You have a new doctor. That is terrific. You must know that it can be very difficult to find a good doctor to manage your pain. If you aren't totally honest with him, something will happen and you'll be dismissed from his practice.
As to the Xanax, if you take it as prescribed, then maybe you can work on one medication at a time. But you need to be fully committed to this. It is not easy and it can be very frightening, especially if you have pain. I'm sure you have already heard that pain meds can actually cause more pain; it's called hyperalgesia. And when you come off pain meds, you will have rebound pain that will feel much worse but that is only temporary. Eventually you will be able to find out what your real pain level is and you can go from there.
Please call your new doctor and set up an appointment and explain to him what's going on. It will be a huge relief to you. You and he can work out what the best plan is for you whether it's staying on your meds, tapering off, or trying something else. Pain management normally involves more than just taking pills. There's PT, OT, acupuncture ... the list goes on.
The way I see it is you have been very lucky in finding this doctor. If you mess this up, you may not be able to find another doctor to treat you.
As far as your abusive relationship, you obviously will have to deal with that at some point. But if you're safe right now, then maybe for you it's better to just put that on hold for the moment. If he's physically abusive, you need to have a plan in place in case things escalate and you need to get out of there. Do you have a friend you could stay with in an emergency?
Once you take care of either getting off your pain meds or taking them responsibly under your doctor's supervision, your head will be a bit clearer and then you can look at your relationship and make whatever decision is necessary. I stayed in an abusive marriage for far too long. I tried to leave a bunch of times but would always let him come back when he promised he'd change. But you know, like I knew, that people rarely change. You can only change you and what you'll tolerate. I can tell you that when I finally left my ex for good, it was a huge weight off my shoulders. I'm sure a lot of your anxiety comes from being in an abusive relationship. I was constantly on edge and worried and always trying to shield my kids from what was going on. I couldn't believe the relief I felt when I finally did leave.
But first things first and that's to come clean to your doctor and come up with a plan that works for you.
So it's great to hear you're taking your Xanax as prescribed!! Please, no matter what don't stray from that. You have the perfect opportunity with a new doctor to get all this cleared up. As for your abusive relationship, if you and your daughter are safe, then maybe for now you need to stay in it while putting plans in place.
I would come totally clean with your doctor. He can determine, if you're totally honest, whether you are truly addicted, have hyperalgesia (increased pain from the pills) or pseudo addiction. Pseudo addiction isn't all that common but it can happen. It's when people look and behave like they're addicted but it's actually just that their pain is not well controlled. I'm not sure what your pain issues are but I have several and I know how hard it is to live with severe chronic pain.
You will be doing yourself the biggest favor of your life by meeting with your doctor and being honest with him about everything. That way he can decide what's best for you to do as to your pain. He may have other pain meds that would work better, maybe a long acting med. Or he may suggest taking something like Cymbalta that can help with pain.
What you don't want to do is lose this doctor. Talk to him about other things that may help with your pain. There is such a long list of things that can work in conjunction with your medications: hydrotherapy, PT, many different procedures, etc.
Personally, I think your living situation is a big factor in you misusing your meds. Maybe you're not ready to leave now but you need to start planning things now. Do you work? I know most people are hurting financially with the economy. But even if you have limited funds, there are ways to squirrel away money. It can take a little time but you need to do it for the safety for yourself and your daughter.
I found a great way to save money when money was tight. My goal was a trip to Disney with my kids. I would watch the sales at the supermarkets and my pharmacy. I'd use my rewards card and coupons and whatever I saved by doing that, I put away. Some weeks it might be $10, other times it could be $60.
CVS rewards' card is a place you can save a lot of money. Last week I got a total of $78 in cash back rewards. Granted you have to use it at CVS but
The gods are telling me I'm writing to much by my comment posting without me hitting the post button!
Just to finish, coming clean with your doctor will allow him to figure out what's the best way to treat your pain. When you work it all out, the rest of your troubles will be easier to deal with. Don't jeopardize your relationship with this doctor. Work together and get things in place and then work on either getting out of the abusive relationship or having family counseling to fix things.
I left you notes and tried checking on you. I was really worried about you! You will quit when you've had enough. Mary is right! I did the same thing to save money to"get out". If I had ten bucks I saved 2 if I had 100 I saved 30. I called it mad money and I think all women should have some!
Mary gave you great advice. I too think that a LOT of your issues would be resolved (improved anyway) if you could find a way out of the abusive relationship you're in. Start reaching out to local resources, like shelters, who can help you put a plan in place and start working on it. I understand that it isn't easy to just pick up and go, especially if you don't have family or close friends nearby who would help, but at some point, you have to make it happen sweetie, for you AND for your children. You can also ask your doctor for some help with your situation. Ask for a referral to therapy/social services. There IS help out there.
Thinking of you.
I'm so sorry... I don't really know how to get around on this site.... And especially since I'm having to use it from my phone!