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Avatar universal

I'm out of control

hey I'm 17 male and still have no problem with takin drugs... I'm 17 I'll be dead soon.
here's some background info
iv been on stimulants for ADHD and anti depressants since I was about 7 i had always wanted to try weed since I was a little kid.
I started smoking weed in 7th grade jumped to frekin heroin and Xanax in 8th grade I was an iv user btw I kicked heroin and opiates a few times. This past summer I got a hold of 2 bottles of 20mg oxys..

I want to be happy without drugs there all I think about I'm currently takin 2-4 Xanax 2-4 klonopin 90-100mgs of oxy plus cigs and weed every day.
and when I can get booze il throw it in with it all 2.
I'll dip into anything I comeacross..
Friends tell me I look physicaly ill all the time and that there scared for me. I am sick every day suicidal with or without a fix I'm such a sad little waist.

Why after time and time for me that I feel I need to be high to feel happy?
17 Responses
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Avatar universal
Hello, I hope your ok.  I know if you are so messed up at 17 you must have seen a lot and had to deal with a lot in your life.  I don't know if you are closes with a parent / teacher/ sibling / friend.  But someone must really want to help you.  You need help.  Please get help.  

I have been surfing through these comments on these sites trying to understand your addiction.  My brother in law is also addicted to pills and weed - who knows what else.  My sister had to give him the choice of her and their child or his addictions - he picked his addiction.  We are all trying so hard to get him help but he has to do it on his own.  He also has been doing this stuff since he was a very young man and now at 29 he thinks he has no problem ( I know down deep he knows ) But he is going to loose everything if he does not get clean.  But by reading all these comments I can see why it is so hard to quit.  It's like you are posessed by a devil- get him out of your life.  

Sol5 you have so much still left to do in your life - even if it has been not great so far you can have so much to experiance ( life / love / family/ ) you just need to get it together.  

One of my best friends commited suicide ( there is nothing I wouldn't of done for him ) if I only knew what he was going to do.  Taking your life will only make so many very sad pick one of those people and let them help you. Please get some help and let us know -That you are ok.  
Helpful - 0
736475 tn?1281259327
i began using at age 11. had a needle in my arm by 15 and didn't care much what went into it. i was more of an adventurer than a fatalist. i knew no matter what that i wanted to see how everything turns out. never wanted to die. still don't. now i am 46, have 3 fantastic kids, 3 amazing grandkids, a husband who shares my soul,and i definitely more than ever want to see how everything turns out. stick around til the end of the movie. you know you're better than this. find out what your passions are(healthy ones). i believe every person on here will help you in what ever way they can, you just have to let them. are you willing to take some tips from the pro's? there are many on here. do you skate? into music? gotta be something that you love. start with that. please keep posting. you are not alone, not at all. peace.     sway
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
sorry i didnt get back rite away fell asleep, well its been about 7 yrs now for the pills i would take just about anythng but what i manly got was and unfortunatly getn was norco 10/325 thts what the dr gave me and that what is manily avail around here for the most part u can get whatever but ya kno well im up to about 50 norcos a day and its getn to the point were if i evn get a script which i barely get anymore its for like a hundred tht lasts me 2 days i cant do this anymore i been tryn to take less, now thtas a joke cuz it just doesnt work tht way if i got em ill take what i need to feel the best or what i thnk is the best which in fact is the wrost if that makes ant sense. over the last two yrs i been tryn to quite but id say the last 1yr i been really realizing what im doing and that i let this get out of control. i mean whn i started i would eat like one at nite while i was at work or going out and be fine with that i dont even rember how i went from takn one and feeling great to taking like btween 10-12 at a time and feelin like sht its a blurr to me, and id hear about people getn addicted and id say no way dude i can go for however long if i wanted but id say i didnt wana ya kno untill i started up my real job like almost 3 yrs ago and it was the first week so i was like ok im done eatn em no biggie.well lets say it was a pleasnt suprise when id come home from work which was very hard physically in the beggeging and curl up in my bed and just cry and feel like total sht but at first i thought that i felt this way from all the physical work so i actually was like i gota quite this cuz i was sooo misserable and had no idea i was going thru withdrawls untill few days i went to my old hgh buddies house just to get sum nyquil cuz i coulnt stop moving and i needed sum slp well he was like dude ur going thru w/d and i was like no way hes like watch take these pills and i bet ull feel fine but i didnt wana at first i was like no man i startd ths new job i dont wana keep doing it but obviously i did and he was rite i sat on his couch waited watched tv for lil bit and boom i was back thtas when i knew i was adicted and knew i fukd up but at the same time i  was like man i dont ever wana fel that way again so i have just been going and going with the occosiaonal quit. i almost had this beat a few months ago alot stuff fell on me at once it was bad i thought it was for sure my rock bottom like the long post i showed u guys bout money fiancee leavn me parents friends all that i quite for a month and a half and i was doing ok except for the energy and feelings but i was very slowely getn bac to me which has been soooo long i havent been me since b4 i was 13 yrs old i had a few other problems b4 the pills manly coke but i was able to kick tht eventually ,like all of us i have a VERY addictive personality hence the 180% so i shoulda known that ths mita happaned. well that is a quick lil summary and now im back to square one im almost outta my pills and i want to start this back up i just want ths to be the last damn time i kno i have said this on here probably no joke 30-40 with no exagerration but i just want to not center my whole life and day/nite around these pills theres so much of life i am missing out on because of the pills and i wana start living life on my terms not the bottles terms. inthedark hope ur havn a great day and everone else here as well if ur tryn to quit like me be strong and ditch thsi addiction, if ur just startn to quite stay strong and dont look back, and if uve been done for a while keep up the good work and stay positive and be strong.
Helpful - 0
777686 tn?1235804414
Over the last few years my tolerance got bigger and bigger.
I started out on morphine which worked for a while...until it didn't.
Then I moved to Daluid. That was pretty cool until is wasn't...
Then I moved onto oxy's. For some reason I really liked them the best.
I would get 30's unbuffered from my doctor.
I would get 120 at a time.
That was suppose to last me the month, but you know how that goes.
They would usually last me 7-10 days.
On the times where they would only last 7 days, you can do the math.
When I was hung up in a serious bender I would snort 6-10 at a time...a few times a day.
When I got into school I thought that would change, but it didn't.
In fact it got worse. At school I was watch the clock.
I would bring a pile of them and hit them in the bathroom during breaks.
Just saying that,hurts me a little.
How far I have falling.
Well I guess the good part is, I am climbing out of that trap right now.

What is your plan,
What is your dose?

Joshua From Oregon
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
There's a great line in the Exocist in which the elderly priest admonishes the younger priest not to engage in dialogue with Satan as he "mixes lies with the truth". I think that, at least from where I sit, there's too much dishonesty regarding drug abuse because too many people ignore the powerful fact that, indeed, drugs make us feel good. I've taken a vile of oxymorphose before teaching college classes and had them rolling on the floor in laughter...Demoral makes you feel as if you could fight the Russian Army with a sling shot...That's the truth, but we all know that there's a price to pay, and we all know the costs of drug tuition: ruined lives, unmet potential, squandered precious time, guilt---let alone the physical toll...Yet, it goes on and on and on...There were 200.000 heroin addicts coming out of the Civil War! So, this ain't going away anytime soon...It's an old cliche, but an object will stay in motion as long as its tradjectory is not disrupted...In my case, a 36 year abuser, I finally got sick n tired of being sick n tired...I also got sick to searching high and low for a pharmacy that carries the stuff...Florida has some FDA thing going on now, which has forced me to quit, and I am quitting and will..I lost a brother to this demon and I'm trying to break the family tradition...In add, at least in my case, Oxy has destroyed my interest in sex, which for me ain't normal....It's a great life to be had but be honest about it...And don't engage that devil for He will mix truth with lies.."A doctor perscribed it; it's been vetted...Cool people take it....I get my job done...I'm not hurting anyone....Guess what? You are: the man in the mirror and all the people who care about you...Harsh words to be sure but I can tell you from experience, that it's very hard to serve 2 masters: especially when one begins with the letter O, and I'm not talking Omega Fish Oil...
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
hey it really is good to be back talkn with u again it seems like its been forever i kno i caved for the christening i woulda been a mess in front of family and friends i convinced myself that i would just take sum just for the mass and thats it and that was last sunday and im still going strong but thts usuallu the case once i go back its usually for a decent amount of time, but i really trully am not happy at all with what im doing and i cnt stop thnkn bout just getn beter i cant wait to have sum peace of mind and be dun with ths sht ya kno bud im so glad and proud of u  man u gave us a scare tho no one heard from ya for a few days but i am glad u held strong and ur stl kickn azz. hows bucks doing u8 talk with em latley i thnk hes doing good havent talk em lil bit tho. what u up so late for u  usually arent on here ths late at least i havnet seen ya on ths late b4. and i gota sk hows ur day to day energy and cravings? i forget exactly how much u were doing a day its been a while.

and SOL buddy look at me and dark we meet a few days ago and a few others and were helping eachother thu or hard times i have never meet these people in my life but i can honesly say withouty a doubt in my soul that i truly care for each and every one of them like we been friends for yrs it is so helpful when u get that and u to can have that if u just come back and talk it thru we will be here for ya i mean it. be strong bro
Helpful - 0
777686 tn?1235804414
Listen to JT Sol5.
There is nothing worth doing that for.
When you make it out of this mess you will think back on it as nothing more than a dark season.
A distant painful memory.
YOU CAN DO THIS.
Saying goodbye has been the hardest thing I have ever had to do.
You are still so young.
You have the whole world in front of you.
It is yours for the taking.
Anything you want.
Its yours.....the drugs they tie your hands.

Cut the ties that bind, reach out, and grab it.
This place helps, trust me.
If JT and I can do it, you shouldn't have any problems.

Joshua From Oregon.
P.S. JT808 it is so nice to see you.
How is the fight going?
I am on day ten and I am fully ready to be your 'detox buddy'.
You are way to smart to be putting this off.
I am on the other side of the fence and the grass is greener.
Trust me.
I wouldn't lie...now tell me can pills say the same?
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I can tell you that I have been high, drunk, stoned on and off for 36 years...I smoked my first joint, literally behind a dumpster when I was 12....I always kept my shoes shined, took care of business and went on to be "successful" by a narrow definition...My suggestion, and I speak as a person who is just about off Oxy, that you have to establish modest and obtainable victories...I'm into about day 7 of a modified cold turkey taper...I just keep telling myself that I don't want to live this way anymore...It killed my younger brother, who was a genius type who medicated his introversion with dilaudid and demerol...get those small victories under your belt and you'll start feeling like a winner...But make no mistake, getting off of opiates is an endevor that one approaches with a degree of intrepedation and healthy fear...I'm almost there...I'm having chills in 78 degree weather and I can't sleep, but I feel the **** exiting my system by the hour...
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
hey man post and lets us kno whats going on belive it or not people on her REALLY do care about u and ur well being so plz just post and let us kno what sur deal is aight...
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
man i feel for ya bro but there is a beter way of life i am havn a hard time myself thnkn bout life witout a buzz cuz like u ive beed going strong since 13 yrs old im 25 so belive it or not i kno how ya feel but i am slowly realizn that this is def no way to live and i wana be normal again evn tho i am sooo scared of the life with the high def dont thnk bout the sucide there is nothn that bad in this world worth doing that over trust me tomorows another day and ull get thru thios and so will i keep ur chin up kid and let me kno if i can do anythn 4 ya, i mean that....
inthe dark whats goin on bud good to see u on here givn the good word hows things???
Helpful - 0
777686 tn?1235804414
Are you there?

Let me know what you need and I will help you.

Joshua From Oregon
Helpful - 0
777686 tn?1235804414
Don't talk like that man.
I know how you feel right now.
I am in the same boat.
Everything looks black for a little while but remember, it is always darkest before dawn.
You can do this.
We can do this.
Do you really want it?
I bet you if you are honest, you do.
We can do this together.

Fellow Junkie/happiness chaser,
Joshua From Oregon
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
R.I.P
Helpful - 0
495284 tn?1333894042
COMMUNITY LEADER
What type of home life do you have??  Are your parents aware of what you are doing??  You need to figure out what you are trying to run from.  Talk with us here.  You are going down a dead end road......You are not a waste.  You are important and worthwhile.     sara
Helpful - 0
718869 tn?1236260459
You have been takin drug for so long and your so young, I feel bad your feeling the way you do. Takin your life is not at all good. You need to see how the clean life lives. you o it to yourself to see the other side. You need to find help where you can go away for it. sign yourself into some place to detox and talk to someone. You 17 so you should be on your parents health plan. you need to look into that now! i am telling you give it a chance what do you have to loose. keep reading here and keep posting. best of luck to u!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Your last sentence is what you need to figure out. The best advice I can give you is get some help, you don't have to live like this dude and I know how you feel. When all hope is gone and you know your killing yourself, it's time to surrender. You are still young, I waited years and years to fix my problem. Please keep posting and we will help you figure out a way to beat this. Life is waiting for you, but it won't be one with the path your on. Are you willing to get some help? We are here to listen, good luck.
Helpful - 0
774736 tn?1311331385
You need to figure that out for yourself but everyone is capable of quitting...I was addicted to OCs, percocet, and marijuana...Ive been clean from oxys and percs for over six months...I recently quit smoking marijuana 2 months ago and now all I have left to quit is cigarettes and im 21...Just try to eliminate them one at a time.

Get on this forum everytime you feel an addiction and stay away from people that are irresponsible(druggies).
Helpful - 0
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