I can't handle this anymore... plz help

[Kimbo918]

I was unexpectedly thrown in jail on saturday night (my 23rd bday of all days) for being drunk in public. My bf was pissed about the whole ordeal and said he wouldnt bail me out and he wouldnt let my family bail me out either. Before this incident nobody in my family besides him knew that I was a 6 year vike addict but he took it upon himself to tell my entire family about my problem. They in turn allowed me to sit in jail until 10pm this evening in full blown withdrawal the entire tiime... this may not seem like a long tiime but to a long time abuser such as myself it was the most awful place in the world to experience the beginnings of withdrawal. No cigs, no phone, nothing to keep my mind of the pain, and once my body began aching that terrible ache that we all know and hate so very much I was about to hang myself. Now that I am home my mother is making me stay with her.. she has shut off my phone given my car to the bf and deleted all my connects. I am in sooooo much pain right now I cant even think I tried schooling her on the wonders of saboxone and how much it will help me cope but she is refusing to get me any unless I go away for 90 days which is out of the question. How can I make her understand? I get where shes coming from not knowing the first thing about addiction since I did a great job of hiding it this whole time but the pain is unbearable right now and I;m afraid if i dont have the soboxone assistance I will relapse. I truly do wanna get better but idk if this is the right way to go about it. Its now 414 am and my body aches are so bad I can hardly type anymore I literally wanna run out of the house and walk the 3 miles to Detroit to meet my hookup. Its taking everything within me at this point to not do so. Please somebody help me. This is my first detox in 6 years of using 12-15 a day and i feel so alone. I have no idea what to expect and nobody to talk to. thank you so much and God bless all of you amazing people. you are my heros

[jollyman069]

Remember their is one that will never leave you or foesake you..that is our LORD Savior JESUS CHRIST.....just open your arms nd Cry Out to JESUS,,,HE will grab ahold of you and help you through this...GOD Bless...brian

[Regretful239]

I would have loved for someone to cut my phone off, take my car, and want to send me away to a 90 day treatment program - I believe once your withdrawals are over you're going to thank them for doing this

[gettingthere23]

i just sent you a message with the number of an amazing OUTPATIENT detox place the doctor there is incredible,more details in the message just make sure if you are serious about this,talk to your mom and call this doctor,have your mom talk to him if it makes her feel better...also in michigan there is a place called pace and it will help you find rehab/inpatient or outpatient/detox centers and help you with finding funding i know there is for sure a rehab that is max 21days i know alot of people who have gone there and have come out successful...goodluck!!!!!!!!!

[Punkinhead75]

It sounds like your family understands enough to know that you need some kind of help.  I fought my family tooth and nail until finally booze kicked my butt and I wanted to get sober.  I realized that I was the biggest roadblock to getting cleaned up and enjoying a truly happy life.  I went through an out patient program and currently attend AA mtgs.  I find they help a great deal.  You are doing well so far.  Please keep moving in the right direction.  God Bless!!

[Newlife58]

You really can do this you just have to want to be better. You have to want it more than anything else. The best advice I have heard here is it's OK to not to be OK for a while.
I had a three year run with Lortabs 10/500's 10 to 12 a day. one day I saw my life starting to spin out of control and I just had to stop. And I have never looked back. I know you can do this we are not super humane people here we are just people who want to be better. And you can too.

[Back2Reality]

It breaks my heart to hear all that you've been through because you are the same age as my son.  Here I am, his parent, 6 days off of taking Vicodin for about a year and a half.  I can't help but think of you with the mind of a parent.  If this were my son going through it I would urge him to take ANY help being offered and I would PRAY that he would take the help.  Such a huge part of this addiction is the guilt of hiding and not having family and friends know.  Now that they do, consider it a blessing and TAKE THE HELP they are offering.

There are so many others here that have been through and are going through exactly what you are experiencing right now.  You are not alone.

I agree with what others have said about getting your mom on her and letting her read the posts.  Continue to read them yourself and absorb what is being said and offered to you.

I sincerely wish you all the best.

[gettingthere23]

I THINK YOU ARE SO LUCKY FOR YOUR MOM TO OFFER YOU TO GO AWAY FOR 90 DAYS,I WAS BEGGING SOMEONE TO HELP ME BEFORE I FINALLY JUST SAID FORGET IT I WILL DO IT ON MY OWN,IT SOUNDS LIKE THE GOING AWAY MIGHT JUST BE THE BEST THING FOR YOU I KNOW IT SOUNDS REALLY HARD BUT JUST IMAGINE GOING TO REHAB IS GOING TO HELP YOU GET YOUR LIFE BACK AND IF THAT IS REALLY WHAT YOU WANT,THAN WHY NOT GO??? I AM 23YRS OLD ALSO AND STARTED WITH ABUSING VICS UNTIL I COULDNT GET THEM THEN I MADE MY B.F (WHO IS NOT AN ADDICT) TAKE ME DOWN TO DETROIT WHERE I KNEW WHERE MY DADS DEALERS WHERE SO I COULD BUY MY FIRST PACK OF DOPE (HEROIN) OF COURSE THAN I MADE HIM WALK UP AND DO IT FOR ME AND I DIDNT EVEN FEEL BAD,I MADE THIS GUY THAT LOVES ME SO MUCH WHO DOESNT DO DRUGS OR DRINK GO DOWN TO A NASTY DIRTY PLACE AND BUY WHAT I CONSIDERED TO BE THE DIRTIEST DRUG IN THE WORLD AND I FELT NOTHING,NO REMORSE NOTHING AT ALL, BUT ITS THE ONLY OPIATE I KNEW I COULD GET SO I DID IT AND CONTINUED TO DO IT UNTIL I MOVED TO TENNESSEE AND COULDNT ANYMORE THAN I STARTED SNORTING OPANAS,ROXYS,OXYS AND WHATEVER I COULD GET MY POINT IS THAT STARTING OFF WITH VICS WILL LEAD TO OTHER DRUGS,I PROMISE YOU THAT I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD TOUCH ANYTHING LIKE THAT UNTIL I COULDNT FIND MY VICS THAN EVERYTHIGN I EVER FELT ANY MORALS OR SELF RESPECT I DID HAVE LEFT WAS GONE IT DIDNT MATTER I NEEDED SOMETHING BECAUSE I WAS SO SICK.......SO PLEASE DONT LET IT GET ANY FURTHER TAKE THE HELP YOUR MOTHER IS OFFERING AND ALSO I THINK YOUR B.F JUST DIDNT KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO ANYMORE,HE PROBALY LOVES YOU,DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO LOVE AN ADDICT?? I DO,BECAUSE MY FATHER WAS A HEROIN ADDICT MY ENTIRE LIFE IT IS SOMETHING VERY HARD,IT HURTS AND MAKES THEIR LIFE HELL,WHEN YOU LOVE SOMEONE WHO DOESNT CARE ABOUT ANYTHING EVEN THEMSELVES,SO GET HELP AND THAN SEE HOW YOUR RELATIONSHIP GOES,LOVE YOURSELF SO THAT OTHERS DONT HAVE TO GET HURT LOVING YOU.....AND ALSO YOU ARE ALMOST THROUGH THE PHYSICAL DETOX SO IF YOU ARE STILL CRAVING OPIATES,THE SECOND BEST THING MIGHT JUST BE FOR YOU TO GET COUNSELING AND GO TO MEETINGS BECAUSE HONESTLY I THINK IF YOU STARTED SUBOXENS RIGHT NOW IT WOULDNT HELP YOU ARE ALMOST DONE WITH THE WITHDRAWLS IF YOU CAN STICK IT OUT ANOTHER DAY OR SO..............SORRY SO LONG I REALLY WISH YOU THE BEST OF LUCK AND ALSO I AM ON SUBOXEN AND IT DOESNT MAKE EVERYTHING BETTER IT ONLY HELPS WITH THE WITHDRAWL,YOU WILL STILL HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE EMOTIONAL BREAKDOWN THAT COMES WITH COMING OFF OPIATES AND COST ALOT OF MONEY SO JUST HANG IN THERE YOU CAN DO THIS,I'VE BEEN ON THE SUBS FOR 6DAYS AND AM GOING TO TAPER MYSELF OFF BECAUSE I AM READY MENTALLY TO DEAL WITH THE WDS,ACTUALLY IM FINDING OUT WDS ARE WORSE COMING OFF SUBOXENS SO WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO GO BACKWARDS HUN???GOOD LUCK!!!! PLEASE KEEP US POSTED,YOU WILL BE IN MY THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS TONIGHT!!!!!!!!!!

[10356]

Blessings come in the oddest forms.. there are so may that are written off for addiction.. from what I have read you are loved tremendously.. Hot showers baths will go a long way in helping to relive the aches you feel.. acceptance that your life was spiraling out of control  may bring you to the realization of what you were going to loose.. being busted may have been the best thing that could have happened.. we are sick when we have secrets. it holds us back from being whole.. we alienate our family our friends and we isolate. that is no way to live.. we were meant to live our life to the fullest, Please do not hold a grudge for those that love you for they only want the best for you.. the wd only last for so long and when it is over you will be surprised of how much you missed in those 6 years.. so I say Congratulations for when we feel comfortable in our own skin.. life takes on a whole knew meaning.. take care of you ok for you are the only one that can.. lesa

[wesinbama]

I did both an inpatient and am doing outpatient still. Trust me it helps. I've learned so much about the brain and addiction. The first couple of days you may wonder what you are doing there, but it gets better. I could save you the money of an outpatient facility and just say go to NA, because that's what they will tell you to do when you get out, but it gives you a great foundation and a head start. If you can afford to go, do it!!

[Kimbo918]

Thank you so much for all of you kind words and helping hands... like i said this is the first time i have ever went thru this and my family has found out so I just feel kind of cornered and have no idea what to do. today has definetely been alot worse then yesterday i've been drinking alot of that antioxidant vitamin water and taking tylenol but it seems like nothing that I dois helping and i cant bring myself to eat a thing. My mom was looking into an outpatient program that i would go to twice a week but do those things actually work? my family has been wonderful thus far its just hard to explain to them what i'm going through since they really dont understand. i already love you all your encouraging words are exactly what i need at this point. God bless all of you in your success and journey to recovery I will be praying for you. Please stay with me through this I am going to need you

[Danny111]

The fact that you're 23 and getting, "Unexpectedly", thrown in jail for being intoxicated in public should be a wakeup call.  Take the help that's being offerred.  It seems like a really good opportunity to turn things around.  

One thing to think about is the fact that your family is trying to help you rather than writing you off.  It would take a lot less effort for them to just let you be an addict and put you out of their lives.

Getting a call from jail from your daughter/girlfriend etc is really no fun at all.  I was arrested a few times in my late teens early twenties, shortly after moving out of the house and the last thing in the world I would have done would have been to call my parents.  Why should they be put through that when I was the idiot who put myself in jail?

[Danny111]

I have to agree with what your mother has done.  Noone likes to be forced to quit but your mother seems to be very committed to helping you, even if you don't want the help.  

Why is 90 days, "Out of the question"?  

Going through withdrawals is no fun but you don't need suboxone.  The wd's will make you feel like crap for a week or two and then the physical part will be done.  If you go on suboxone you'll eventually have to deal with getting off of that.  It seems a lot like trading one addiction for another.

The wd's are no fun but they're not as bad as the addiction makes us think they're gonna be.  If you had the flu for a week or two you'd get through it just like you can get through the wd's.  You'll feel bad, you'll be depressed and anxious and think about pills a lot and probably get angry at the folks who're trying to help you and then you'll be though it.

As far as your bf outting you I don't know whether or not that was the right move.  It probably doesn't feel good at all but at least it's out now.  Secrets are a huge part of addiction.

[dominosarah]

Sounds like your life is spiraling out of control.  Your family and BF love you, time for you to start loving yourself more than those pills.  Take the help that is being offered to you.  This is a matter of life or death..........sara

[FassFeat]

P.S. If you don't want it, they are wasting their time and resources. Take a deep look before rejecting help. Lotta love coming your way from this forum and ur family.

[FassFeat]

One of the hardest things is telling your loved ones. They now know, maybe not the way you wanted them to. The only way I would leave a loved one in jail is to let them hit bottom so I could help (if they wanted it) after that occurred. Not to say that is the right way to handle situation, but they might not know any other way. Sounds like they all love you and are trying to perform an intervention (initiated by BF) Method might not be best, but sounds like intent is right. God Bless.

Take all the help you can get.

[wesinbama]

I also think an issue may be you are being forced to quit, and that it wasn't your choice. For alot of us, that was the case. Look back at the last 6 years and think "do I want to live like that"? It may be tough to see now, but take advantage of this while you can. There may come a day when no one wants to help you if you keep going. Stay strong, and you have come this far. The worst is almost behind.you. Keep us updated.

[jollyman069]

WOW....your family is wanting to help you....TAKE THE HELP .....NOW...please, I had a 4 year love affair with morphins and percs...I cold turkeyed off of them plus I had total kidney failure....so look you see the DEEP HOLE your in.....You have a like line thrown to you ...Grab on with all you goit and let your family help...God Bless...brian

[NoMore81410]

Hi and welcome to the forum! We are all addicts here and we know what you are going through. You are not alone! To help you through this process and make it easier see of your mom can go get a few things. The Tomas recipe helped me a lot. Take a lot of hot baths for the aches and pains. The first 72 hours are the worst but you can get through this.
If your mom is wanting to send you to treatment take her up on that offer. You need all the support you can get going through this! My husband did not understand when I went through all of this and it was difficult so I got myself outside help.
You have to ask yourself if this is how you want to live the rest of your life with this viscous cycle and possibly end up in an ally somewhere.
Your BF seems to love you and that he doesn't want to see you hurt anymore.
I have been clean for almost 40 days and I have my life back. Take control honey you can do this! You have a family who loves you! Good luck and I will be praying for you!

[loveJwhite]

My opinion-take the help that is being offered....give in, it could be the best decision you've ever made.

[chronicmistake]

It sounds like you are not ready to get clean?  Why is leaving for 90 days out of the queston?  Why do you think Sub is a better way?  Are you just scared of this WD pain?  This will be over in a few days and then you never have to rely on a pill to not get sick.  

I understand because I am only going on my 12th day of being clean off this same drug.  It was scary to stop but the best thing I have ever done. I lived through the WD and am doing great.

[CATUF]

give up.
quite fighting.
go away for 90 days.
everything is exactly as it should be,
and you are going to be okay.

CATUF

[PariahsEmpathy]

P.S.  As a mother I understand your mums concerns, as a wife...I am appalled at your boyfriends actions.  

Could you bring your mum/family to this site, show her around?  School her, so to speak.

I am rooting for you lady, you CAN do this!!!!

K.

[PariahsEmpathy]

You have already started the process, hold on...ride the rest of the waves, you will be through this storm in no time.  

I am here for you, if ever you need to vent!

I am on day six.  I feel fantastic, I have some minor pesky symptoms that are still hanging around, but the fact that I can lay claim to being clean...Sweetie, that is the best high I have had in a long, long time!  

(hugs)

One-Love,
Kimyrha

[Tab57]

Please get some help for both you an dyour family. Narcotics Anonomous would be a great place for you to start with and NarAnon would be a great place for your family to start with.