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684343 tn?1231430840

I want to use badly.Please help me.

I have hit a significant snag in my sobriety. I am 52 days clean today..but all i can think about is using again.  I have been having some problems in my life..my best friend of 23 years, is moving tommorow, 10 hours away.She was there for me when I went into rehab,riding the 3 and a half hour ride to put me in. Comming to visit me while there, and being here every single day when i got out.
When I got out of rehab, I moved back in with my parents. Since being here I have had numerous fights with my dad, about everything you can think of. Now I just got into a huge fight with my brother, who called me a "loser" and a "piece of ****". He broke my heart.
I have also been very depressed lately. I can not find hapiness no matter where I look for it. I am just so lost. I just feel it would all be so much easier and almost better, if I could have just one more xanax. I cannot deal with anything sober. I feel helpless and I don't know what to do.
15 Responses
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Avatar universal
How I wish I had your sobriety.......honestly, what an accomplishment.  I'm not completely off my meds however I've cut back so much I'm struggling right now myself.  After I log off, I'm going to stay busy which really seems to help.  Just get out of the house and walk around the block if you have to.....just stay busy and do your best to stay physically away from the pills.  From what I read in this forum, the anxiety and "lusting" for the pill will eventually go away.....just live your life one day at a time, one second at a time if you have to and stay busy.  You will get through this.....

Bionic Man
Helpful - 0
633768 tn?1232834261
hey little girly hows it going good i hope, that was avery sweet thing to say in your post, im so so proud of you, im glad you went to the dr, i hope these new meds work out for you. you hang in there, and hold that head high you deserve it. just remember i can do all things through christ which streghthens me. jennifer........  :)
Helpful - 0
684343 tn?1231430840
I Went to the doctor today, told her everything i was feeling and all that I was going through....told her I couldn't sleep, how i wanted to use so badly,and about my mood swings and depression..she gave me some new meds...celexa for depression, she increased my trazadone, and gave me amitryptilne(forgive my spelling) she said that will help me sleep and will take care of my continuing rls. I am sure praying this works. I also told her about some pain I was having...turns out I cracked 2 ribs when I fell during my siezure!!! Of course I cannot have anything perscribed for the pain. Believe me I am NOT upset about it, I know what would happen if I got somthing...U all have been great helps...I would have used by now if it werent for you...benzo1961-it is Christ that strengthens me! I have been to church every sunday since I got outta rehab-but I missed this past sunday...I am now thinking that is the reason I am not doing so well. Church makes me feel so alive and connected to Christ. It is the best feeling when I am there, and I did not go Sunday!
I am not going to throw all these days away...and it is because of all of you that I have stayed strong. I have made some awesome friends here. I hope I can be an inspiration to people that need it...and you all are of course an inspiration to me...u all hang in there too. God Bless.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hang in there sweetie and don't use it sounds so good to you right now but try to remember how hard it was to get to day 52 and what a bigg acomplishment that was don't throw it away everybody has off days I have them all the time but you can't give up pray and ask god to help you he will.Have you tried 5htp to help with your depression? it has worked wonders for me please try it you can get it at wal-mart over the counter it is an amino acid .
snowflake
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
after the drugs go away we are left with a void. it's the same void we covered with those drugs. Now that they are gone we still have life to contend with, but now without a way to cope. But that way of coping was destructive and what you need are constructive ways of dealing with life and filling that void. It is in you.  A good first step was getting on here and telling people what was going on. Have you prayed? journaling is good. helping others works wonders. go to meetings and try to work a recovery program with a sponsor. your life will change and you will feel better. keep the faith and keep in touch
Helpful - 0
633768 tn?1232834261
HEY GIRL JUST READ YOUR POST, LISTEN WHATEVER U DO HANG IN THERE, YOU HAVE COME ALONG WAY, IM SO PROUD OF YOU, NO MATTER WHAT DONT GIVE IN. JUST FROM TALKING TO YOU I CAN TELL YOUR A VERY SWEET AND INTELLIGIANT PERSON, HEY WE ALL HAVE THOSE BAD DAYS BUT WE CAN CONQUER THEM. YOU KNOW EVEN PEOPLE THAT DONT USE OR DONT KNOW WHAT IT IS TO BE ADDICTED TO A DRUG THEY ALL GO THROUGH BAD DAYS. BOY YESTERDAY I HAD A BAD DAY, I WAS TRYING TO CLEAN UP MY LIVING ROOM AND CHANGE IT AROUND AND I JUST STARTED HOLLERING AND CRYING THOUGHT I COULDNT DO NOTHING RIGHT AND SOMEONE SAID TO ME GO TAKE ANOTHER KLONOPIN AND YOULL BE ALRIGHT, I WAS SO TEMPTED, BUT U KNOW IM NOT GONNA LET SATAN WIN IM GONNA WIN THIS BATTLE, I AM DOWN TO .5 2 X ADAY, AND IVE STRUGGLED AND WORKED SO HARD TO GET THERE, SO ANYWAY AFTER I THOUGHT ABOUT IT ALL , I SAID ABOUT 3 OR 4 TIMES I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHICH STREGHTENS ME, AND YOU KNOW I WON, TRY IT IT WORKS, JESUS IS WITH US ALWAYS HE KNOWS WHAT WERE GOING THROUGH. AND WE WILL WIN I PROMISE. SORRY TO HEAR HOW UR BROTHER TALKED TO YOU, I KNOW DEEP DOWN IN HIS HEART HE IS SORRY TO.  FAMILY MEMBERS CAN BE VERY CRUEL SOMETIMES I KNOW. I GO THROUGH IT TO, BUT PLEASE JUST HANG IN THERE , WE CAN DO THIS.  JENNIFER............  :)    I GIVE YOU A (APLUS) 100 FOR WHAT YOU HAVE ACCOMPLISHED.  WRITE BACK SOON
Helpful - 0
711224 tn?1344771687
Hey girl,
Hold on, hold on tight, make your friend proud for all the support she gave you. 52 days girl!!! that's an achievement, yours. Be proud of yourself.
keep posting, we're all here to help each other.
hugzzz coming right at ya
Helpful - 0
715482 tn?1286833249
Hey sweety...i know times are tough, you might be dealing with PAWS right now, its enduced by stress and stressful times, but it can go away in afew days or less, please hold yourself out from taking anything.  you will feel better, i promise...please keep venting because we all understand the hard times.. <3
Helpful - 0
495284 tn?1333894042
COMMUNITY LEADER
Give your body and mind time to heal.  Your life will come back and it will be better than it was.  I remember thinking right after i had gone thru wd's why do i feel like this as i thought everything should be back to normal.  It just takes time.  Think positive thoughts!!!   stay strong         sara
Helpful - 0
684343 tn?1231430840
It is not my family..they have done everything to support me as i go through this. My brother appologized-said he was having a fight with his girlfriend and didn't mean what he said. But it still hurt. I guess me and my dad just bump heads alot...were alot alike in some ways. I just feel so sad about everything and I don't understand it. I feel like when I quit everything was sopposed to be better, and right now it is not. I feel so negative, and i don't want to be this way! I want to have my old life back, the way i was before pills took over. I don't know how to get there...
Helpful - 0
620307 tn?1234797792
I agree w/Norcee- life is hard.. soo hard... and if we start to believe and accept that when it's hard we can "escape" through a substance of some kind, we will always be escaping- I dont think there is anyone who had to stop using pills that ever said they didnt enjoy it, at least at SOME point, otherwise they wouldnt have started! but there is A REASON that you STOPPED and they stopped- and its that reason you have to hold onto- because no matter how great the escape felt, it only brought new pain, just a different one- maybe one u thought u could control....at SOME point, but none of us can- at least none of us on here, lol.
You will get thru the hard times and you can only do that sober, otherwise you're only going to face different hard times down the line.
GOOD LUCK! im very proud, 52 days is a HUGE deal and you can totally make it thru- listen to some good music to help, that helps me.  Im 133 days sober off of percosets and oxys and although my life TOTALLY ***** right now, i know that the pleasure I felt from the pills wasnt real, and the pain coming off was so much worse.
Email me if you ever need to talk!
GOOD LUCK!! Big hugs!
~Vicky
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Don't do it.  I stopped using for about 2 months and relapse now I have to start all over again.  I thought I could control it and stay at a low tolerance.  I thought since I had 2 months off that I would be ok.  I was wrong and now not looking forward to trying to quit again... Good luck and stay strong...
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
ambam,   i am not going to say the strong message.  the will power message.  i feel like you.  i feel depressed , my life isn't working , and i don't know how to make it work,  and even though there is so much i don't miss about pills ,  so much i hated about pills,  at least i knew i could feel differently for some period of time .  something i could take would make me feel differently .  it is not a solution but sometimes you just crave feeling better.  i am not going to use,  i would never take tram,  it was vile.  there are some things that change your state of mind.  hard exercise,  dancing,  meditation,  going to some group activity like a drama class or something.  at least during the period you are there it changes your state.
   ambam,  families mostly are downers.  yours sounds like it.  i tried to stay loyal to my family but sometimes you can't .  they can destroy you.   please, all other,  i know there are wonderful families.  but if yours isn't ,  LEAVE THEM BEHIND>  
sorry if this was a bummer post.  i wanted to be honest with you.  sometimes i think the encouragement to stay strong is meant well but doens't honor the place you are.  
Helpful - 0
710513 tn?1247522479
Hey amben,  first off don't give up..you should be so vry proud of 52 days.....Don't let other people dictate how you feel about yourself....I  know that's easy to say, but you should feel so good about being 52 days that nobody can knock ouu down...

you hang in there...i am sure it's a rough patch but it will smooth out..and think how disappointed you will be if you give in.....SO DON'T..

Best wishes.

Jambo
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
what ever you do,please dont pick up.i'm so proud of you,52 days.that yours to keep,don't let anyone take that away from you no matter what.alot is going on with you right now,i'm sure yo'll miss your friend and i can understand how tough that can be.she will always be there for you,just a little further away.living with parents can be tough,your brother calling you a loser i'm sure hurt but maybe he had his own issue that day,who knows.DON'T LET ANYBODY RENT SPACE IN YOUR HEAD.you are doing this,i wish i was were you are at.good luck
Helpful - 0
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