Aa
Aa
A
A
A
Close
3112653 tn?1351622081

Im still here and sober

hey guys first I want to thank all of you for your kind words and support through this terrible time losing josh. I just wanted to let you all know that I'm still here and still kicking. even thou I thought I would cave and wouldnt make it through the layout and the funeral, I reached deep inside myself and found the strength to deal and try to heal.
I took the advice that was given to me I put all aside and only dealt with the loss of my josh. I had my best friends by myside I diddnt have my bf but realized I diddnt need him or chemical help to get through what I had to get through. I had everything I needed right inside of me. I went to the bridge where they had his candles. me and daughter stood right where he fell. and as I stood in the freezing cold with my lighter relighting his candles a train came me and my daughter both stop and watched as it came closer. As it passed under our feet I closed my eyes the intensity and power of the train was unreal I could not imagine what my josh went through as he left this world. but as it went under me I let go of so many feelings it was like something just left my body it was a sense of peace and freedom. I said goodbye to my godson on that bridge and I made a promise to him that I would stay clean.
Early that night what really got to me was when I found josh's mom she grabed me and hugged me so tight and whispered in my ear Josh loved you so much and he would want to tell you not to use his death as a reason to use that would break his heart he was proud of how much you overcame and how strong you have been. and I knew that I could not use such a tragedy and tranish my godson memorie by caving I would be strong and stay on the path of sobriety and I have done just that I made it through and I will continue to make it through. we all can do it no its no easy but its worth it I love you all and thank you I'm still healing and dealing with alot but I'm doing clean baby. solost
8 Responses
Sort by: Helpful Oldest Newest
3060903 tn?1398565123
I teared up as well. You're strength is a blessing to us all as is your presence. Rest in Peace Josh!! You are forever loved.
Helpful - 0
3120424 tn?1347170032
This post made me all teary-eyed. Hope you continue to find peace and keep his memory alive <3
Helpful - 0
3112653 tn?1351622081
thank you all for you wonderful words and for always being there for me, I feel better today I'm getten ready for my daughters 17th birthday party she had the most wonderful idea my kids are amazing I must have done something right. she said mom would you care if we light candles and say a prayer and wish we were here josh we miss you when we blow out my candles I teared up and said of course we can hun, see josh has never missed one of here birthdays or her missed one of his so as we celebrate her turning 17 we will be remembering him as well. I woke up this morning with a sense of peace and so thankful I diddnt break I feel a lil more like myself today besides I gotta get busy being mom I have 30 some teenagers who are comen to my house but thats cool the more the betters I love to have all the kids running around they are so full of life. but thank you guys you helped me keep my 116 days clean plus I know that josh would have just been so sad if I had broke I never kept my addiction a secret from him or anyone for that matter it is who I was. and I will always be an addict theres just a dif between being and addict and being in full blown addiction even thou the voice will always pop up and tell me lies I have the strength to say I cant and wont listen to you we all have that ability in us. if you can yes you can say no to. keep up the fight my fellow warriors and thank you all for being my friends I will never find the words to express how much you all have meant to me. love and light you all will be seeing a lil more of me on the forum LOL
Helpful - 0
2030769 tn?1343647674
this gave me chills.  You are such an inspiration to me.  Just continue to take care of yourself, you will get through this.
Helpful - 0
4149717 tn?1389503561
Im so sorry for the pain you have but proud that you have been able to overcome the need to run for the hills and use again! When tragedy, loss or grief comes into our lives, thats when we find out how strong we can be! You have made it through one of the hardest struggles and you have not only made yourself proud but you have made him proud!

I wish the best for you and your family during this time and hope you continue to find your strength
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Your story bought me to tears. Im sorry for your loss. But this is a chance for you not to mourn the loss but to celebrate His life. He would not want you to live in misery. You have enough memories to last you a lifetime. Use those as strength to keep going. Best of luck to you on your journey!
Helpful - 0
495284 tn?1333894042
COMMUNITY LEADER
I am so proud of you~~What an amazing woman you are~~
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Best wishes in your healing journey. Way to be present with suffering and connect with the people sharing your painful experience.
Your post is inspiring a new member to have the courage that it takes to face life without a "false sense of well being".
Helpful - 0
Have an Answer?

You are reading content posted in the Addiction: Substance Abuse Community

Top Addiction Answerers
495284 tn?1333894042
City of Dominatrix, MN
Avatar universal
phoenix, AZ
Learn About Top Answerers
Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
Is treating glaucoma with marijuana all hype, or can hemp actually help?
If you think marijuana has no ill effects on your health, this article from Missouri Medicine may make you think again.
Julia Aharonov, DO, reveals the quickest way to beat drug withdrawal.
Tricks to help you quit for good.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.