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I NEED HELP TO HANDLE MY BOYFRIEND'S VICODIN ADDICTION ! PLEASE CAN SOMEBODY HELP ME AND ADVISE ME?

Anyone who will listen:  


I find this webside just searching the name " Vicodin" ( people should call poison , take lifes away vicodin) in google... I am sorry if i write little mad or angry or sad, nobody knows about this situation just me and my boyfriend.... I decided to post a question because i feel i am very confuse and i don't want to do anything wrong that can hurt my boyfriend ...
we are leaving together temporary , i really don't know when i am moving out but he is really great person and an amazing man that wants a better future for me in whatever i do, thats him the real him..... He is addicted to vicodin , we have almost 3 years we know each other and as couple maybe 2 years 6 months ,he told me he been doing vicodin before i came into his life but just for fun, 2 here ,2 there, 4 there who knows really, i was not there to tell... i always asked myself omggg he have so much energy to do everything, go work,go out and party , friends, sex , i don't know superman i guess..... ( it is not funny for me believe me, this hurts lots) so months goes by and days and sometimes he was moody ,sometimes happy ,sometime sad i don't know he was really up and down for personal reasons or missing family or ex girlfriend or me , i felt really bad bz i did not know what happened to him anyways the thing is that we had a really hard time maybe 6 months fighting  for things from the past ... he start a new job , big responsibilities , big change ,big time so he said now to me around that time he start getting more and more and more addictive to vicodin , sometimes i feel he make me guilty of alot his addiction  but at the same time blame his career or bills  so i am in a point that have to think is because everything is just not me or is just a excuse to make him feel better that i totally understand ..... the problem is that he been trying to let the pills but he goes back he told me is bz the withdrawal effects , so this time i think he really is quitting and available to let that poison in the past i really see him very determinate so i believe in him and have faith and trust... He started de detox 2 days a go and took off one week from work to do this, of course i have the best intentions and the love to do anything to help him but the problem is that took me by surprise  even knowing that i was getting ready for this week and knowing how he will feel .... the day before everything was going great , we being doing fine and he seems "happy " and letting me know he loves me and good things will happen to us , next night he start acting like if he wanted to tell me something or not comfortable  i don't know , so i did not get it , i asked him what happened ? and he told me i just start my detox....really???? jesus crist i just wanted to be ready and i was shock i got nervous so next day he was ok , we saw a program in the tv i really hate and goes against  to my culture , was about death and i got upset so he was just thinking that was funny ,anyways i am telling you this because from here start the problem... after that he just went withdrawals and he gave me the medicine help him to get through the side effects .... My boyfriend is a doctor and i know he knows what to use for ditox but i dont know about that and i have all day searching for the name of the medicines i got from him to wacth them so he got a medice for pain he told me is like stronger than tylenol , he got nauseas medicine , another for anxiety medication, and another for sleep at night and of coure vicodin bz he said sometime he may need the half  or one i am not sure about that , i am ignorant in that i thought i know and i did not know anything about vicodin and the way make your life hell.... so he been very very moody, depress i think , he dont want to do anything and of course i understand that ... i am very sad and heart broken to see him like that , i am here to help him to get out of this to talk to him because he is not receiving any kind of therapy to say how he feels ,he is very close in that , he think is not necessary i guess but i know it is ,i know that, i feel he need to talk w a professional or something bz is part of his rehabilitation not? i think is important!    He is very arrogant , bad mood, don't talk to me, just few words , he told me that i don't understand him and he thought i will do it but i just get emotional about it... i feel terrible i am not going to lie , this is really hard, i live with him i see him everyday  , i wish i can take so much pain from him but i cant because he don't let me get into his world, he ignore me most of the time and i know he feel bad for doing that... i feel he hates to be like that but he cant even say anything about it, what should i do? i cook and clean so he don't have to feel bad around him anyways i always do all that, i make his breakfast and dinner or lunch and te and everything he needs but is not enough  to make him feel i am here for him... i am in the office right now and he is watching tv in the room upstairs and i am broke inside i can imaging how he is feeling right now =( ...
i feel like he hate me right now and i know i dont have to take it personal but is hard , nobody knows because he dont want to tell nobody so i cant tell his family and i really think is a bad idea right now trust me , they will say is bz me that he got into all this because they are that type, i respect them but they make a big deal about everything of everything i dont want he feels worse, they really dont understand why he is leaving w somebosy but i guess everybody is different and i have to respect cultures ... BUT if one day he decide to tell the i will support him not matter what, i think family is very important but he knows best why he don't tell them , anyways i hope they can get the chance to understand one day if my boyfriend let them know....  I am sorry if this is more than a question , i feel i really needed to talk to somebody about this, u must think i am crazy but the moment i saw your comments i felt i was not alone, i would like my boyfriend read all this comments so he can feel better and no by himself ...... is somebody coming through something similar? please advise me, i want to see him happy and motivated and own his life how he just to , i want he be available to enjoy the small but beautiful things in life, enjoy the beach, the park, his job, his family ,friends and me , whatever he wants but i am deeply sad to know he is having one of the worse times of his life....... I really want to help him and make that anger go away but i don't know how ,i really don't know how to act in front of him because i don't know what is he thinking , i feel i don't want to bother him so i try to don't even talk to him but at the same time i don't want he feels i am let in him down ;( ....       Can somebody help me or at lease tell me if u having the same experience or had.... how can i make everything better for him?    thank u guys and i hope whatever your addiction is you can get of of this and get your life back, you guys can do whatever you want and i feel bless to find this webside so i can see is more people out there fighting and trying to be better for them and for them families, all my respect and love to all of you....... hopeinyou.......
15 Responses
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Avatar universal
my boyfrined is going through same thing. telling me he wants to stop but can't. Should I walk away and tell him call  me after he proves he is getting help?
Helpful - 1
Avatar universal
I have moved my neice in with me from FL I knew she had a problem with vicidon but I thought if I kept mine locked up I could help her get through her addiction. She started out pretty good at first then she found a way into my padlocked zipped bag so we talked about it and we started over I moved my pill to a metal locked box and about 3 weeks went by and I'll be damned if she didnt find a way to pick the lock on it. I was hurt, angry, dissapointed alot of things ran through my mindshe said she knew that by stealing them from me was hurting me but she thought she need them more. Well I actually do need them but I flushed the last few I had down the toilet and told her I would no longer be keeping any in the house. Well she is on about the 4th day of not having any and the withdrawls have really set in the voimiting and all I know it is hard on her but she said she truley wants to quit. So now I need to know how long will they last and is there anything I can do to help her through them.She has a five month old son and want to stop How can I help her more
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I tried helping my bf for several years tried everything i could i finally gave up i thought i was doin the right thing until reading your post im so confused i feel like i have betrayed him and have not showed him how much i really love him by making him leave he to is a wonderful man has taken care of my kid that are not his for the last 5 years but his addiction started getting worse hundreds of dollars a week sneakin lieing stealing he would do anything for a pill i just couldnt do it anymore how arre you guys hanging in with them it has so emotionally damaged me and my kids i have been put on antidepresents i just couldnt do it anymore how are yous doin it?   I love him so much and so do my kids they beg him everytime they see him to stop so he can come home we miss him so much .



DO YOUS THINK I DID THE RIGHT THING!!!!!!!
I will greatly appreciate your advise.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
My email is ***@****. i would like and email state if you and your boyfriend made it through this. I too have a boyfriend thats really addicted to these things. Sometimes i feel like leaving and then again im pregant with his daughter. I would like to know what can be done for withdraws as  well. Deep down he is really a good man too. He started the same way as your boyfriend did, with two or three at a time. I honestly dont think hes being quite honest with me on how many he is actually taking givin the fact that he knows we will agrue about it. He feels that im attacking him all the time about these things when all i want for him is to not slowly kill himself which is what im watching him do everyday. Hopefully this time he will quit for sure.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I'm new to the forum but not to addiction. I saw your emotional post and wanted to chime in and offer you some experience that may offer some solace and will make you think. I have been where your boyfriend is and also where your at and i can tell you that things can get better. Like another poster wisely said, you cannot force, coax or sweet talk someone to get sober. And you cannot be held accountable for them or their situation. The choices that your boyfriend made got him where he is. Despite being a part of his life, it was not you that handed him the pills. It was not you that told him to take more than prescribed. You know where i'm going with this.
The common demonimator in addiction is overinflated ego and pride. It will drive rational thoughts away and seek to maintain control over a uncontrollable situation, creating turmoil and emotional distress. Most addicts. and he is and addict, have the illusion that they will be able to stop by themselves to preserve their reputation, as in this instance where he is a doctor trying to keep the monkey in the closet. He has know idea the effect his behavior is having on you and those around him. The simple fact that he is "trying to handle this himself" is a incredibly selfish thing to do without regard for how you or anyone else feels about it. I'm sure that if he had professional help and you knew that he was in good hands you would feel tremendously better about the situation.
You have been given some good advice here. Another poster said that there is a fine line between help and enabling. The hard decision for you to make is not going to be trying to figure out how to help your boyfriend. The hard decision for you is will you be able to understand when you need to be worried more about you than him and if you can make the right choice for you. Knowingly or unknowingly he will try to make the situation more beneficial for him at your expense as well as others around him, as pure as his intent is to kick this. I'm sure you can think of situations that would fall into that category right now, IF you are honest with yourself. I don't know your boyfriend but i know addiction and what it is capable of. The narcotics are but a symptom. If you want to maintain this relationship and not give up a fundamental part of yourself in the process then you need to get educated about what you are dealing with here. You may consider moving out until he gets through detox. You have to be strong. If you want to help him this is a way to make it more uncomfortable for him to continue this behavior. He NEEDS consequences for his actions. You stating that you want a relationship free of drugs will tell him that he needs to make a choice. Any other action on your part that allows him to continue to attempt cold turkey is enabling him. I have never seen anyone get themselves off of opiates and stay off without outside help. This seems a bit hard edged and my intent is to really help you, not your boyfriend, by giving you a perspective that you don't have. Thats no fault of yours. Be supportive of his efforts to get clean but question his methods. Remember that he is sick and may not be thinking coherently. He will throw excuses at you when he can't follow through with detox. He's smart. He will use that to confuse you. Be wary. He is not actively trying to be untruthful, it is the nature of addiction. These are the hard facts as i have experienced them. I hope the best for both of you. Hopefully i have planted a few seeds that may help you down the road. You have to protect yourself. You likely will not heed anything i have said but if you honestly look at what is going on with you and your boyfriend then some of what i said will make sense. Unfortunately there are no quick fixes. You can't fix him, no matter how hard you try. He has to get into enough pain to want to make a change, and as bad as things are now they will get worse if he doesn't ask for help. He says he wants to quit but he hasn't yet so you need to question that. I truelly feel for you and what you are going through. Ask a lot of questions here. There are some good folks here and you will get some good answers.
I'll say a prayer for both of you. Good luck.
Helpful - 0
1406964 tn?1283203866
Hi,

That really is good news!

Perhaps if he reads other peoples posts, especially the success stories, he may just feel inspired to accept his own problem. It also lets him know that there is plenty help out here should he choose to use it.

A first step in the right direction. Well done.

Take care
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
PAttifan: that's exactly what I am going to do;) I told him about this forum and yesterday he was reading other people experiences ;) I hope this can be in some way a therapy for him!....
Helpful - 0
1406964 tn?1283203866
When you get angry and mad at him, just let it flow over your head.

Then get back on the forum and scream, shout and swear at us- we can take it!

Take care
Helpful - 0
617347 tn?1331293081
Welcome to the forum,

yes, this is the right forum, helpus....but this is also another member's thread so it would be better if you start a thread and post your info there , ok ? :)
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I have posted this on another forum but im not sure if it was the right one so i am gonna post it here aswell. I need some advise on what to do i have several loved ones addicted to perscription drugs and im about to go crazy i just dont know what to do. If this is the right forum will someone let me know and i will explain my situation more clearly. Please and thank you.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
THANK U VERY MUCH TO ALL OF YOU.... I feel much better knowing that my boyfriend and me are not alone in this.... @ Pattifan: Thank u for your kindness and support , i know he wants to gett of of the vicodin , i know he is having a very hard time like most of the people in this forum , i believe in him and i will support him to the end... Thank u guys for your words, this forum is the best therapy somebody in this kind of situation can have.... Sometimes i feel angry and mad when he talks to me and i have to come to a place with myself to be able to control my emotions because i really don't hate him or want to be rude to him , i know i can't take whatever he said personal but is very hard to confront his words or his body language ... I love him so much and i think i feel mad because i know i cant help him the way i want because he is the only one that will decide the way to get better, i would like to do million things but i know i have to back off and give him time and space ... Thank you for your advise guys , u really help me..... love and positive energy to all of you =)
Helpful - 0
1406964 tn?1283203866
Firstly you need to look after you. This is all very distressing for you and you mustn't let it eat away at you. Make sure you're eating drinking, sleeping and exercising properly, and set aside a bit of time each day for something you really enjoy. Only by keeping yourself physically and emotionally healthy will you be able to support your partner.

In rock-climbing, if we attempt a difficult new climb, we identify 'Islands of Safety', flat stable areas we can retreat to if things go wrong. You now need to identify your 'Islands of Safety'.
They might be parks or beaches that you can take a walk to to let your mind rest. It might be a friends house you go to for tea and sympathy. You will know what is right for you.

Your partner has an illness, no more, no less; and as with any other illness it may make him depressed, angry, withdrawn, tired or any one of many others symptoms. None of these are because of you or directed at you, and nothing he says or does should be taken personally.

Don't nag, try to persuade or threaten him as he will travel in the opposite direction. If he says hurtful things, don't respond to them, that will only inflame things. If he needs personal space in his room, then leave him be.

You can help him by doing simple things, encouraging him to eat and drink properly. Plenty of cold fresh water is good and so is fresh orange juice.  Tell him that you are always there to listen to his problems but don't pressure him to talk.

There are also simple things you can do to engage with him. Tell him you're going for a walk because it's such a beautiful day and ask if he wants to join you. Don't be upset if he says no because eventually he'll say yes.  You could put on his favourite movie then ask if he wants to come and watch it with you. Leave your computer on, at a vicodin thread on medhelp, preferably a success story. He may become curious and want to read about it.

In the end he will probably ask for your help, or perhaps he'll ask a doctor for help but it needs to be his own decision.

He can get off vicodin successfully. People on here do it all the time. But he must want it. and he must want it for himself and not for you or else he'll fail.

I feel for your pain, and I know that there's little you can do, but I hope the suggestions above can help you out.

Take care.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Agreed, an addict (such as me) will often blame others in the early days, the fact of the matter its 100% their fault theyre addicted. Fine it may be down to someone else they first used, but thats by the by. You need to wanr him about masking and replacement addiction. This is basically where you get so out of it on other drugs you dont feel the withdrawls on the one you came off, however, as is fairly obvious, he could end up getting hooked on the other stuff. Im guessing for 'anxiety, nausea and sleep, he must be taking Benzos, Diazepam, CLonazepam, Mogadon, Temazapam. These are also highly addictive, and phyiscally can be fatal in withdrawl, as opposed to vicadin which is just exceptionally uncomfortable.
Helpful - 0
617347 tn?1331293081
HI welcome to the forum

I'm really sorry you are going through all this...your boyfriend is an addict and it is not your fault, of course. Nobody can say it is because of you and blame you, be sure of this...we are all responsible of taking care of our own actions at. Being him a doctor, i am sure he knows about what to expect after quitting the pills, the bad side of this is that he will think that ke knows it all and he will think that he can do it alone. Getting clean is not as hard as staying clean, this is where we all better ask for help....Na meetings, therapy, counseling...You could tell him to join the forum to find support for him through all this process tough. He knows he has a problem, he is a doctor, he is trying to get clean and he is feeling like crap right now so his emotions go along... don't feel bad, pls, there is nothing you can say now to make him feeling better....after the worst week of wds is past, our emotions are still all messed up so you will see him again moody, emotional, without motivation or energy.....and he will need a lot of time  and work to heal from the damage done to his body, his mind and even his soul... it is a rollercoastal ride for all of us so be ready to what's coming.

maybe you could attend some meetings for family and loved ones of addicts, alanon, they are people who know what you are going through now, you don't have to feel so alone. And be sure that the only person who can save an addict is the addict him/herself so if you see that he keeps using, then it will be maybe the time to save yourself too, you are the one to decide this but take care of yourself too.

keep posting here if you feel better doing it, we will be here trying to help you, ok ? good luck and all my best :)
Helpful - 0
1167108 tn?1328439313
Welcome to this site. My short answer is that you can not help anyone who does not want to be helped. In order for this to happen they have to hit bottom. I had a similar experience with my nephew. I drove to Florida to pick hom up after he was released from jail. He spent 10 days with me and he has learened very little from this experience. His attitude is similar top your boyfriend's as he blames his problems on others. I tried several things but have left it up to him as he has to maje the decision. When he does I will be there to help him but now I can be of no further help to him. This was tough but necesssary.

There is a fine line between enabling and helping. Enabling only makes things worse. Your boyfriend needs some tough love and maybe that will wake him up t the fact that he has a problem. He is the problem and you     are not.

Helpful - 0
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