much support and very useful information.  Good luck to you all and wishes for a healthy happy 2010.

[broknbck]

well yes. so you have been called to be a mother and you like most mothers are a mother first. you are making decisions on what is best for your kids.
my marriage was pretty horrible but we had decided to stay together till the kids were on their own and they all turned out pretty good for it. and then we went our own ways.
i did get started on the pills a year before leaving and yes i was partly taking them because i was so miserable. before that we had decided to just dedicate ourselves to being the best parents we could even though we did not like each other. hah, sounds crazy. but the honesty made it work.

[crohnssux]

I feel exactly what you are going thru only difference is I am the one taking the pills not my husband.  I have been addicted to percocet for about 2 years and have been battling the "demon" for that time, prior to that I only took them when needed now I take them for a need but also for a want.  I look at myself from the outside and it scares me what I have become, I never ever did a drug my entire life then I get hurt at work and there my story begins.  I am able to talk about my addiction to my husband and my mother when I am at a low, is there ever a time he will talk to you about his issues?  Has he ever been sober during your relationship?  If so see if he will talk about what his life was like before the oxycodone.  It helps me to remember me before they entered my life.  I can't speak for him but  from one addict to another I am sure he sees he has a problem, I have been tapering off the drug for a week or so and the withdrawals are terrible but I know there is light at the end of the tunnel.  I know how scary it is for you and for him but believe me all you can do is focus on you and your kids, let him find his out....hang in there..

[HollyCat416]

Thanks for your post...sounds like bumpy roads ahead for this family....if and when he finally wants to make that move.

[HollyCat416]

what's keeping us together?  I suppose my need to fulfill my part of "in sickness and in health".  I'm a "fixer" or as previously diagnosed, a "co-dependent".  Part of me knows what's best for me, but I don't have it in me to leave.  Plus, most important...our kids.  Everytime a celebrity dies of an overdose or lethal combination...( I only say celebrities because that's the only time there is any media focus on these pills ), I wonder how long my husband has to live....I want the kids to have many memories of time with their dad, no matter how clouded it may be him. I don't want to sound morbid or anything....I just often think of the worst outcome.

[HealthySquid]

Awesome post relating the effects of Oxycodone!  Unfortunately, I can relate to everything you said.

Whether the percs are 5mg or 10mg, that combined with the 160mg Oxycontin is an extremely high dose of Oxycodone.  Also, as someone said, the Tylenol contained in the percs is killing his liver very quickly.  The daily limit on Tylenol is 4000mg per day.  He is taking MUCH more than that.

If a doctor is prescribing that amount, you really need to understand why as well as informing the doctor as to the side effects.  If multiple doctors are prescribing that amount then each doctor needs to be told about the other doctor's prescription.  If he is getting them off the streets then only one of 3 things will stop the addiction: death, jail, or a self will to stop.

Until he agrees that he needs to stop, you will have no power over him.  Remember, he is no longer the person that you previously knew.  Everytime you talk with him, the addiction will talk back, not him.

When he agrees to stop, then my suggestion is to find an addiction specialist.  At that high of a dose, it will be very difficult to cold turkey both physically and the much more difficult mental battles.

Lastly, he needs to at least start having his liver monitored.

Good luck!

[HollyCat416]

wow...thanks for your comment.  I had a feeling his whole day was pretty well consumed by the pills, or when he was going to take his next dose.  He actually has some control, as he manages to work and conduct important meetings without taking too many, but the minute he's done, he pops a handful.  So in my eyes, the meetings and work are worth staying straight and sober for, but the wife and kids are not. Were you only on the Oxy for 10 days?  This is going on year number 3 now....just wondering what's in store for our future at this rate.

[broknbck]

sounds like neither one of you are very happy. is there something or someone making you two stay together?

[HollyCat416]

Occassionally he will express casually that he needs to stop, but the minute I give my opinion, or have anything to say about the habit, the war begins.  Letting him see this site, let alone him knowing that I research the addiction or am seeking support would probably drive him ballistic.  I'm walking on eggshells constantly....always have, since he's always been an addict/alcohlic, but moreso lately.  It seems like he's just waiting for me to give him an excuse to fly off the handle.  
Thanks for the info and concern.  Happy New Year.

[jstntime]

Sorry, post to shashton.  Great post though blink, all so very true.

bob

[jstntime]

Pain killers are meant to deaden your senses to pain.  They tend to deaden everything.  They kill sex drive, appetitie, feelings, ambition and eventually the very host themselves.

His habit is large, he needs to stop.  Please tell me those 40 percs don't have tylenol in them.  

He's lucky he can walk let alone have sex.  Your husband was fine 6 mths ago because either his high doses are taking their toll or his habit has grown substantially in those months.  

His habit can't grow much more.  When you are that fogged out, it's easy to forget how many you have taken.  If you are on high doses already it is a recipe for disaster.

Have you been able to get him to check out this site?  Wish you the best with this.    He needs to WANT to stop and that is something you can't provide.  

bob

[blink8682]

I'll give you my short story. I was addicted to Oxycontin for only 10 weeks, and by the 6-7th week I was having a very hard time even getting an erection, let alone maintaining one.

From what I understand, oxycodone -- the active ingredient in Oxycontin and Percocet -- can lower testosterone levels in men.

Whatever the science may be, it aint' no correlation or coincidence -- it's absolute truth that oxycodone consumption leads to lowered libido.

To answer your question specifically, the mind of the opiate is this: Get high, stay high, wait for the next high. This regime basically eliminates any desire to do ANYTHING that would give normal pleasure to people. When I was high, I couldn't care if I was watching the paint dry or if I was at the thrill of the Kentucky Derby --- when you're high, you basically feel the same doing no matter what you're doing.

When I was high, I stopped reading, writing, playing video games, stopped having sex with my girlfriend, stopped watching movies, etc. The only thing I did was basically what your husband does now: sleep, get high, get angry when not high, get un-angry when high.

[blue1969]

I think he really needs a medical evaluation.  He sure is taking quite a few meds - all CNS depressants so no wonder he's lethargic and no appetite for life.  These could also be attributing to or masking some kind of depression.

I am not a Dr but i really would suggest he has a medical review to see if and why he needs all these meds.

I'm sorry to say though, if he does not really want to change this himself it will be so difficult.  It has to be his choice.

I hope that you find answers and all te best for 2010