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Jumping off after taper - 2nd time W/D different!

Hello!
I've been on this site for a few years - or at least a year I think, and I won't go into my history because we all have sad and tragic stories of loss and defeat and days of hope and days we want to never get up. 1st time I c/t in November, if was horrible. I lasted 4 days and it was unbearable. With kids and a business, impossible After that I went back on, but thankfully, at 1/2 my dose. I still wonder what choice I made, but that was in the past. This time, I went from 160 mg oxycodone a day to 80 to 20 within a week, then down to 10 and 5 within a few days. Way too fast.
OK, so here I am on day three of not being totally clean, but I took 6 tylenol 2's today. I feel for the most part fine. MUCH better than yesterday when I has 3 percocets 5 mg. I have a few tylenol 2 left, and then I jump off. I got a few short acting diazepams (temazepam, very short 1/2 life) to help me sleep. I can't not sleep as I have to drive kids to daycare and to school - I will NOT endanger my children driving, and I never use when I have to drive my kids.
My question is: my W/D symptoms seem much less sever this time. Other than lethargy, panic, and stomach cramps, no appetite, it's not unbearable. I have waves of "I cannot do this" and I ride it out until it passes.
Once I have no opiates in my system, do the WD have the potential to be as severe as if I were coming off 300-400 mg a day? I think the three month long taper (some days I took more but a general downturn all the way) may have helped me adjust. I fee totally normal right now and my last perc was 1/2 of a 5 mg in the middle of the night because the anxiety made me not be able to catch my breath.
My kids are crying so I have to cut this off, but I have heard that WD is terrible even with low doses as soon as we jump off all drugs. Has anyone noticed a difference in WD each time they do it? Luckily, I managed to taper when I got pregnant and it was no problem to stop, and no ill effects. I have been taking moderate doses for two years, and just last fall it was bad enough where I took the higher doses from 160 mg a day to 400 mg.

Aftercare! I am looking into something. I think about those drugs all the time, and I know relapse is a part of recovery. My brother died last year from alcohol and he said to me: "I'm glad I'm not on pills, now that's hard to get off of" then he died from bleeding in to the stomach at 40. Tells you how hard this is.
Thank you all for your support and guidance. I would not be here if not for all of you. YOU may have saved my life and my family.
Love to all.
4 Responses
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Avatar universal
Hi Michele,

Thanks for the nice props for Canada. The Olympics were fun, but I have to say, I am embarrassed of how the people who ran it wouldn't let other teams practice on the ice and on the tracks - not cool at all. Totally not with the spirit of the games as far as I'm concerned. I have a lot of American friends, and my parents live in the US and are US citizens. I can honestly say, I've never met an American that fit the 'stereotype' that in some countries is prevalent and they've all been smart, aware, and courteous people. I'm sure we canucks have some stereotypes that we can all live without!
I'm really thankful that you have taken the time to write me and offer your support.
Today is hard, I have to work and deal with all kinds of things for my business, as well as handle the driving for my kids. It is the worst time for me to be changing my habits, but I cut off all my supplies and I have to live with the consequences as best I can.

I am not a danger to my kids, I actually slept 7 hours last night and am able to funciton on little sleep because I have two small kids and it comes with the territory.

The panic and anxiety is bad, but I manage it with some low dose short action pills that I am careful to take only if it's really bad. I used to have such little sleep with my first son that I used to pray that I'd be in an accident so I could go to the hospital and sleep - and I was 100% drug free then! That's what sleep deprivation does to you, just makes you insane after a point. So, given that with baby #1 I didn't get 6 straight hours until he was 11 months, I know that I can deal with this insomnia.
I also have a snus infection that I'm taking antibiotics for and they make me sick and give me headaches- I swear it's like it's a challenge from a higher power, and PROOF that there is no god time to quit. Life always gets in the way and we either put one foot in front of the other, or die.
today I took 2 x tylenol with 15 mg.
tomorrow I will take 1 1/2
next to 1
then I will stay on 1 until sunday and go off completely.
we'll see how far I have come since November when my use was its highest.
I saw my old counselor and got back in on a sliding income scale. It's a catholic charity and they don't care what religion you are, they focus on helping families. I get to pay $20 an hour and it was great for me before my brother died. In hindsight, I needed to go after he died because the burden of his death was on me, and I was in labour with baby #2 when his wife and child packed up and left his keys on my doorstep with a note saying: "he's your problem now"
He needed round the clock care. His alcoholism was so severe, he was thin as a skeleton and he stopped eating because his stomach bled so much. He met a junkie and she moved into his nice apartment and a few months later he was dead.
Here I was with a newborn, a new business, another child and his ex wife who blamed me for not helping. I kept his AA book and it makes me cry to read the inscriptions from his group -- so positive and the reality is, only 10 -17% of them will ever recover.
It is true I have lived it: with addiction, there are three possible endings: recovery. jail. death.

I may be wrong, lots of functioning addicts with long lives, but for me, I know the end of the story.

I can go on like this for years, but at some point, there will be a bill to pay and I won't have the currency to pay it.

Stomach cramps are not so bad, anxiety and exaustion are bad. I have been eating. Thank God.

I never thought I would be here, but here I am. One day at a time, and I know the worst is yet to come, but ride the wave and when I am weak and confused I'll post.
Sorry to blather on, I really need help.

L


Helpful - 0
699217 tn?1323438700
oh okay!  Where are you in Canada?  I love Canada, the Olympics were awesome there.  Anyway, another story....I'm glad you're here and trying to get off these evil little pills!!  I'm not sure how the WD's will be with you, since you are still getting even a little codeine in your system.  I hope it will be okay for you this time.  Just keep posting, and we are all here for you to talk with!  Take care of yourself :)  
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hi Michele!
I just read your story - wow, you are an inspiration! Yes, tylenol 2 has 15 mg of codeine in it. So, totally light weight stuff. I can take 15 and not feel a thing. In Canada you can buy Tylenol 1 (8 mg codeine + 15 mg caffeine + 325 Acet) OTC - which sounds like a good thing if you're going through WD but to be honest, by the time you get to where most of us are, they do nothing and are a waste of money - last thing we need is caffeine to help keep us up at night!
So, yes, the t2 has codeine but nothing like a percocet or an oxy, so I am really surprised I feel OK now. I pretty much tapered for 4 months, but was still doing enough where I would feel it, and yesterday was terrible but I kept thinking I'd ride it out. Today I didn't stare at the clock. Yesterday was minute by minute.  It's bad at night, I was angry with my 2 year old for getting up at 4 am so at 5 am my husband sent him to watch cartoons. I second guess myself if I get cross, but I have to remember even for someone without an addiction it's hard to keep your cool. My kids are loved and cared for so well, and I will never let them down.
Long answer....but I haven't taken anything since this afternoon when I took a few of the tylenol 2 and I have no cramps and no sweats and I actually had a nap this afternoon while my kids watched a movie. I work Tue - Sat so I think I can ride the worst out because my business is near my house and my kids are at daycare. I am just so scared of the WD being as horrible as last time where I was in bed for four days with the worst pain and nausea I've ever experienced, I had to have family come help. Given how decent I feel now, I am cautiously optimistic that maybe, just maybe, I can make it through with discomfort that is bearable.
I have friends in AA and NA and they are a great help.  I have never opened up to anyone other than people on this site.
I would be heavily in debt and in horrible shape now if it weren't for this site.
It is a long road and I pray I can stick with it. relapse is nothing I am ashamed of. I told my doctor and today I saw him for a lung infection and normally he would give me a narcotic, but because I told him last November I was taking too much and I wanted to stop, he will NOT prescribe to me. I suggest anyone who is serious to tell their doc so they cannot get it anymore. Which is a double edged sword because what happens if you do need them? I don't know what I would do...but that's another conversation.
Good luck and thanks!
L
Helpful - 0
699217 tn?1323438700
hello, welcome back!  Im confused - is tylenol 2, does that have codeine in it??
Helpful - 0
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