I am an addict

[KristiBelle]

I only just admitted this to myself like Tuesday a week ago. I LOVE 30's. I'm almost 38 and been around drugs all my adult life and never got hooked on **** til these damn 30's. I got so much **** going on I don't even know what to say or what not to. I haven't done one since Friday, so I guess I'm 4 days in. I'm really not even trying to count. I haven't even been on them all that long but I must have the tolerance of an elephant or some **** because I just want more and more and more. I would guess around the holiday's last year was when I really got going. I've been a casual user of everything forever but these are a *****! I never thought I would be such a mess. I guess I'm kinda addicted to a guy, too. He finally left last weekend. Maybe at least he was smart enough to know we had to get away from each other because all we do anymore is get high...or try to get high, mostly just not be sick. I know I'm rambling but I'm a freakin mess and I don't have anyone to talk to and haven't slept for **** in days. I saw my guy today. He's doing good. He's a few days ahead of me. Really seeing him just made me want to get high. I don't really feel too bad physically, my stomach is kind of a mess but my nerves are a wreck! I hate everyone but I hate being by myself. I don't know where to go except sit in the house by myself because I don't trust myself not to get out and chase down a pill. **** a pill. I'm tired of this ****.  

[clean_in_ks]

Kristi....MAKE yourself get out of bed....take a shower....go for a walk around "your circle"....two times...lol.....feel the sunshine on your face...get some fresh air.....drink some water and eat some kind of protein...your brain needs the protein and your body REALLY needs the water.

PERSEVERE:  to continue in a course of action even in the face of difficulty

Isn't that what you brand new tat says?  Force yourself....you will feel SO much better....our bodies believe everything our brain tells them~

[KristiBelle]

I am having such a bad day, I mean terrible. I felt so good yesterday and I feel like 10 pounds of sh*t in a 5 pound bag today. I'm so depressed I don't want to get out of bed. It is 2 in the afternoon here and I'm still in bed smoking my 20th cigarette of the day. I've called a couple people and talked to pass some time but I just can't get out of this damn funk I woke up in. The funk in making me wanna do the bad thing...I need some help my new friends.

[KristiBelle]

Thanks so much for cheering for me! This board has been a lifeline for me these last few days, I have never found kinder or more helpful people than I have here. I do feel so much better right now than when I made a lot of those posts. I like to reread it a couple times a day just to see how much better I am already. I'm not getting cocky I know I got a long way to go but I am awful proud of myself today.

[KristiBelle]

So, I did it...I went and got my tat today. I got Persevere on the inside of my right forearm to remind myself to keep strong no matter how hard it is. I love it! I posted a picture of it and a couple pics of me and my girl for you VIC. They're all the wrong way but I don't know how to fix them...Hey I got them there haha

[VICourageous]

Hi again, I still just love that name. One day you should put some pics in..lol
I agree with the above about not saying anything right now. You need to work on You because staying clean is when the hard work starts.I would however tell or teach her all you can about the Disease of Addiction later when she is a bit older, so she can be more aware of it as she grows up and she might have friends that will use..This way she can make a choice to stay around clean people and tell her friends how damaging the Drugs and Booze can be. Try to find all the info you can and buy some videos for her to watch someday. I sure do wish you the best and I think you are doing a awesome Job right now. If you want to go into my Journal I put a couple of information I got from a few areas about this disease. I got CNK going on it and she has found some great Web sites too. Check it all out it will be worth it. Of course our CNK is always coming up with great info on any of this. So if you need to know more just PM us.
Bless

[EvolverU]

Hey there Cristibelle! Congratulations & a Hi Five to you on your 1st week clean. Fabulous Job! I just wanted to let you know that I've been watching your thread & you're doing an outstanding job. I can't tell you how different you sound from a week ago. (Great work not caving that night you were so miserable w/ your BF telling you that, btw.)

Also, this thread is a thing of beauty. You got some wonderful support. So, I just wanted to tell all the posters what a great job they're all doing. I tip my hat to each & every one of you, my friends! Christibelle, keep it up. You're doing it!