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5549258 tn?1449083082

Im back and its a whole lot worse this time around

A few years ago i had some people help me on this forum. Well im ashamed to say im right back where i was 2 years ago but this time its worse. I wrecked my car last week on my way to  yup u guessed it. Buy pills. And i made it out free of injury. My life flashed in front of me and i had a moment to decide. Is this really what i want? Death. I mean staring me in the face. Its fukin scary so yeah. Here i am a week off roxy 30s and im fine. I took two sub the first two days and i feel ok. Now heres the thing. When i imagine how i destryed my life from pills. Its very depressing from a beautyful condo by Disney to a mold infested trailer with my sis. Can u imagine. A nice car to a pos thats now wrecked. Can u imagine what its like knowing how far down i went. When you cant find the light. All while withdrawling. Depression at its finest. God this *****   i just needed to vent
10 Responses
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Avatar universal
you still with us here.???  we can help  but you need to open up to us  please post  dont give up on yourself..........Gnarly
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Oh my I'm so sorry you are in this position. As bad as you feel, I'm glad you are with your sister and away from the usual crowd. Now, what you gonna do my friend? I remember when I was using, I would always think to myself, I should. NOT be driving. Come back to us Tim. Let's get this done once and for all.
Helpful - 0
495284 tn?1333894042
COMMUNITY LEADER
Come back and talk to us.  You cant do this alone.
Helpful - 0
4522800 tn?1470325834
StayingClean..Where are YOU?

You got some wonderful support from all the above. Hope all is OK!
Give us a update and stick around here for Support too. Hit those meetings for sure!
Helpful - 0
6990909 tn?1435275816
Hey there.  I remember you as well.  You were so proud of your new car and your new place...and even a new phone if I remember right.  You worked hard for those things.  You now must work just as hard to get yourself healthy.  I'm sorry to hear that you wrecked your car and came close to death...maybe this is your rock bottom.  I hope so...I hope this is the end of the roller-coaster ride.  You have fought before and know what you need to do.  This time around, stay the course and find yourself a solid aftercare program.  Being clean and staying clean is doable...it takes work and is worth every bit of it!
Stick around here.  Reach out.  Vent.  Ask questions.  Folks here want nothing more than to support you through this...and I don't just mean through the WD's.  
You can do this dude!
Helpful - 0
3060903 tn?1398565123
I remember feeling exactly as you did, All i can say is as bad as it is for you right now, as far as you've fallen, it could be far worse, and i'm not even talking about dying. I'm talking about jail for life, after driving impaired and killing some poor sot on his way home to their family. Or having no sister, no trailer, just a card board box and jacket for warmth. I know you're a hurtin' unit right now, but PLEASE thank your lucky stars that you have a jumping off point that is at least safe, and you have at least one loved ones who'll have anything to do with you. Be grateful for all the calamity that did not happen, rather than to regret the calamity that did.

I'm glad that you came back, and hope that you are making your plans for meetings and a sponsor. It is free and available to you now. I've been clean and sober for  16 years now, and it all started when i admitted my problem to others, and became as involved with my recovery as i was with my using.

Can you let us know when you can go to a meeting?
Helpful - 0
4341997 tn?1514588688
Hey there....I remember you...sorry you are still on this roller coaster ride.  Didn't you move out of FL?  I remember you lived not too far from me.  Hope you are feeling better.  You have to dig deep and find that strength that you know you have.  You have got to keep pushing thru the dark days and know better days are around the corner.  Get some support for sure.  You can't do this alone.  Any kind of aftercare is better than none.  Meetings are free, so maybe start there.  Keep posting for support.  I'm not around every day like I used to be but I'll check in on you.  Hang in there!  
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Ya I'm only 3 months clean, but having to deal with life without our pills is a lot harder than the withdrawals that's the damn truth!! I feel myself slipping away from addiction though it's alive and well in my head!! Knowing that is scary and life is so hard without drugs but you have to find that reason to want to stay clean! The "I dont want to be controlled anymore" isn't good enough. Sorry to say this but maybe that car wreck was a blessing in disguise.. A wake up call but now you need a reason to stay clean maybe you have a kid like I do that's my motivation and trust there are days i am trying so hard to talk myself into a RELASPE but then I see my son and that does it for me.  I'm in NA not because I like it or it helps but because it's good to vent and help and let others help you! I still don't like going to NA but I like my sponser I like being aware of my situation or I should informed. Though I look at it like this im still clean so it's working for me I guess and I'm not going to change it up if it's working!!! So get into NA!! force yourself!!! Even when you think it's not for you stay!! Someome on this forum said you don't usually see NA people posting about their relaspe.... Let that one sick inn!  Obviously you know all about w/d so no need to talk about them but having to change up your life is hard.. Keeping active not because you want to but because you have to or you get bored and think about drugs. I'm stressed and overwhelhemed day in and day out, but I get home and I have a dog that goes crazy my kids saying dad and a wife that's always here for me. It's making me teary eyed just typing this so why in the **** would I relaspe I got all I ever wanted in front of me! Though on drugs I was numb I didn't have these feelings Its defiantly a struggle to stay clean.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hey  glad you found your way back ...as you can see this is a progressive disease that only gets worst with time  for most of us the detox is the ez part it is staying clean that takes the work ...im sure we told you aftercare is a critical part of recovery  and for me the N/A progam has given me my life back it is free the meeting are only a hour long  and with time you will loose the desire to use  something I thought was impossible give it a try  if it will work for a old dope fiend like me it will work for anyone  google a N/A meeting in your area and check it out....................................Gnarly......................................
Helpful - 0
4522800 tn?1470325834
StayingClean!

I was wondering were you went off too. Did you go to any of those Meetings these past Years?? Now you really got a eye opener on what can happen if we keep going down this road. Thank your God that you are still alive.
NOW it is time to really UP your Support System.  Stay away from people who use or can bring you down and trigger you to use. Remember, people, places & things..I think you know the Drill. This time either do it or change what had happen to make you go back out. This disease or brain disorder is very serious. It is a beast and will take you down at any given moment. Only YOU know what needs to change and by gosh you best work on it. It is sad to hear that you went back out, but do not pack your bags and go on a guilt trip. Get back up in that Saddle and ride toward the Sun. This time take a New Path. Glad you are back!
Bless
Vickie
Helpful - 0
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495284 tn?1333894042
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