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I dont have anyone to talk me through this..please listen

I am on day 7 off of a month relapse of taking percs..( I have been relapsing on and off since Jan). The physical W/D werent as bad as the first time I W/D...but I dont know how to function sober! I went to a friends house a got a bottle of 9 yr old ritalin and chewed a bunch of them! I just couldnt handle not having anything to "mess me up" I dont know how to feel in my own skin without a pill! Or quite frankly any kind of drug! I want my life back..I want to live sober..I do..but I have been taking drugs and alchol on and off for 10yrs..and I dont know how to handle life without them. I live on a military post, my husband is a soilder getting ready to deploy and Im too afraid to seek help here..I dont want it to affect his career. Im afraid if I tell a docter it will be used against me. Military life is a completely different world from civilian life. We are stationed in Germany...and I dont know who to turn to. I know it takes time for your mind to recover..I just cant find the strength sometimes to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Im scared I will never be able to be a "normal sober" person...
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981647 tn?1248565607
I have definately been there, would probably now but I know where it led. Sometimes every month I take about 4 or 5 percs. just to get the urge gone for awhile.  I couldn't control it before feels good to be able to do it now.  Meetings really aren't bad they welcome you and always make the newcomer feel at ease. Afterall the newcomer to any meeting is the most important.   Good Luck
Helpful - 0
960021 tn?1270662682
Definately do as worried878 suggested and find out where there are NA/AA meetings held in your area. I know a lot of people get squirmish when it comes to going out in public and facing people around you that you possibly see day in and day out coming to them about the problem in which you're having... But the biggest thing that they do in NA meetings is secrecy. You have to remember that you are all there for the same reason, so there is never any judgement placed.
Helpful - 0
401095 tn?1351391770
i do beleive there r meetings eerywhere these days...have any of u guys called the NA or AA hotline to find out if there r meetings near u???aftercare rox...worth looking into..hang tight
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hi there! I don't say much around here. I usually just read and it gives me the strength to go on. I don't feel like I have much wisdom to offer as I don't have a lot of clean time and a clear mind to speak from. But what I do want you to know is that we are here. By "we", I mean, us as a body. When you are weak there are people here that will be strong for you. When you are strong, reach out and help someone else. Like they say, "you can only keep what you have by giving it away".....we are here. Keep reaching out. There will always be someone reaching back. Good luck and my prayers are with you tonight love!

Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I read your post and want to let you know your not alone here. I just found this Forum and it's great, lots of nice people in the same boat were in, and I felt so alone too.........but I think I can do this with this group.

Hang in there...............

Cissy
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I am on day 27 and let me tell you it has been a rollercoaster and still is. For me it's the mental w/d. I have alot of anxiety and depression. There are days when I feel really good though too. I know it's worth it and you will realize it's worth it too. They say we spent alot of time putting chemicals into our bodies now our brains have to repair themselves. Try to find someone close to help you through this . It will be hard if you do it alone. I have had alot of support. If you can't talk to anyone where you are post here. It has made a world of difference to me. Good luck sweetie!!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
you are not alone, i have been going thru the same things for many years, i am also in a situation where i don't have anyone to talk too. i am all alone this weekend and scared of how things are going to go. i have thought about calling the na hotline just for someone to talk to for a min a two. if you need to talk i am here, please hang in there.
Helpful - 0
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