I can't do this

[Avalancheblanche]

This is my worst night. ( I cant spell, sorry.)  I want to know why this happens to us.  Why?  Someone needs to tell me that it is going to be ok.  I feel like I can't do this.  

[LQQKThrewU]

I just wrote a funny true story for you in hopes to lighten your spirit a bit. It is dropping down the list fast so I wanted to let you know. Took me long to type had to break some.

[zzzaaaccckkk]

you a stranger help me. My wife wisdom is simple and it has never ever failed me every
thing always works out. She has never been wrong. Though in r circumstances a little help is needed   and that is why these wonderful people have listened. And helped. U helped me this  morning please fight on.

[road2recovery]

i understand how you feel, how much are you taking??  i hope you know that you cannot go through w/d's while pregnant, it could be of great danger to the baby....you need to call your ob again and talk with them, and come up with a plan...
keep posting we are here to help you
r2r

[enemy48]

Finish your profile & make a new post.  Ask the question that you did on this thread.

People to help you will find you quicker.

Your Friend.

[Avalancheblanche]

I did not get help.  I feel you should.  I know that you probably cannot stop on your own, but, the fact that you know that you have to is so good.  Please call your O.B. back.  Tell him/her that you have not received help even at a pain clinic.  Do this for your baby.  You have to be your own advocate.  Can you trust the father of your child?  Tell him and trust that he will aid in helping you.  You can do this.  I did and I am a complete blubbering wimp.  I don't think anyone is as weak as me.  If I can do it, you can.  
I have to go to sleep now.   It has been like 3 days.  I will check on you tomorrow.

[Avalancheblanche]

Your wisdom puts me in awe.  I would love for you to mail me with your story.  You are right about fixin myself.  I think I have begun that tonight.  I am feeling so many feelings.  I am trying to embrace them at this point.... because of all of you amazing people.  Because of people like you, I know that I can be o.k.  
I hope you will send me your story.  
I AM going to sleep tonight!  
Good night, sleep tight.  I hope I do!

[runt316]

I just found this site and finally feel like I've found people who know what I've been going thru. I've been so scared and alone and feeling desperate. The worse part is that I'm now pregnant and addicted to pain pills & have no idea who to turn to for help. My OB sent me to a pain clinic, but they don't even treat the addiction. I'm terrified right now & so filled w/ anxiety I feel like its killing me. I'm scared of w/d. All of you who are posting, did you get help to stop, wean off, or go cold turkey? I need help in the worst way.

[lostsoul2]

Don't feel selfish.  I'm pretty new here and have found that people want to help.  We have felt the pain and it is our pleasure to help someone through something we thought we could never do.  You have every right to feel bad for yourself.  Cry if you must.  Everybody thought I was such a "tough guy."  Carried that rebellious image.  Angry a lot.  A little unapproachable.  But through all this I have cried so much and I'm not afraid to admit it.  I've learned a lot of painful lessons that have changed me and humbled me greatly.  I know you want to make evrything better, but remember, in order for you to be strong for others, you must fix yourself first.  I know the pills make life seem so much better, easier to deal with.  But someday the well will run dry, and the longer you push the pain away, the stronger it builds, and when the pills are gone, it will that much harder.  Trust me.  

[Avalancheblanche]

I have not gone out to the mailbox in 6 days. The tramadol was going to arrive any day.  My husband came in with the card that said 'signature required'  He knew, from me that it would be arriving soon.  He will be returning to sender, or flushing them.  I am so glad that I told him about my problem.  I would have accepted and probably taken them again.  Now, I can't.....and that is good

[troubleinohio]

if i quit pills, you can do it too. I thought i was pretty much a hopeless case and would fail...but i havent. I thought I was weak and would stumble. I didnt stumble this time. I thought i never would see 23 days clean yet here I am. And you can do it too. Im sorry you are having a very hard time emotionally right now. Ive been there, doen that. All of our personal situations (problems) are different and vary, but in the end they all cause us pain and distress. You just have to find a way to cope as best you can without pills. It isnt easy, its very hard infact but its possible honey. Hang in there. I am sorry your mom is sick with cancer. That is a very hard thing for all to go through. We went through this with my husbands dad too. He lived with us the entire time we were together, and died at 93 years old from cancer. It was so hard to go through. But we have to go on.
I will pray that your mom has alot of time left and a successful treatment honey.
Hang in there and please dont go back to the pills to tyr and deal. you will regret it horribly.

[Avalancheblanche]

I read your posts and feel so selfish.  You are all suffering so much and still are willing to give and be there for people that you don't even know.  Your stories move me and make me realize that I am not alone, or unique.  I am going to pick myself up off my pitty party and get healthy.
Thank you so very much

[lostsoul2]

I read your bio.  So sorry about your issues right now.  I lost an older sister, more like my mother, to diabetes when she was 29.  Had a distant relationship with my father for most of my life(divorced parents), until he developed lung cancer, which then spread to his brain.  For about a year we tried to recapture something, and then he went downhill quickly and I had to be the one to tell the ICU staff to let him go, so  I watched him take his last breath and the reality that those demons that haunted me forever about him will always remain.  That's when my addiction increased drastically.  All to numb the pain.  But now I have to face it.  The pain won't go away.  After the pills are gone it will still be there waiting.  I have taken everything under the sun to numb myself on a daily basis for ten years now.  Now, I'm hoping to be done with it all.  Hydro is my last master.  I'm done with all the other stuff.  Focus on your children and allow yourself to be sad.  By denying yourself emotion you are denying yourself of being human.  Grab those kids and never let go.  I have three young kids and they are my life now.  Sure they drive me so f'ing nuts sometimes, but when I think about the hell my dad put me through, I promise to God that I will do my best to see my kids never feel what I have felt all my life.  If I can do that, my life will be a success.  

[LQQKThrewU]

I care very much and I am glad I do. I know I will get better, it will just take time. The dang clock. I hate it. I am laying in bed sweating and freezing with my laptop. Sorry if I am not making much sense. I just feel real bad right now,but  I am so proud of you avalanche and right now YOU are my inspiration YOU have made it this far. You are so very strong and I admire that. I just wish I could relieve your pain right now. I don't think I  would even notice the additional pain lol. agghhhh. Tomorrow, lets think good thoughts for then. I will be reading the boards probably all night,will try to post when I can. Is it possible that even your aurora hurts?shadow? Hugs hun

[Avalancheblanche]

Why is it that the most beautiful people get cancer and addiction?  I won't go back. I have a strong will.....ask my husband!  It is just so very painful tonight. Now that I am kind of clear, I am so missing my sister.  I just miss her so much.  I want to fix my mom.  I can't.  I can do a lot of things!  But I can't fix any of this right now.  It doesn't seem like life should be this hard

[elefrog42]

I just wrote back to your PM, but YOU totally can do this!  Don't go back now...I made that mistake too many times...you know, once you forget about how crappy the withdrawal was, you think "well, I could take just one more"  BUT DON'T!!!!  Please take it from me, I did that over and over again and it was terrible.  I'm so sorry to hear about your mom.  But you have to stay strong!  If it's any consolation, my (very young) grandmother has lung cancer thats metastasized, and the doctors told her 7 years ago she wouldn't make it one year.  She still around and still fighting the disease (and living at home AND taking care of herself, so there!).  So don't focus on the bad things that might happen.....I will be sending you and your mother good vibes and hugs.  

[mtrying]

You have already done so great with this!!  Six days!!!!!   Think back six months, did you think you could go six days without the pills?  
It sucks feeling helpless, especially when a loved one is sick and we can't change it.  The best thing you can do for yourself, and your family right now is try to hang in there.  I know you can do it.

[lostsoul2]

I don't know your story, but if you are referring to the drug usage as a healthy place, rethink that.  It might be happy.  It might feel alive.  But even if you are taking whatever for real pain, it's never healthy.  Damage is done to your body.  If you are in real pain and really NEED the drug for relief, then I do sympathize.  But if you are missing it because of w/d and w/d alone and you don't need it, keep going.  3 days ago I ran out of my DOC and thought Iwould rather die than face a day without it.  I'm 3 days clean and really don't feel that bad.  I was taking between 100-150 mg a day of hydro.  I don't know if that is any consolation, but I did it and I hope to God I never look back.  We are all here for you and we all have had those hopeless feelings.  They will pass.  

[Avalancheblanche]

How amazing that you are going thru this and still being so caring.  Thank you.  I hope you will feel better.  Hugs to you too.

[Avalancheblanche]

My mom , who is so very precious to me, has bone cancer.  She has been fighting this for 3 years. She just told me today that the cancer is spreading.  She is leaving for texas for 2 months on Fri.  Her Oncologist is not going to treat her until she gets back.  I can't lose her too.  I have not yet gotten over losing my sister. I just feel helpless

[LQQKThrewU]

Awww hugs to you hun, hang in there. Can't type much right now as I am in day 2 and it feels like I have a band around my chest and leg pains etc etc. I feel HORRIBLE!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! We can do this we HAVE to, we cannot live being ruled by our disease. You made it this far. Hugs, I will cont to read the boards and check on you and keep you in my thoughts

[GoingToMakeIt]

I know it is so hard. We have been hiding from all sorts of things, and suddenly our emotions jump into overdrive. Everything rushes back.
  This will settle down soon. Take a hot bath. Drink some chamomile tea.

God bless you hun.

[GoingToMakeIt]

I just answered your PM
You can make it through this. It will be OK.
What is making this so bad tonight?

[enemy48]

Wait a minute...........If I can do this, then so can you.

Remember our conversation this afternoon?  You're way ahead than so many for only being caught up in this for 18 months.

I've been messed up way longer than you.

I took way more, and much more than you.

I'm just past the aweful w/d's so it's easier to say, but definetly not easy to do.  Every minute right now can be different.......then it will move on to every few hours.......then every day....week.......2,,,,,,,etc.

Another HUG!

[Avalancheblanche]

It's all the pain from the past 2 years coming back. I don't want to be negative, but it hurts so much.  I don't want to feel this.  I don't want this.  I want everything in it's neat little good happy alive, healthy place