I don't know why i use opiates?

[crystaljoyb]

I always hear everyone talk about the underlying reason they abuse opiates... What if I don't have one? Other than my addiction I'm happy with my life. I don't have anything apparent that I'm trying to numb myself from. It scares me because if there's no specific reason I'm doing it, what if I can't get better with counseling? Does anyone else have a similar experience? I've been abusing heavily for 4 years, on and off the few years before that with alcohol and opiates. I was drinking a pint of vodka every day for about a year at my worst of the alcohol addiction.

[Bobj15]

Crystal I just read your post and let me say this. When I was using I thought I had the world by the balls i was successful had a wife a house a great job blah blah blah. But I wasn't ok in my own skin.  I thought I was happy hiding my addiction lying etc but looking back at it now I was so sick.  I go through life now with only my recovery and my faith. It's hard as hell some days I have anxiety and fear and feel like it will never end. But I have learned that this life it the good life. The life i lead before was the sick life. Nothing ever lasts forever the good or the bad. But I will deal with life on ice cream and the love of my family and not use the crutch of opiates   I truly believe once you stop and clear your brain you will realize that some of what i am saying is true. I pray you have a clean happy life. Odaat!

[atthebeach]

Bob what an awesome post. You sound so good. I hope and pray things are well with you and your family. Have a happy and blessed thanksgiving.
Keep on keepin on.
Debbie

[crystaljoyb]

Thank you so much for your comment! I'm starting counseling soon to find out what led me down this path. I have a wonderful family and I want to be here for them always. I've heard a lot of mixed reviews, but I started suboxone today. I prayed long and hard about it and I think it could be a good tool for my recovery at this point. I've also told my family about my addiction and it feels so much better not lying anymore. I am 100% committed to recovering and pray that will God's help I will get through it.

[jifmoc]

Crystal, I'm so glad my experience made you feel less alone. Trust me, there are SO many of us it's ridiculous!! Go to a meeting, AA or NA and listen to the feelings (not the drugs per sey that people took) and you won't believe how similar we all are. I would go immediately since you are anxious and truly wanting to quit:)

[jifmoc]

Chrystal, it's been SO slow around here it's ridiculous, I'm sure others will trickle in w/ their own experiences. I didn't have anything that I could identify either. I just loved norco more than anything and it made me happier than anything I ever tried. I learned through meetings and working a significant recovery program that addicts have traits that they have in common. But, I didn't have any trauma per sey either. Sometimes, we're just addicts. In any case, you are psyching yourself out before you start. You traded opiates for alcohol so your addiction is alive and kicking. No need to worry about what you'll learn at this point. I strongly suggest just getting right into recovery. The most miraculous thing that happened is that the very desire to use was lifted. I cannot recommend it enough.

[crystaljoyb]

Thank you for your comment. It's nice to know someone else shares my experience. I'm so thankful that I finally want to quit more than I want to keep using. I've been trying for the last week to get into an addiction doctor, hopefully I'll get in this week some time.