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How can I overcome my compulsive need to steal painkillers?

I'm 24 and have been compulsively stealing painkillers for almost five years now.  There are times where I've got a handle on it and others when I'm a slave. I have two jobs and a 4 year old daughter. I use them to feel capable. I steal the pills from my mom. She has been understanding but I've lied so many times and been caught that her trust in me is destroyed. I can't go to rehab because of my responsibilities here and the money aspect. Sometimes I think it would be better if I were dead
6 Responses
Avatar universal
Hi, welcome. Well, that all sounds familiar. All of us in the insane grips of our addiction think we might be better off dead. But it's not true. You just need to be sober. There is no "getting a handle on it" when you're an addict.  

Are you beyond sick and tired of this insanity? If so, block all dealers/contacts and tell your mother to lock her pills in a safe. Get all the stuff you need for detox (look up Thomas recipe) and most importantly, get into aftercare asap (meetings.)

Keep posting, we are here for support.
1 Comments
Thanks for the quick response time.  I haven't bought them in years. Also, she's had two safes so far. I've been able to pick the lock on the first and can trick the electric one open. I've gone months without taking them then fallen back into taking 20-30 (she has a script for 90). Even after a childhood friend od'd and died I can't stay away
Avatar universal
Well, she's going to have to come up w/ a way to keep them from you.Maybe a P.O box or something. I don't know. Or you'll have to stay away from her home for a while, since it sounds like she is not keeping you out.  When you work a recovery program, the desire to use goes away. You didn't mention anything about the suggestions in getting clean. Do you want to start to get clean?
1 Comments
I do the same thing- it is a thrill to score going thru someone's medicine cabinet. I tried methadone and havent had pills in months... tapering off now and plan to seek aftercare when im off the methadone. I wish us both luck
Avatar universal
Same here man im 24 as well from Texas i jacked so many pills from medicine cabinets it's shameful. I'm sure someone figured it was me from time to time and that makes me cringe. Anyways are you addicted to any sort of medication or have w/d if you don't use?
1 Comments
Omg i cringe, too-only had one person call me on it. I denied denied denied. Hope they believe.
Avatar universal
In AA our Na any Recovery Program You would have learned to tell the truth and make amends to this person.. Secrets Keep us sick. In Recovery you Learn to Appreciate Honesty.. I Believe your friend would have forgiven you if you were honest and said you were working on it.. If they choose not to forgive you That is their choice. You told the truth This is all that maters for your Recovery.. lesa

1 Comments
Having never done NA.... this admitting our theft is one of the reasons I DONT want to do NA! I dont want to make it worse by telling all my horrible deeds.... just want to move on and not do it again... ive burned enough bridges!
Avatar universal
Ahh, yes stealing my mother's pain killers, I did that many times just like you, picked locks, safes, etc...  My mom caught me a lot of times but I never received consequences because she is an addict like me and enabled me.  I did other drugs of course and drank.  Many of our stories are very similar and I can relate to any addict or alcoholic.  I know the shame, guilt, anxiety, wanting to be dead all of that.  I reached my bottom at 22 years old.  I had no friends, family would not talk to me, flunked out of college, almost died a bunch a times.  I finally reached a point where I stopped making excuses or putting off treatment.  I understand you have a child but not getting treatment will leave your child fatherless.  This is a reality that us young people don't understand.  I have known countless 20 year olds since being sober that are dead now.  I am here to tell you that there is hope and it starts with getting some sort of treatment no matter what.  Doesn't matter if you have a job or a kid, since none of that will matter when your dead.  I dropped everything and went to treatment and did whatever they told me to do.  I believe God kicked me in the *** and gave me this motivation but it was the best decision I have ever made.  I will have 4 years clean on March 5th of this year.  I have my college degree, job where I travel the country, a girlfriend, great relationship with my family, friends, etc.. I'm 26 years old.  All this has happened in under 4 years of being clean.  I busted my *** for it and did what people told me to do.  I did AA, halfway house all of it.  I am not going to lie and say it was easy cause it wasn't but I like to give people my age such as yourself hope that it is possible in your 20s to get sober and stay clean.  I have spoken at teen rehabs to let these kids know it is possible, since most think they can't relate to the 50 year old recovering alcoholic (even though i learned the most from them).  Go to rehab my man, do what they say, go to meetings, get a sponsor, find some sort of spirituality and you will be just fine.  I am not special I am just like you, we have the same story.  Don't do it for your family, your daughter or anybody else.  Do it for you cause you are worth it and you deserve to have a life where you don't think you are better off dead.  I wish you luck! Godbless!
Avatar universal
@Mark42190- Superb post. Just fantastic.
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