How in the world can I do this?

Question

Hi Everyone,
I've been hanging around this place for a few months trying to get the courage to kick this addiction.  I have a very demanding/stressful job that is litterally 24/7.  I started taking 10/500 Lortabs about 4 years ago for what I thought was legitimate pain...at least that is what the doctor told me.  I started taking one pill a day and that lasted about 6 months and noticed that I needed another one and so on.  Actually got up to 5 a day then wound up at a pain management doctor who placed me on a morphine patch.  I LOVED THAT STUFF!  One day I came home from work feeling great when my wife looked at me and said "your skin is yellow."  I knew at that moment I had to get off that stuff.

It took me 2 months but I quit the morphine cold turkey.  I have tried to quit these damn Lortabs but cant seem to.  I went 8 days one time but caved in and took a few to help take the edge off.  I am a very anxious person as it is..guess you would call me a "type A" personality and I find that if I take a half tab it takes the edge off and relaxes me.  I know this is the addiciton part.

I do seem to suffer from some kind of nerve damage/pain in my hands and feet but my doctor cant seem to figure out what is wrong wtih me and keeps giving me the Lortabs.  I currently take 3-4 a day and want off so bad I can taste it.  I also know that one reason I take them is when things at work and home get really crazy these frickin pills seem to make everything better and they seem to clear my head.  I guess I need someone to go through this with me...missery loves company.

What can I do?  How does someone go about getting their life back?  I dont get much support from home and will have to do this by myself.  I've told my wife that I'm addicted but I really believe she is embarassed by me and wont talk about it.  I always though myself as a very strong willed person but these pills have my number.  Any help or recommendations would be greatly appreciated.

Indianalady · Answer

I get tabs prescribed to me as well...luckily I depend on regular ol over the counter pain relief meds..believe it or not, they work better then the lortabs do. I use walmart equate brand pain reliever. They also have them with sleep aid thats non-habit forming. I'm weaning off of mscotin (morphine) and surprisingly am doing a wonderful job of it too. 1/7/07 I was diagnoised with rectal cancer, underwent chemo and 26 of 28 radiation treatments. I was burnt so bad in private areas that I went into the hospital for 5 weeks, I had a pic-line that they were giving me 2mg of dilaudid every 2 hrs and 100mg of mscotin every 8 hrs. My dr is slowly weaning me off the morphine every month. I am now getting 30mg twice a day am/pm. Next month I'll be cut to 30mg am/ 15 in the pm, following month it'll be reduced to 15mg in the am and 15mg in the pm..anyway this has worked realllly well for me and I'll be completely off come Oct 2008. I suggest trying the over the counter meds and see what that will do for you.. it sure has better results for me than the tabs have giving me. Everyone here are/has been in the same boat and from what I've been reading EVERYONE here is getting a HUGE ((( HUG ))) from me! :) Please post or send a private message to me and let me know how it works for U.

broknbck · Answer

yea, i guess you could read that 2 ways.

i mean't that some of us have made our daily routines way too stressful and demanding. that if we have a job that requires us to take a handful of pills everyday to ease the pain that it causes , then it obviously is not the right job for us.

i did not mean that we must be superman to quit. that can be done by everyone. it is that we may have to change the stress causing things in our lives and sometimes unrealistic demands we put on ourselves daily. because that is how a lot us got into this mess in the first place. some people may not have to make these changes. but it sounded like "ocean"  has a pretty full table.

Pill Popper in AL · Answer

i'm glad you came to this site. you will have tons of help with every question you have. and don't be afraid to ask just because you think no one has been there, believe me, you cannot shock or horrify us! LOL many will post and tell you that your post could've been them!!! anyway, as for your support system (wife) don't worry right now about that, you have to be concerned about yourself right now, your life. once you come through on the other side, you can then evaluate that situation, but right now focus on what is going to help you and no one else. i don't know if you have children, but ofcourse, they always come first if you do, but dig in and do as brkbak says write everything down and then start thinking how can you resolve this. good luck and we all look forward to your questions and soon to be victory over pills.
lisa

worried878 · Answer

agree with bandmom...i am so much better than when i look back 5 months ago...it is a mental struggle that we can overcome with strong positive thinking....healthy living and support...if we choose to believe otherwise...we are lost and we will fail....we have control of our lives...we just have to reach out and regain the control

bandnmom · Answer

I beg to differ..sorry. Things do get better. You just have to make the concious effort to do so! It does take alot of hard work but in the end that hard work totally pays off.

broknbck...im sorry if i misunderstood the end of your comment but either way..things can get better..you just have to make them! Good luck to you!!

worried878 · Answer

I told my mom...they tend to ignore it kinda like with alcholism...strange...hard for them to face i think...like WB said...flush em and get it done...no more excuses to urself...or about the doctor continuing to give them 2 u...does he know u have a problem? if he keeps prescribing them against ur will u gotta tell him to quit,,,he may not know u have a problem but u know and it is ur responsibilty to do something about it...if u show up every appt and say you hurt...he will most probably give them to u..if u tell him u r afraid and want another type of non--narcotic pain relief..he can work with u on it...this is a tough thing as i know how u feel as i have a chronic ain problem....tolerence to narcs makes them not feasible for me anymore....the thomas recipe helps...and the fact that u r sick and tired of being sick and tired helps too...keep posting

broknbck · Answer

know where you're at. kept trying myself and couldn't get past day #2.

so you have to plan for this so that when you are done you do not return to them.

make a list of all the times (reasons) when you feel you have to take some pills.
like: can't get through this job, hurts ,too pysically demanding
       feeling anxious (about what?)
       pain in hands and feet (what is causing the pain?)
       need to clear my head (why is it so foggy?)

the dependancy will go away but the reasons won't. you have to address all of them and deal with them a different way than with pills.

i also had a too physically demanding job. well, i quit it. i simply cannot do it. may back is all jacked up. 

you will probably have to make some changes too. these pills enable us to do the impossible and we have to be realistic about our own expectations of ourselves. we are not supermans after all and no one including ourselves should expect us to be. hey do not be afraid to make drastic changes. this drug dependancy could go on forever or until it kills you anyway. and you know it is not going to get any better, only worse.

bandnmom · Answer

Welcome! The first step is admitting that you have a problem and then wanting to change it. You can not win this battle unless you truly want to be rid of these pills. By the sound of it you do and i congratulate you on that. It is not easy and does not happen over nite but it is totally 100% possible. You didnt do this to yourself overnite therefore you cant change it overnight. You have to get rid of every last pill you have. You will feel like you have a bad flu for about a week but i myself started to feel better at about day 5. In the health pages here ;look up the thomas recipe. it has help alot of people here. The physical withdrawls do stink but like i said after about a week you should feel better, its the mental that takes time. Just try to keep yourself busy, by the sounds of it that shouldnt be hard. Try excersise. I would take walks. Even when i was like yeah right i dont want to move, you would be surprised how good you will feel after. When you get bummed watch a funny movie. It makes you laugh and takes your mind off of the pills. Ever see The Money PIt. the part when the bath tub goes threw the floor and his laugh..omg i almost pee my pants everytime. Anyways, you will find things that work for you. Sleep is something i still struggle with and i am 7 months clean. Try Advil PM or something else over the counter. It does help sometimes. One more thing, stick around this forum and post, post, post. It really does help more than you can imagine. Everyone here is so supportive and helpful. We have all been were you are and we know what you are going threw. You dont feel so alone and that makes a big difference in this fight. I have made some truly great friends here. Some that i hope are for life. You will be surprised by this forum...it truly is a godsend. Good luck to you and if you ever need anything please ask for the help. That is what we are all here for.

wannabefree330 · Answer

Well, first of all welcome and congratulations on finally posting!  It takes a lot of courage to finally reach out for help, and that's why we are all here....to help eachother.  We have been where you are and you are not alone!  Once you finally decide you've had enough, get rid of every lortab pill you have.  Flush them down the toilet.  You will have some physical discomfort for about a week.  The mental part is going to take some time, it comes back little by little.  You will feel anxious, and depressed and this is all a normal part of getting sober.  Try to get to an AA/NA meeting, frequently post your questions here, talk with others who have been there.  Life as you once knew it is no longer possible.  Drugs and addiction change your life forever.  You will need to learn how to live again.....without the drugs.  It can be done, and many people on here have done it successfully.  So can you!  Learning how to accept the things in your life you can not change, and asking God for the courage to change what you can is something I remind myself every day.  Personal will has nothing to do with getting and staying sober.  This will require attention every single day, but once you are free....life is a beautiful thing!