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Is my husband self-medicating/abusing drugs?

Please tell me what to make of this situation. My husband has the following going:
1. long-standing Rx for buproprion (150 mg, 2 pills in the a.m.)
2. 360 pills of immediate release 10 mg generic adderall 3-4x/day but has never been diagnosed ADHD/ADD - filled Nov. 2014 and its now March 2015, about 8 pills left
3. Daily marijuana user since teen years (currently age 39). Medical use is legal in our state, he had a license for it which expired last year, but still using daily.
4. Every 6-8 months, prescriptions for tramadol (50 mg, 60 pills), lorazepam (1mg, 30 pills), Hydrocodone/acetaminophen 10-325 T (60 pills), or 800mg Ibuprofin - always for temporary back pain (i.e. woke up with back ache).
5. Drinks alcohol while taking these meds, but not in a way that's at all abusive or dependent.

Would it be worse if these were ALL prescribed by "a family member" in another person's name?  

There's a lot of secrecy and lies around #2 above, including paying $400 out of pocket for it when we have insurance that covers it. And I'm confused about #4, why write it for 60 pills when the back ache will be gone in a week?

On top of all of this - if you haven't guessed it already - we're having severe problems in our three year old marriage. He is so, so unhappy with me as his wife. I can never make him happy enough and everything I do makes him unhappy.

I am a loyal person and need to understand if our marital issues are just me-as-a-terrible-wife, or possibly also due to something more, as shown by all this drug activity and/or the reason for it?

Thank you for any help. This is the first time I've reached out or told this to anyone, so I appreciate your support and patience with me.
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Avatar universal
How are you holding up honey?

I have to ask this: has he ever put his hands on you?  Pushed you?  Anything?

Emotional and verbal abuse is horrific, because you can't see the bruises and cuts; they're in your soul.

This is a sad situation you are in, but you have a child to think about, and luckily, it isn't his.   How old is your child again?   This is only a 3 year marriage; I don't know how long you knew him before you got married...hopefully you don't have too much of an emotional investment in him.  

Everyone on here is correct; you aren't talking to him; you're talking to his addiction, and its got him by the throat.  Intelligent addicts are the WORST; they rationalize and play elaborate head games with you that can really mess you up psychologically.  

The lawyer is key.   If you own the house together, it can get sticky (who leaves first, etc.)  

I was married to a doctor.   He was not an addict, but he was very damaged mentally and without divulging too much, I was on the brink of committing myself to a mental hospital after 11 years of marriage to him.  We had a daughter together.  I took her, my car, a futon, and an old tv and just LEFT.   We had a big house, lots of stuff, he made good money.  I walked away from all of it.   Never even got my wedding crystal back...it didn't matter.   He was playing mind games with me that were causing me to have serious mental issues.  AND....he had me totally convinced it was all ME.  Thank GOD I had a therapist, who after about a year, said to me "Look, I don't normally tell my patients this, but you HAVE to get out, and I mean TODAY."  

This guy was so messed up; he had me convinced I was a fat, disgusting, undesirable freak.   At one point, he called me a "train wreck."   I had dieted down to under 100 pounds, changed my hair color, cut it, twisted myself into a pretzel to try and make him happy, but nothing worked.  

It was hard to leave, but I'm so glad I did.    I hope you decide to as well.  Don't question yourself, sweetie...the things he is saying to you aren't what a normal, happy, well adjusted spouse says.  

Please keep in touch...we care...
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Wow, he's got it bad. I actually have had these same conversations with my husband, a narcissistic, spiteful, immature alcoholic. Just wanted to commend you on your great strength and fortitude during that talk, and remind you that absolutely none of it is true. You are a good and very normal woman (aren't we all fat in our heads) and you and your son deserve so much more than this! Drop everything and see the lawyer while he still has assets.  So sorry for this. He's abusing you.
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Avatar universal
Real180 said it perfectly!!!!
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Avatar universal
I've been following your posts and I just wanted to add a few things.. Firstly, I am very sorry you are going through this, but unfortunately us addicts treat the people we love the worst.. I thinks it's clear to you that your husband is in the throws of addiction, I too treated my wife very similar to how your are being treated.. Call it controlling, egotistical or whatever, the bottom line is that his addiction is doing the talking now and he is the only one who can stop it.. I relapsed at the end of last year and my wife found pills that I hid and I stood there and argued with her that I didn't have a problem (read some of my old posts as I go through it in detail).. In short I called her names, asked for a divorce and blamed anything and everything on her while she was holding the EFFIN pills in her hand and at the time I was convinced I was NOT in the wrong.. I'm SURE every addict on this forum has similar crazy stories of our manipulation tactics to protect our ability to continue using.. I understand how frustrating and perplexing this is to you especially when all common sense is thrown out the window.. You are trying to reason with an unreasonable person right now who ironically is the ONLY one who can make this stop.. I am also a professional who hid my addiction and it wasn't until I was very, very close to losing everything (wife, kids, business, friends and etc) that I decided enough is enough.. I hope and pray your husband wakes up to what he is doing and begins the steps to recovery.. In the meantime I suggest you heed the advise of the posters above, check out some meetings to hear first hand how to deal with all this craziness. Stay as positive as possible and my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family...
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Avatar universal
I just reread what I wrote and I want to amend something. When I wrote "if you had any self-esteem, you wouldn't be putting up w/ this." I don't mean there is anything wrong w/ you. I meant, that, an unfortunate trait of those who put up w/ any type of control/abuse is low self-esteem and I was trying to show you that. You are buying this guy's insults. By questioning yourself, you are buying the horrific musings of a severely in denial drug addict. I am quite sure you deserve better in your life.

P.S.- Literally in my meeting last nite, a guy shared, he'd relapsed, he's a doctor. He was scared he would see a patient in our meeting. Doctors are human. Don't let the MD after the name mean anything more then extra years of college. He is an extremely flawed human being. Again, though: focus is on YOU.

Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Oy vay.  

A the start of the conversation he said:  "He told me he's going to do whatever he wants. I said, even if it's not good for [son's name]?  He said, yep, it's time for me to do what's good for me."

Honey, you've been so (emotionally) abused, you don't even recognize abuse. The guy shut down at the start and you kept going w/ your attempts. Then it just escalated. That conversation reminded me of an Energizer bunny: you kept being "hit" and you kept coming back for more. And more. And more.

This guy is not only in horrific denial, he is an arrogant control freak. What happened to the Alanon meeting? You need it desperately. All of your focus is fixing this guy. All of it. That is your life: trying to please, and fix a drug addict. This jerk is right about one thing: your self esteem is lower than low. If you had any, you wouldn't be putting up w/ this. I'm sure that conversation is a repeat of many.

I can't say this any clearer: stop trying. Stop. Your focus has to be on YOU (and your kid.) Go to alanon. You are living in complete insanity. It's hard to read, I feel horrible and angry for you.

Here is direction for you: find and go to an alanon meeting. Do not ask, beg, console, question, reason, complain, analyze, threaten anything at, to or for this dude. Okay?
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