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I'm so frustrated

I'm so frustrated. I've been talking to my husband and he told  me i was making too big of deal out of this. This is s big deal to me. I have been living the last three years if my life in a drugged stupor. And now to quit I'm very scared. And worst of all he has to leave for work in the morning and will be gone for two weeks so here I am with two screaming children facing this on my own. And I don't want to make him feel bad but I wish he would be here to help me but I know he can't it just *****. But I put myself in thus mess and the only way out is through it. Very depressed
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1926359 tn?1331588139
I know it's hard but try not to let shame and guilt rule you while you go through the detox process-it's hard enough.  Your kids will understand and you are giving them the best gift you could ever give them...and for Christmas(:  I'm so happy to hear you have support at home-I don't know what I would do without mine.  And you are not weak-life is sometimes a terrible heartbreaking journey-I am a Hospice volunteer and so I understand grief-everyone deals differently...Please try not to judge yourself.  The past is the past and all you can do is get through each moment until the next becomes brighter....Sending support....Lu
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Avatar universal
Well about a year ago my husband and I were both taking vicodin but he just decided to quit and poof he was done. He felt bad but just went to work. It makes me feel weak. At the same time my addiction has "helped" me cope with different losses. I like to ignore the things I've had to endure the biggest one was working with a man who became one of my best friends I watched him die over six years from ALS, one if the most terrible diseases I have ever encountered. The last year I was his primary caretaker. He was on a ventilator and that entails s lot of different work that I was terrified to do but somehow mustered up the courage to do. He had an endless supply of vicodin. And I realized if I took a few during the day it made watching the pain of this family I loved so much bearable not to mention all the work and pain I dealt with of my own. When he passed I continued to hide my grief by popping pills. And now you know the rest. My father is going to watch my kids. But they still want me and don't understand why mommy is sick. I hate that I have dine this to them. I just want to be done now and on the other side of this addiction before it takes everything important in my life. My husband is s wonderful man he just wants me not to concentrate on how awful it's going to be. But for me it's just terrifying. But I Am going to do this I have to! Thanks for the support and for letting me share it means so much!
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Avatar universal
i know what you mean.  i haven't got husband but my parents are the same way.  if i had told them about my "problem" they would have been livid instead of supportive.  they don't believe in addiction.  they get pain pills and take a half of one and then put them in the cabinet.  it was my mom who actually suggested years ago that i take a perc. for my back.  i refused until the pain got so bad.  i took one and that was it.  within about 3 months i had taken them all.  50.  back then that was good.  50 in 3 months but fast forward to years later.  50 would only last me 10 days.  they believe addiction is weakness.  same when i was a drinker.  i quit that no problem.  but the damn pills were a different story.  easily hidden.  

i had discussed my problem noone until i quit a few months ago.  my half brother was supportive, somewhat.  my friend.  not supportive.  she does cocaine.  she is one of the ones who can do it then go without, no problems.  if she doesn't have the money for it, she just doesn't do it.  unlike me who didn't have the money but still go them. she does't understand my addiction either.  only the people on here do.  for that i am grateful.  

i digress, just do your best.  it's hard.  but you can do it.  your'e in my prayers.  

t~
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I know it's not easy especially when you have kids to worry about.  I take care of my 14 month old grand daughter.  When I told my family what I was going to do my daughter made aggrangements for someone to take her for one day and then my husband took a vacation day, so for the 1st 2 days I didn't  have to worry.  By the 3rd day I was feeling a little bit better and was able to take care of her.  I was very lucky to have help during those first couple of days.  Taking care of her took my mind off of how crappy I was feeling!  You can do this!  Keep posting and reading on this forum, there is a lot of great advice.  It helped my soooo much.  Oh yeah and praying like crazy!  Good luck!
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Avatar universal
HI .....its hard for a non addict to grasp ahold of what where going threw thats why we push aftercare so hard it gives you people that have been where your at to help you along they will understand your frustration ....I can relate on a very personal level my wife got sick when we had 4 kids uder the age of 10 she was bedridden for over 5yrs so everything was on me it was overwhelming but God will give you the strength to get threw it if you can find a friend or relative to take the kids for 1hr a week you could hit an N/A meeting and it will do you a world off good if you treat this thing with aftercare itis much ezer to deal with + that hr away from the kids will do you some good....I was very fornicate to have a supportive wife with 23yrs clean time she was and still is supportive but I still dont think she really understands what a grip opiates have on your life when your stuck in the trap ....anyway just let this incourage you to seek out some help wile going threw this dont try and do it alone good luck and God bless.....Gnarly    
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Avatar universal
Stick close by the forum for lots of help and moral support as you detox. What is it that you're stopping? Have you thought about a taper because of the children getting on your last nerve when you are having withdrawal symptoms? Do you have a doctor in your corner that can monitor and otherwise assist you? I wish you all the best of success with this plan of yours!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hey I know it ***** but honestly this may be a blessing. Do you have to go into an office and keep up appearances?  Your kids can't fire you and u will be a better mom in the end. Plus your husband won't see you at your worst which can be held against you. Id hire out childcare for the first 4 days even if you have to use a credit card to ge cash. It's cheaper than a detox center. Take a look at the Thomas recipe. It will help a lot. You WILL get through this and be a new person when your spouse gets home. He will be amazed. If he isn't a drug taker then ge won't ever get it. My wife teaches college classes on drugs and addiction and still couldn't understand my addiction. Only people who have that gene that have been through it truly understand. You are in the right spot here. Everyone understands and is supportive. Post frequently and you will receive a lot of support, encouragement, and great tips. Good luck and please know that we all know what you feel like. It s u cks but totally worth it in the end!  Gim
Helpful - 0
1926359 tn?1331588139
I am so sorry and can relate to your frustration...the whole wanting to get it over and done with because you can't stand to feel this way for one more moment....Do you have other family or friends that can help?  I can't imagine detoxing and being a mother.  I just went through my two weeks of hell and have infinite respect for those that do this and take care of others during...I wish I could say something to help-just know that we are all here for whatever we can give you...And you're right-all I keep telling myself is that the only way out is through.  Just try to keep the end game in sight-how much better and healthier and happier you are going to be very soon.  And be kind to yourself.  Compassionate.  Gentle.  You can do this....Lu
Helpful - 0
1895503 tn?1332373374
Hi, I want to write you.  I am so tired now, and about to fall asleep.  I just want to tell you that I understand. I am going through a taper.  I am a mom of an 8-year-old girl.  you can post me a note.  I will be in touch tomorrow.  You can send me a private note if you want to talk.  I can be there to help.
Marie
Helpful - 0
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