How to support partner with addiction

[Seekingadviceaboutpartner]

Hello,

My long term partner has had addiction to prescription pain and anxiety medication since early this year. He then sought help and tapered down. He relapsed a few weeks ago and has been taking oxy, cocain, Xanax daily at very high doses. He is taking more drugs and higher doses than earlier this year. He has no access to the drugs now and is only on small dose of diazepam whilst we wait for rehab appointment. He is experiencing opiate and cocain withdrawal currently, particularly depression and sucicidal ideation (though assessed by hospital as being ok to just ride it out at home).

I just want some advice on how best to support him, how to ease his withdrawal, should I be with him 24/7, what signs I should look for to know when he needs urgent medical care. His parents are also visiting and I am not sure if I should tell them.

[dominosarah]

Until he is ready to stop there is nothing you can do to make him.  The only thing you can do is take care of you now.  Does your money go into the same account?  If so i would be changing that right away.  Personal items worth value should be locked up with only you holding the key.  As addicts we will do whatever it takes to get our drugs.  Alanon is a great organization for someone who is in your situation.  You will find support and ways to deal and not deal with your partner during their using.  The last thing you want to do is enable them.

[Seekingadviceaboutpartner]

Thanks for your comment. We have separate finances and I have reached out to a support group.

Over the last week, I have expressed that I cannot continue the relationship if he doesn't want to change. He was hesitant at first but after some thought he said that he was ready and, I believed him. I don't know if he truely means it but I do feel the intention is there and he has never got to this point before.

Since then, he has been taking substantially less and is engaged with rehab to work out tapering plan. He is taking 20mg oxy and 10mg diazepam.  I feel concerned because he seems quite normal, I thought given the massive reduction, he should be exhibiting some type of withdrawal??? Last time he had engaged with a tapering plan earlier in year, ever time he went down by 2mg he was confused, tired, disoriented for a few days after. But this time he seems ok? Is this normal??

How will I ever know if he is telling the truth or not?

[dominosarah]

How much Xanax was he taking?  He went cold turkey off them?

[Seekingadviceaboutpartner]

He was taking a lot of Xanax, I think about 13mg? He last took that dose Monday, had 6mg of diazepam Tuesday, 10mg diazepam Wednesday when he was in hospital and the he got hold of his supply and took some Xanax, not sure how much. The advice from his rehab worker was to just stop now, he probably over worse of withdrawal. But just yesterday he relapsed again and took 7mg Xanax, cocaine and ketamine.

I don’t know what I should be doing. I don’t think he is true,t ready to get help. Should I be trying to stop him or just let him do what he wants? He is spirally out of control and he is going to lose everything.

[backhurtz]

You should obviously tell his family. Withdrawal isn't life threatening. It is like a severe case of the flu. Gatorade to maintain electrolytes, some imodium to ease diarrhea, and hot showers or baths to ease muscle aches.

[Seekingadviceaboutpartner]

Thanks. I told his family not long after posting. They took it quite well. I worry though how we can love him without enabling him. He has a good support network, with a lot of love and support and no one is prepared to give up on him. I worry that this might prevent him from ‘hitting rock bottom’ to the point he doesn’t truly feel the consequences