I am an addict

[KristiBelle]

I only just admitted this to myself like Tuesday a week ago. I LOVE 30's. I'm almost 38 and been around drugs all my adult life and never got hooked on **** til these damn 30's. I got so much **** going on I don't even know what to say or what not to. I haven't done one since Friday, so I guess I'm 4 days in. I'm really not even trying to count. I haven't even been on them all that long but I must have the tolerance of an elephant or some **** because I just want more and more and more. I would guess around the holiday's last year was when I really got going. I've been a casual user of everything forever but these are a *****! I never thought I would be such a mess. I guess I'm kinda addicted to a guy, too. He finally left last weekend. Maybe at least he was smart enough to know we had to get away from each other because all we do anymore is get high...or try to get high, mostly just not be sick. I know I'm rambling but I'm a freakin mess and I don't have anyone to talk to and haven't slept for **** in days. I saw my guy today. He's doing good. He's a few days ahead of me. Really seeing him just made me want to get high. I don't really feel too bad physically, my stomach is kind of a mess but my nerves are a wreck! I hate everyone but I hate being by myself. I don't know where to go except sit in the house by myself because I don't trust myself not to get out and chase down a pill. **** a pill. I'm tired of this ****.  

[tryingtocope39]

Congrats on 1 week, that's huge! Go you!
Since you asked, I will offer my opinion on telling your daughter. I personally, would not. Not @ this point. When she's older & has a better understanding of the world, & you have some serious clean time under your belt, like years, then maybe. For now, IMO, she's too young to really understand.
Keep up the good work. Now comes the hard part...staying clean. Stay busy & be good to yourself. You will do great! Congrats, again!

[nursegirl6572]

She just thinks he makes me crazy and that's the reason mom goes off the deep end every once in a while.

She would be right!  From what you said!  I think kids pick up on a lot more than we give them credit for.  As for telling your daughter more info about what's going on, I don't know that I would agree with that.  The others would probably have better insight on that, as they have gone through similar with their kids, and probably seen the good and the bad that may result from being honest.  She's at an iffy age too.

You're doing great and have a great attitude, keep plugging along!

[KristiBelle]

I never considered that could have been the reason for her reaction. I really don't think she has any idea about the drugs. I think I have successfully hidden that from her so far.She just doesn't like him much in general. She just thinks he makes me crazy and that's the reason mom goes off the deep end every once in a while. She is not interested in him coming back home at all though. Maybe she knows more than I think. I have thought about just fessin' up to her but she's just short of 14 and I'm not sure how good of an idea it would be to put something else on her. She sure has dealt with a lot already in her short lifetime.What are your thoughts on this? I would appreciate anyone else's input as well.

[KristiBelle]

I'm doing pretty good today. I got out of the house and paid some bills and went out to lunch all by myself. That was the first time I had ever done that in my whole entire life. One of my biggest fears is being alone. I hate it and it petrifies me. But I think the new me is going to try to change that, too.

Considering going and getting a new tattoo tonight to treat myself for ONE WHOLE BIG WEEK SOBER! If I can get it done and I can figure out how to post a pic I will. Thanks for checking up on me. Hope you're having a great day :)

[nursegirl6572]

You know what???  Your daughter is actually a smart cookie!  From it sounds like, she recognizes that this guy is trouble for you to be around, and you going on and on about being proud of you helping him probably made her irritated.  She's smart to have that reaction.  It was appropriate.  Then you wigged out on her.

Other than that (I still think you've got to be careful there)...you're doing amazing,.  Go apologize to your daughter and tell her if she has an issue with something, to discuss it with you respectfully, and YOU will do the same.  Right?

Go girl!!  :0)

[elatedexaddict13]

How are you doing today? Hope great... every day will get better and better!! And what you're going through is what we all went through at first... a little agro, a little short fuse, but every day that passes, you can control it better and better as you get to 'find' yourself once again. That wonderful person inside will emerge before you know it!!!