5549258 tn?1449083082

I keep relapsing

How im the world do you peopl stay clean.. i can go a few weeks then bam i get high the cycle has begun a long time ago, and its the samw ****.. chasing pills, I have never done a drug that makes you feel suicidal when coming off of it,   i ****** up  i took a few subs a week ago for a day and was fine then i got some tramadol and here we are agin.. **** it, i dont have hope for this addiction
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5549258 tn?1449083082
Thanks so much for the advice, its very hard in my life rightnow, i went through a few days feeling suicidal cuz of what ive been through, from agae 14 ive had an amazing life, i got my first car and always had 2 new cars up until 2014   so ive been on opiates for 5 years and tryed a few times to quite, only becuase i ran out of meds and was going crazy, now ive decided formyself to quite, ive cut off all my supplyers including my doctor, im just a week into it but i believe i can keep pushing through these days    i relapesed on tramadol and that **** really screwed me up!!  big time, i gave my last script of 120 away, trams were not my drug of choice  oxys were, anyway so here i am, i went a month and half back in december with no car, bought a ford explorer just to get aressted for a suspended licence and they took my truck, so im working paying tickets i have in Georgia and getting another car, problem is, i always take the hard way, becuase in the mists of all this, i am withdrawling from opiates, again.. aka tramadol, that **** is visious,, so im a week into it and still sneezing, very bored and dont have energy, i bike ride every morning 3 miles to eat, I live in a weathy comunity so have lots of help getting around otherwise, but all becuase of the pills im in this situation, I used to have such a very very great life, now i feel like a person on the street trying to find myslf, its hard, very hard  im scared of picking up opiates in the future becuase thats the only thing i loved after my 6 year relationship with my partner, anyways how do i stay strong, my family has passed on so its me and my sister and afew close people i know...  Im trying guys.
Helpful - 0
4522800 tn?1470325834
Need a NEW LIFE and NEW way of THINKING..Live to live in ones own SKIN!! Come on you can do it!!! Just DO IT! You do not want to age another 20years do you?? Your YOUNG Get out now! lol

How are you doing since the last time I replied on here??
Surrender to the Process.
Helpful - 0
7284346 tn?1402238725
Hey there~
What  great support you have gotten here! Such FANTASTIC advice.  I hope you will take it all to heart and apply it... choose YOU - choose LIFE.

I commend you for coming back! I know that's not an easy thing to do.... being honest never is.  Three keys in OUR recovery... we must be open, WILLING, and honest.  :)

I spent a good amount of time "trying" to get clean alone. Doing it in my own strength... and then I got fully sick and tired of being sick and tired.  If you're there my friend, there IS a SOLUTION~! Just as everyone above has recommend... and as you probably already know... meetings meetings meetings.  You WILL find a path to recovery IF you are willing and ready to go to any length to get it. Do what others have done before you... learn and listen. There's ALWAYS HOPE!  

We've all been right where you're are right now... in one way or another. Struggling at the beginning. WE get it!  This guy at my meeting last night said to our speaker, "That's exactly my story except for the details." :) Yes! In the rooms, we all come from different backgrounds, places, and all manner of lifestyles... but WE have an amazing fellowship and understanding among us because of what we ALL share... you will find incredible support and you will learn how to DO LIFE SOBER.  That's the trick.
You CAN do this my friend. Keep coming back! Praying for you today - May God bless you and keep you. May you find the wisdom and strength to choose YOU and LIFE today.... each day. ONE day at a time.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I once heard dr drew say "I can have you clean and sober in 6 days and you'll be using again in 7 without aftercare" it is CRUCiAL to your recovery.
I see a drug counselor 3 times a week and that works for me. I never did it before and God only knows how many times I tried and failed to get and stay clean. My pill addiction led to an easier fix...within 6 months of chasing pills I discovered snorting heroin was just as good and always there. Thats when everything went down hill.
Now I have 71 days completely clean and im doing so many things differently I dont think ill ever go back. Not today anyway.
Its a fight everyday. But if you want it bad enough you can do it. You have to put in the work. Your sobriety has to mean enough to want to stop. My mother is still an addict and I realize I cannot change her. I cannot fix her. She has to want to stop. You have to get to the root of what's feeding your addiction
Helpful - 0
8323481 tn?1405705654
Wow, I am cutting and pasting this..thank you!!!
Helpful - 0
3197167 tn?1348968606
Welcome back guy....it's good that you came back and posting again.  
Sounds like it's time to be "open" and not "resistant" to what you know you need to do if you REALLY want to STAY clean.  No dabbling in subs, trams, or ANY other mind altering chemical.  We cannot just take the "drugs" away and continue living the very same lifestyle.  Hanging with the same friends and going to the same places.  NONE of us stand a snowball's chance in h e l l of staying clean if we do that.

Did you ever pursue one-on-one counseling with that link I gave you?  They worked on a sliding scale....which is what you said you needed financially and they specialized in the specific issues you said would help you. ??
How bout any other forms of aftercare....did you follow thru and go to anything more than just one time?

ABN posted FABULOUS, HELPFUL info up above.....the only thing is...none of us can give you the "desire to get and stay clean".....that, as you already know, must come from deep within you.

Hope you'll open your mind to some of what has been suggested to you...and once you get determined.....you won't be bored....you'll have something brand new to conquer......and you'll be FREE from the chains that keep us enslaved to addiction.
Let us know how you're doing.....we'll be here to support you~
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
That darn Tramadol too. Doctors are all psyched up that it's better than the traditional opiates - CAPITAL B.S.! That stuff messes with seratonin or noroprenephin or some important crap like that in addition to messing with opioid receptors and endorphins. Just like gabapentin and Lyrica screws up gaba production as bad as benzos. Oh man these pharmaceutical execs will burn in hell for the lies they feed us - hope they enjoy their money now!
Helpful - 0
5549258 tn?1449083082
Wow. I just read this and this helped me so much. I'm not even really and withdraw I'm just in the mental stages I guess paws.   I don't feel good but I'm able to function. And I'm just tired I'm so bored
Helpful - 0
4113881 tn?1415850276
A Relapse Prevention Plan: The Tools of Recovery

The Stages of Relapse

Relapse is a process, it's not an event. In order to understand relapse prevention you have to understand the stages of relapse. Relapse starts weeks or even months before the event of physical relapse. In this page you will learn how to use specific relapse prevention techniques for each stage of relapse. There are three stages of relapse.(1)

    Emotional relapse
    Mental relapse
    Physical relapse

Emotional Relapse

In emotional relapse, you're not thinking about using. But your emotions and behaviors are setting you up for a possible relapse in the future.

The signs of emotional relapse are:

    Mood swings
    Not asking for help
    Not going to meetings
    Poor eating habits
    Poor sleep habits

The signs of emotional relapse are also the symptoms of post-acute withdrawal. If you understand post-acute withdrawal it's easier to avoid relapse, because the early stage of relapse is easiest to pull back from. In the later stages the pull of relapse gets stronger and the sequence of events moves faster.
Early Relapse Prevention

Relapse prevention at this stage means recognizing that you're in emotional relapse and changing your behavior. Recognize that you're isolating and remind yourself to ask for help. Recognize that you're anxious and practice relaxation techniques. Recognize that your sleep and eating habits are slipping and practice self-care.

If you don't change your behavior at this stage and you live too long in the stage of emotional relapse you'll become exhausted, and when you're exhausted you will want to escape, which will move you into mental relapse.

Practice self-care. The most important thing you can do to prevent relapse at this stage is take better care of yourself. Think about why you use. You use drugs or alcohol to escape, relax, or reward yourself. Therefore you relapse when you don't take care of yourself and create situations that are mentally and emotionally draining that make you want to escape.

For example, if you don't take care of yourself and eat poorly or have poor sleep habits, you'll feel exhausted and want to escape. If you don't let go of your resentments and fears through some form of relaxation, they will build to the point where you'll feel uncomfortable in your own skin. If you don't ask for help, you'll feel isolated. If any of those situations continues for too long, you will begin to think about using. But if you practice self-care, you can avoid those feelings from growing and avoid relapse. (Reference: www.AddictionsAndRecovery.org)
Mental Relapse

In mental relapse there's a war going on in your mind. Part of you wants to use, but part of you doesn't. In the early phase of mental relapse you're just idly thinking about using. But in the later phase you're definitely thinking about using.

The signs of mental relapse are:

    Thinking about people, places, and things you used with
    Glamorizing your past use
    Hanging out with old using friends
    Fantasizing about using
    Thinking about relapsing
    Planning your relapse around other people's schedules

It gets harder to make the right choices as the pull of addiction gets stronger.
Techniques for Dealing with Mental Urges

Play the tape through. When you think about using, the fantasy is that you'll be able to control your use this time. You'll just have one drink. But play the tape through. One drink usually leads to more drinks. You'll wake up the next day feeling disappointed in yourself. You may not be able to stop the next day, and you'll get caught in the same vicious cycle. When you play that tape through to its logical conclusion, using doesn't seem so appealing.

A common mental urge is that you can get away with using, because no one will know if you relapse. Perhaps your spouse is away for the weekend, or you're away on a trip. That's when your addiction will try to convince you that you don't have a big problem, and that you're really doing your recovery to please your spouse or your work. Play the tape through. Remind yourself of the negative consequences you've already suffered, and the potential consequences that lie around the corner if you relapse again. If you could control your use, you would have done it by now.

Tell someone that you're having urges to use. Call a friend, a support, or someone in recovery. Share with them what you're going through. The magic of sharing is that the minute you start to talk about what you're thinking and feeling, your urges begin to disappear. They don't seem quite as big and you don't feel as alone.

Distract yourself. When you think about using, do something to occupy yourself. Call a friend. Go to a meeting. Get up and go for a walk. If you just sit there with your urge and don't do anything, you're giving your mental relapse room to grow.

Wait for 30 minutes. Most urges usually last for less than 15 to 30 minutes. When you're in an urge, it feels like an eternity. But if you can keep yourself busy and do the things you're supposed to do, it'll quickly be gone.

Do your recovery one day at a time. Don't think about whether you can stay abstinent forever. That's a paralyzing thought. It's overwhelming even for people who've been in recovery for a long time.

One day at a time, means you should match your goals to your emotional strength. When you feel strong and you're motivated to not use, then tell yourself that you won't use for the next week or the next month. But when you're struggling and having lots of urges, and those times will happen often, tell yourself that you won't use for today or for the next 30 minutes. Do your recovery in bite-sized chunks and don't sabotage yourself by thinking too far ahead.

Make relaxation part of your recovery. Relaxation is an important part of relapse prevention, because when you're tense you tend to do what’s familiar and wrong, instead of what's new and right. When you're tense you tend to repeat the same mistakes you made before. When you're relaxed you are more open to change. (Reference: www.AddictionsAndRecovery.org)
Physical Relapse

Once you start thinking about relapse, if you don't use some of the techniques mentioned above, it doesn't take long to go from there to physical relapse. Driving to the liquor store. Driving to your dealer.

It's hard to stop the process of relapse at that point. That's not where you should focus your efforts in recovery. That's achieving abstinence through brute force. But it is not recovery. If you recognize the early warning signs of relapse, and understand the symptoms of post-acute withdrawal, you'll be able to catch yourself before it's too late.
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Avatar universal
HI   for most of getting clean is the ez part it is staying clean that takes the work for most of us here with any major clean time we have found aftercare that works  I go to N/A 4 meeting a week ''those that go to meeting stay clean'' you will be welcome with a hug and be around people with the same goal  to stay clean aftercare is not just for some it gives you a real chance to make it  most of us suffer with the addicted brain  just because where pill free does not make us less of a addict that takes work for me the 12 steps give me freedom to live life on lifes terms give it a try you wont regret it it takes less hours to stay clean then it does to get high every day you have nothing to loose and a new clean drug free life to start good luck and God bless........Gnarly.............
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1742220 tn?1331356727
hey how are ya buddy?  I guess the most important thing is to want to stay clean.  sometimes that is the hardest thing but maybe the first thing.  like ms d said.  you gotta really really really be sure you want it.  nice to see you.
Helpful - 0
4522800 tn?1470325834
It takes a lot of work and you need to have a new life style change and make a New World for yourself. You can come around Physically first and then Mentally later, but all the while you must be feeding yourself Spiritually.
The hardest to me was to learn to live in ones own skin without wanting any kind of Substance for this or that reason.
Like PorVida said..If you Do Not change those Playgrounds & Playmates that can be one of the Biggest Triggers. If it is more Mental or Emotional then you should seek further help..HELP is all around us.Try those meetings again, but this time also go to a AA plus any Supporting Group you can find. This Journey into our Recovery is not meant to be walked alone. I hope you find peace inside you.
Helpful - 0
6990909 tn?1435275816
Hey there and welcome back. I would say that you really need some strong aftercare.  Finding a program, a sponsor....these folks can help you through your struggles.  We can do our best to fight this disease of addiction, but we can not do it alone.  If it were easy to manage on our own we wouldn't all be here.  I followed your story the last time you were here and I hoped you were on the right path...you were...but you need to allow others to help you through as the addict brain is not one to be contained without some serious work.  Best of luck to you!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Oh my dude what ima do with you! But hey its so good to see you here posting. PorVida is exactly right. You know what to do. You just got to want it really bad. How can I help you? I want you healthy!
Helpful - 0
3176864 tn?1391555073
It's definetly not easy. It just takes you wanting to be clean more than using. You gotta stop hanging around friends that use, cut off sources and get into aftercare.
I remember you. Though u had about a month clean n were going to NA. What happened?
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