I just can't see any point in living

[HelpMe305]

I want to die

[ricart70]

Whats wrong?talk to us

[dominosarah]

What is going on?  We are here so talk to us.

[paleflower]

Oh sweetheart! Withdrawal has "ups" and "downs" and today it seems to be one of those "down" days. I understand how you're feeling, no one said it would be easy, but I know in my heart you can do this, I know you can!  Our addict minds are constantly playing tricks on us, that little annoying voice in the back of your head, believe me, I know very well what you're feeling. YOU ARE PRECIOUS, YOUR LIFE IS PRECIOUS. The nightmare will be over soon, believe me. You are NOT alone, we are here to help you, keep posting, other friends in the forum will post soon with words of wisdom and helpful advice. Stay here and keep posting. You are in my prayers, God bless

[HelpMe305]

It's everything, I sometimes feel like I want to quit and trust me when I say that everything in my life is going wrong it is. I don't have a job, no money, when I was detoxing my mom accused me of it all being in my head.  I gave up even though I have only done an oxy 30 every other day. Why can't I just build up the strength to let go? I read everyone's post in here everyday every minute and everyone else is trying. Why am I such a failure. I'm a medical assistant, a few months ago, when I started working, I quit, I loved going to work feeling like myself motivated for life. I didn't want to get high, then I lost my job n literally my world came crashing, I don't have any support. I go to sleep crying hoping god would just take me. It sounds horrible but I haven't killed myself because I beleuve in hell. I don't know where to turn whet to do, I'm lost and alone. I am starting to hate myself. I don't know me anymore or why I can't do this, I seriously want to die.

[lulu747]

I feel your pain but you have to hold on to whatever you can.  I know how hard it is-and the oxy messes with your brain.  I am on day two of detox and while I am going through hell I feel my mind clearing for the first time in months.  You can get your life back.  You have to have faith and try to stop being so hard on yourself.  I know this ***** and it takes more strength than we sometimes think we have-but you can do it.  If you are seriously feeling suicidal please go to a walk in mental health clinic or pick up the phone and call a help line.  You don't have to be alone in this.  Lot's of support.(:

[lulu747]

And you're not a failure.  Asking for help is brave and the first step to getting better.

[HelpMe305]

I battle so much in my mind feeling why I just can't quit. I think I have something wrong in my head, every relationship I had, I never broke up with the guy, I don't know how to let go, I feel like this is a relationship with the drug and I don't know how to break up with it. I acknowledge I have a problem, to me that's the first step but I don't even know what to do next. My mom accused me of taking NyQuil to replace the high. Some people just don't understand.  My boyfriend just got cut from 240-180 oxy 30 n prices down here are climbing fast, I see signs to quit I just can't jump.

[dede2121]

Oh lord I could have written that. I feel the same way. I am down to only 2 percs a week and don't understand why i can't let go of that. But I do believe mine is depression. And as soon as insurance kicks in I am going to doctor. Are you able to go to doctor and have him put u on anti depressants?

[HelpMe305]

No, I don't have insurance, no offense to those that use anti depressants, but I've heard they can make my head worse.

[HelpMe305]

I've read that we use to cover underlying issues? Is that true? Am I trying to cover up something in my life?

[gnarly_1]

you can never give up hope things change in life right now your down trurt me worst things can happen my wife of 20 yr came down with cronic illness was bedridden for 5yrs I had 4 kids uder the age of 10 with no mom I had to quit my high paying job because of the hrs and put my tools on to make a living
it barley payed for her meds and we went under loosing a custom built home in the forest as time went on my 13 yr old daughter became a crack addict
and live in jail or on the street things change God healed my wife and my daughter found recovery in jail and is a successful mom we now have a modest house but we raised 5 kids in it yes we took on another kid as my wife healed life is not hopeless its about being abole to deal what life throw at you I dont know how people do it without God in the life bet he has delivered us out of each plight just go with the flow right now your down it happens just know with God there can be change my wife is back to her bubbly self I have 2 beautiful grand children I have my problems but I bring them to God nightly and know in the end he is in control you will get threw this and much more in your life life ant always fare but it is worth living........Gnarly    

[10356]

Hello HelpMe.. I'm sure grateful you posted today..You are not a failure.. Just going thru a rough patch. I'm so very sorry that you are hurting so bad, my heart gos out to you. My lil bro killed himself It was so painful still to this day. If he only realized that life changes it does not remain the same. what is bad now will turn around.You should call the Suicide Hot Line 1-800-784-2433 they will be able to speak with you and maybe hook you up. also check out some counseling they have emergency clinics and if nothing else go to the ER. I have found myself over the years in very depressing situations. from a being a homeless junkie to rape there is not much I have not experienced but even thou I have gone thru these things It always passed It always got better. Your life is so precious and although you may not think it people love you and would be devastated.. Go to a Dr. tell them how you are feeling. If you are going thru wd off drugs it is not unusual to feel depressed but not this depressed.. Please reach out to someone that can help you You deserve so much more then how you feel now... warm hugs.lesa

[lulu747]

there is help out there for you if you need it-whether it be addictions counselling, a behavioural therapist etc.  You just need to see what your options are.  I lost my life as I knew it when I was 28 years old and living my dream as a professional actress.  I was diagnosed with 3 auto-immune illnesses and lost my relationship, my home, my work and had to move back in with my family (bless them)  I was lost and felt like a victim but I did take control and wrote a novel this year (prior to the freaking oxy's that landed me in this detox hell)  You just have to keep moving-find a higher power whatever that is.  And the sentence I keep repeating to myself over and over again as i lay here feeling like death warmed over is this- The only way out is through.  My grandmother always used to say that.  Wise woman that she is.  Keep the faith.  You are never alone even if it feels that way.

[HelpMe305]

You all seem like such string people to have overcome such difficult things in life, I too have had my fair share of rough patches. Although things were rough they did get better, difference between then and now, I'm on pills. I'm in such a dark place in life, I wish I had someone to help me through this and encourage me, all my friends have their own lives n don't do any drugs. They don't understand, I need help, more help than I can admit but I don't know where to turn. I know that in order to be clean, I have to want it, I want it sometimes but honestly when it comes down to it I cave in.  I was supposed to start school in jan but haven't chosen my classes because of this. I want to go away to happy place where I can be loved and appreciated. I need to rebuild myself and learn to live normally, I just don't know anymore

[lulu747]

I don't want to tell you what to do-this is my opinion and only that-but the pills are messing with your brain function which affects your emotions which affects your perception of reality.  There have been many suggestions of places you can call to ask for help-just pick up the phone and do it.  It's the first step in getting the life that you always wanted.  Trust me-it's worth it.  Big hugs.

[10356]

A good place to start would be AA our NA they are free and we here will support you as much as we can. I believe the drugs keeping you in a dark place this is what they do, at first there fun then they turn on you. You have been thru rough patches before and you will get thru this one. Your life will be so much better without drugs clouding your mind and emotion..  sounds to me like you are already coming to terms that you need to stop our you would not be posting here. sometimes it takes a lil time reading talking to get the courage up. I had to work out my past in order to get clean as I used the drugs a a sort of right.. This happened to me so I can do what the freak I want. That was the victim in me. she no longer has control of my life and it feels good, I will be saying a prayer for you..

[quitinoxys]

It really pains me to hear what you are going through at such a young age. You seem to want to get your life back so just take the next step and do it. We are all here to help guide you through it if you accept our advice. You have been given some very good advice at that. Gnarly told you his story and how he got through it with the help of God and Jesus and that will take you a long way. When you start to feel all is hopeless sit down and try to pray you'll be amazed on how quickly you will get an answer. I will pray for you and ask God to answer your prayers swiftly. God Bless---Rick

[wishfulthinking57]

Helpme, extremely thankful you posted before you did anything.  Right off the bat I can tell you that painkillers effect your brain very much (if you didn't already know that).  Over using can create a heavy imbalance and lead to these types of feelings.  I was in the same position as you only you're already much stronger then I was: you reached out for help while I cowered in my room.  I usually tell people to get these 2 supplements while feeling like this because they help the brain to start function normally and kick start everything back into gear....vitamin b-6 and L-tyrosine.  

As far as how you're feeling, I can tell you this much...you may have a million reasons to not be here anymore, but there are a million and 1 reasons why you should be here.  Hold your head up and be confident, this is something you can beat and one day soon you'll be able to look back and use this as a learning experience, and be in the position to help someone else who may be going through this.

[HelpMe305]

I would like to thank you all for caring, tonight I attended for the first time, a NA meeting. I'm not saying I'm 100% ready but I am opening my options as far as treatment is concern. Thank you all for the kind words, I'm sure there is hope somewhere for me, I just have to find it.  God Bless you all, as someone said today in NA "addicts are the strongest people out there".  

[10356]

I'm very Pleased to read you went to a meeting HelpMe. Support is so important, sometimes we can feel very alone in our addictions. I know there is Hope for you :) I agree addicts are some of the strongest people out there and this includes You ! :) hugs

[lulu747]

Good for you(:  Makes me so happy to hear that you reached out.  Feel proud of yourself.  It takes guts to face our demons.

[selfinduced]

You made a very important step in getting your life back. You can do this!!!!

[GA_need_help]

Hi.  It is so great to have attended that NA meeting tonight.  Try AA also.  A lot of NA people go to AA.  You will figure out which meetings work for you by trying a variety.  Even different meetings in the same fellowship have a different feel.  You will find what you like by trying a variety of them.  
   I know you are struggling, so I will tell you what I do when I am struggling (in addition to meetings), I listen to meetings by phone.  It is a great way to get some recovery, and to know I am not alone. You can type in the name of the the anonymous group  and "phone meetings".  you will pull up the meeting schedules and phone number and access code.  Then try attending various meetings to find ones you like.  The meetings have been life savers for me.
    I pray this, and the other suggestions help.  We are totally here for you.  Love. Marie

[jlannaa]

I hope you are feeling better this morning :) Its great you are going to meetings and  its awesome you are reaching out for help ,i wish you all the best ! <3