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Avatar universal

I just want to give up! And give in!

My life seemed so "normal" when I was on the percocets, I was able to attend all my children's functions, NEVER missed a game, which there is one everyday, and yesterday for the first time, I missed my son's phenomenal game. Then the more I read on this forum, the more discouraged I feel because just hearing the stories about how long it will take me to get my energy back scares the living **** out of me. I was up at 4 everyday, drop my husband off at work, come back get my children ready and off to school, get myself through my 8 1/2 hr wrk day, come home, beep the horn for the kids to get into the car and head straight to the field. I don't get to step foot back into my home until about 8pm. How am I supposed to wait for at least a month to get my energy back? I'm on day 2 and the only symptoms I'm having now is the lack of energy, mental breakdown, back pain(original reason I started n these things) and a craving that is killing me. I just really want to give up. It's not the physical aspect It's the mental aspect and the energy factor that is driving me insane. I truly hate myself right now.
Best Answer
Avatar universal
I thought I needed it to do my job but I was actually a worse employee and surprised I even functioned as well as I did.  I constantly forgot things and since I work in IT I need to stay mentally focused.  Opiates were good to complete the mundane boring stuff, but we were able to do it before the drugs and we can still do it after.  

As far as money goes, I know what you mean about how much it can drain the bank account.  Not even counting the money spent on pills, I used to buy stuff with zero discretion, stuff I wouldn't even want if I wasn't high on pills.  Its like you try to fill a void.  I made horrible decisions while on them that seemed like such a great idea at the time.  Its embarrassing to even think about.
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Avatar universal
Hi! First off, hate the pills, not yourself. The energy will return, it just takes time. It's one month of discomfort, and in return, you get your life back. Yes, you will have to push yourself everyday to accomplish tasks, but that's just part of the detox. Every day gets better, your energy will return without having to rely on those pills. The longer you take them, the harder it will be to detox from them. Believe me, I totally get where your coming from, I also know how frustrating the lack of energy can be. It just takes a little time and patience. Post here whenever to let out your frustration!  Good luck to you! Take care!!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I just want to feel normal again. I feel like such a sh*tty parent. And I'm thinking about going back to work on monday, tired and annoyed. I know it sounds crazy, but I just want the quick easy fix to feel functional again...
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hi,
I totally get it.  It's funny, I don't really remember what it's like to have my own energy.  I have been on hydrocodone about 1 1/2 years now and it's all I know.  But there are times that I haven't had a pill in so many hours and I wake up and I'm really tired or have no energy and feel bad (sick bad) and that is BECAUSE of the pills.  We normally wouldn't feel that way.  I look at my husband who has so much energy and goes goes goes and I get jealous.  I want to be like that again.  I am on day 7 and I'm back at work and I don't feel too bad.  The first few days were hard but I was already up on day 3 or 4 and showering and going to the gym, so just be patient.  I know it's hard but one day you will just wake up and feel your own energy again :)
Leah
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Oh, please don't feel like a bad parent. I could tell just from reading your post that your children are the most important people in your life, your love for them is obvious.  There are bits of my sons childhood that are a little blurred, because I was abusing my meds. I don't want you to look back in ten years, and not remember all the good times you had with your kids. Don't give up this fight, don't let the pills win, you can do this!! Sending prayers your way.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
It really, really ***** and no one around me understands. I think ive gone through the worst last night with the chills and sweats, fever, and aches. But I'm just anxious to feel energetic again. My husband is going to buy my L-Tyrosine or however you spell it and I know the thomas recipe says to wait until day 4 but I'm desperate to get up and going. I am so dearly afraid that after these 7 days I've taken off to better myself, I will fall again because of the low energy. My life is anything but slow paced and I really don't have a month or more to recuperate.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
My children are literally my everything. My world revolves around them and unfortunately those damn pills. My mood was always better, my energy to do things was better. I just don't know what to do with myself right now. I made this decision on my own to quit, and now my husband is not being understanding, I know he is trying to "help" me through it and not give up, but coming from a person who has never experienced this, it infuriates me because his suggestions are just stupid or very non sympathetic. I hate this world I'm stuck in right now. I just dont know anything anymore.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I hear ya, the lack of energy is really really hard.  I'm having a hard time mentally right now.  My emotions are all over the place and I feel really lonely right now and just feel down.  I can't wait for work to be done so I can go home and be with my husband.  I bought calmsupport and DLPA and L-Tyrosine.  I did not use the L-Tyrosine though, wish I didn't buy it because DLPA is suppose to be similar and give you more energy and better your mood but I don't feel like these pills have been helping me.  Unless they are and I just don't know it.  Honestly, it's just going to take time for all of us.  Which I know is hard but we don't have a choice.  Hang in there, it gets better!!  I sent you an email if you want to respond....
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I am pretty sure 90% of opiate addicts get hooked because of the energy and motivation they give us, its by far the hardest thing to get used to.  I know that no one wants to classify themselves as an addict and attend any type of therapy but NA meetings do boost the confidence.  We all hide our addictions and at least there you don't need to hide, even if you don't share.

As far as energy, once your physical withdrawals go away and you can sleep semi-normal I would suggest caffeine and you should be taking B12 right now.  Clondine works well with anxiety and even sleep, as far as motivation that is really dependent on your own will power.  Withdrawal is such a mind game, we tend to read all these horrible things online which then only makes it worse.  The cool thing is after you get a few days clean you really start to feel great about yourself every new day you make it.  You start to feel like a contributing person in society, not someone that is always medicated and fake.  Its a whole lot easier to stop when you toss your stash as well, its too easy to have a weak moment and relapse otherwise.  SSRI's (anti-depressants) can help as well.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Yes, I can understand why, not only did it help tremendously with my backpain, the surge of energy kept me going. What scares me most is that even before the pills I was a person with low energy. I'll be honest, if it wasn't about the money spent on it, I would never have made the real decision to quit. Instead of using one of the two week offs I get from work to be miserable. I don't know, is really all I can say.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I was actually the opposite, I functioned very highly while on the meds. Which really doesn't say much because I was already on it when I got my job a year ago. I just got a major raise and they told me how surprised they were at how well I was excelling in my 5 positions...yes 5. Ughhh, my fear is will I function as well without it? You want to talk embarrassment? Between my husband and I we bring home about $850 a week and with my addiction, we've been barely surving just to pay our rent, feed my children, gas to get to work, and other bills. All this is my fault because we could have been much further in our lives if it hadn't been for my addiction. If I could go back to the day I was first handed the script, I'd rip it to shreds just as it's shredded my life.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
It's true about work.  I started a new job in Feb, a job where I have to have attention to detail and cant make any mistakes but boy was I.  There would be days that I ran out of pills and would be spending all day on my phone trying to figure out when and where and how i'm going to get them and I would screw up at work, it was so embarrassing.  I am still so new and trying to learn everything so having a clear head is so important!!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I'm sorry to hear that and that is one of my biggest fears. Right now is the biggest rush time at our business and I'm constantly running around. I am human resources for the whole company (just little old me), in the accounting department, plus the executive assistant to 3 people, including the president of the company. This really really blows!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I think most of us here understand your concerns.  The fundamental issue is that using opiates for energy is unsustainable.  At some point it comes to a stop.  I remember your initial post pretty well.  You said you were tired of working just to pay for the habit.  It just gets worse.  After a while you no longer feel good on them.  You just take them so you don't get sick.  No matter what your dose, sooner or later you have to up the dose.  5 a day.  10 a day.  15 a day.  And on and on.  You probably already know this.

There's really no easy way around getting off these things.  If there were an easy way none of us would be here.  Its awful.  No way around it.  The good part is that the acute withdrawal is over in a couple weeks and most people are on their way to normal after a couple months.  Its kind of like the guy on the FRAM oil commercials.  "You can pay now, or you can pay later."  But you will have to pay.  I'm guessing some of this doesn't sound very warm and fuzzy.  This is why most folks here try to reassure, encourage and otherwise pump people up for the task at hand.  We know its bad and we know that if you get in that first couple weeks you are off to the races and if you hang in there for a couple months, you are for all intents and purposes off the drugs.  Your final task is to stay off of them
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
You're right, I know you are. The smart side of my brain agrees and the addicted side doesnt. I have a huge question, last night i went through all the normal w/d sweats, chills, fever, sleeplessness, a bit of nausea. But the rest of today hasn't been that way. Not many physical w/d Will they creep up on me or could it be my body just bounced back that quickly? My.mind is all f'd up and the cravings are insane. But other than that, I haven't spent the whole day in bed. Is that normal? Am I pretty much out of the woods for the physical part?
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Avatar universal
For me, absolutely.  I'd have days where I thought I had it licked.  I saw my counselor on day 7 or 8.  I was doing pretty good.  I had an expectation that it was just going to continue.  You will have good days and bad days but on average you will be better each day.  My worse days were probably 3 and 4.  One day you will realize that you havent had a bad day in a while.  You'll want to run around the house a few times out of pure joy.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
wow, my mom has a similar role.  I work at her company now, well not HER company but she runs the accounting dept and she is the compliance officer, she does payroll, HR and billing, she has alot on her plate.  Not that this is about her but your position reminded me of her.  I can see where if you have had your job for a long time and you get on these pills you can do your job well, I use to when I was a loan processor.  But now that I have a new job, its tougher.  You will be fine, I promise.  I bet you will be even better at your job off of these things.  You just can't see it now but you will, soon.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I had told you earlier that I didnt have much physical w/d and I was on norcos for almost 2 years.  I was really surprised.  I only used imodium once, had a bit of RLS and some back pain for 2 days, thats it.  I did use xanax to help sleep but now im sleeping fine on my own.  I swear, the worst of it was my mood, I did not want anyone around me.  So I think we are lucky, not everyone has to have bad w/d.  I was up and out on day 4, so you can be too!!
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Avatar universal
I sent you a private message with a question. Just didn't feel confident enough to ask directly on this post as I'm already embarrassed of my situation as it is.
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Avatar universal
I really hope that's the case and this was it for the physical. I actually would rather deal with the physical rather than the psychological w/d. I think it's cool your Mom and I have similar jobs. It is definitely a lot of work. I was already on the meds when I started there, so it's just been the norm for me. I'm just scared, as I'm sure everyone who is trying to recover from addictions is.
Helpful - 0
6990909 tn?1435275816
Hi there and welcome!  I get it.  I was addicted to vicodins.  I'm a mom of 3 very active kiddos who play select soccer.  I manage one of the teams.  I volunteer at school.  I have a job analyzing financial data.  The lack of energy was nearly the deal breaker for me.  But, yes...it does come back.  It DOES get better.  I had to learn to let go of some things for a few weeks like a clean house, preparing meals, etc.  It was ok to let the kids have sandwiches and fruit for dinner....or cereal even.  I seriously could not make all games and practices - I learned that it was ok because I was making their mother better.  The energy slowly came back...a little more each day after the first 7-10 days.  
If you are able to walk trails or a track at practice or games, try and get in a short walk.  Exercise will help get your natural endorphins going again - even in small amounts.  Continue to eat healthy when you can eat.  Stay hydrated.  A good multi-vit and protein drinks will help as well.  
I promise you that it will get better a little bit at a time.  My kids were not aware of what I was going thru, but they sure did notice a difference in the post-vicodin mom!
You are doing a great job!  You should be very proud of yourself!
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Avatar universal
Just keep going ok!  I'm here if you need to talk :)
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Avatar universal
Congratulations on your journey! This is such a rollercoaster for me, and I've been overcome by racing thoughts and good voice bad voice syndrome... I know what it's like to have children with loads of energy, I have a 12, 9, 9, & 7. Plus they all play baseball and other sports during off season. So I'm ALWAYS on the go, from 4:30am to about 8:30 at night. I've just missed for the first time ever, my children's past two games and I'm determined to make it to today's game. I'm feeling not so bad right now, we'll see how I'm doing around 5pm. Again, congrats on finding yourself again,  I truly hope I find and keep the strength to do it.
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Avatar universal
Thanks hun! Your support is absolutely amazing! :)
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